Fact: We spend a little bit of brainpower each week hypothetically planning how we'd turn our living room into an Octagon. A little fencing here, some canvas floor there, and we're in business for that home fight club we've always dreamed about. Sadly, a severe carpentry deficiency and the overall lack of bloodstain-removal know-how are huge hurdles to achieving that dream. To ease the pain, we started playing EA Sports UFC instead. Not a bad alternative! Here's why.
Tolerance for Pain
It's a video game, the pain isn't real. Go ahead, put us in an armbar, we'll just flip you off with our other hand. You can definitely tap out of a match—there's a micro "simon says" game that happens during submissions—but we prefer you just break our arm than give you that satisfaction.
We don't care who you are or how spiritual you find MMA, facing yourself in the mirror after headbutting someone into semi-consciousness and then choking him out on the mats is gonna take a toll on your soul. We prefer a more carefree approach to our pummeling, one that doesn't require any questioning of our own morality. EA's UFC gives us just that. It's an opportunity to beat your opponent to a bloody pulp while only leaving scars on their psyche— our goal in every game we play—and we feel great about it.
UFC 174 happened just this past week. UFC 1 happened in 1993. Google tells us that's roughly one UFC event every six weeks, and that's not close to enough for us. UFC's uber-realistic graphics are so question-reality impressive on next-gen systems like Xbox One and PS4 that it feels like you have UFC on-demand with new fights all the time. Six weeks between fights? Never again. Try six minutes between fights (and that's only if you take a pee break).
At best, the hospital copay for a broken jaw is like 50 bucks. At worst, your complete lack of health insurance can mean a lifetime of debt after one measly haymaker-induced concussion. EA Sports UFC costs $60, and you can break bones or tear ACLs as badly and as often as you'd like and never pay another dollar. Our macroeconomics professor would totally back us up on that logic.
We'll be honest, if we had any discipline, we'd probably have the carpentry skills to build that Octagon we were talking about. Easing into the patience and diligence needed to become a great UFC fighter (in the game) is a much more tempting option. EA Sports has created a UFC game that pays off your training. Better timing and control makes you a much more worthy adversary when you take your skills against the world. That's not just a winning strategy in EA Sport's UFC, that's a life lesson. You can thank Dana White later.