This article contains spoilers of the hit TV show How I Met Your Mother. The series finale aired on March 31, 2014, so I don’t even feel a little bit bad if this is ruining it for you because you still haven’t seen it. You’ve had ample opportunity.
Since 1999 there have been many things about the City of Cleveland that
In the upcoming NFL
How I Met Your Mother is a hit sitcom that ran on CBS from 2005 to 2014. The show starred Josh Radnor as Ted Mosby and was set up as Ted telling the story of his young adult life to his children in the year 2030.
The goal of the series was to take Ted’s children through his life and lovers leading up the meeting of their mother. Ted has many serious relationships before he finds the mother of his children, just like nearly every young man does. The show introduced us to many lovers, some of whom stayed awhile, and others just one night.
During the entirety of the show, Ted, a Shaker Heights, OH native, is surrounded by his group of best friends, college roommate and best friend Marshall Eriksen (Jason Segel) and his wife Lily Aldrin (Alyson Hannigan), womanizer Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris), and eternal love interest Robin Scherbatsky (Cobie Smulders).
While the group of five friends is a constant throughout the series, the love interests of Ted, Barney, and Robin fluctuate consistently. I’m going to focus on Ted’s lovers in
Ted goes through a few different women whom he thinks can be ‘The One’, including Robin, Stella Zinman (Sarah Chalke), Victoria (Ashley Williams), Jeanette (Abby Elliott) and Zoey Pierson (Jennifer Morrison). Each of these relationships, much like real relationships, had their own quirks and intricacies. For instance, Robin and Ted had numerous inside jokes such as saluting each other when the title of a military officer was named (Major Bulge). Each of these women
Kind of how Browns’ fans have been at many different stages of longing for a franchise quarterback since ’99, but I digress.
I’m going to go through these in the only reasonable order, the level of insanity. All five
LAST PLACE: Jeanette – Okay, everyone hated Ted and Jeanette together. She was actually bat-shit crazy. Ted knew it, his friends knew it, the audience knew it. The woman was certifiably insane. Jeanette did serve a purpose for being in Ted’s life, though. She was the last woman he dated before he settled down and found the mother of his children, Penny and Luke. Part of the reason Ted decides to date her is due to his loneliness and the composition of the remainder of the group. Obviously, Marshall and Lily are married, but at this time Robin and Barney are engaged to be married, or nearing it. Ted doesn’t want to be the only single member of the group, and I can’t blame him. We’ve all been there before at some point. Anyway, this woman is by far the craziest woman that Ted dated in any capacity of the
Jeanette is most like the Jets for a couple of reasons. First of all, the relationship literally ‘goes up in flames’ while she torches some of Ted’s stuff. The first football correlation I can make here is Fireman Ed, the longtime New York Jets super fan who retired, then came back, and now I believe is retired again. The poor guy just couldn’t handle the Jets anymore and I can’t say I blame him. Jeanette was pretty crazy, and the Jets might just be crazy enough to take Trubisky at six overall.
FOURTH PLACE: Zoey – After Jeanette was a runaway craziest love interest, it started to become difficult to rank who was actually craziest among the rest of them. The remaining four women all had their moments of crazy, as most people do. In an attempt to determine this I looked at the craziest things that each did, and Zoey topped that list. It’s rather difficult to defend attempting to ruin the career or dream of your significant other, especially when that dream is easily attainable. Zoey, who was actually married to The Captain when Ted stared to fall for her, attempted to stop Goliath National Bank from being able to demolish The Arcadian, a historic (fictional) building. Her efforts, although noble, made things incredibly difficult for her and Ted to function in a relationship. She had every right to attempt to preserve the Arcadian, but man, this was a weird dynamic. She also trapped Ted into saying things in a setting in which he believed was off-the-record, but she recorded him. She was pretty nuts the more and more I think about it.
Zoey is like the Kansas City Chiefs. KC has Alex Smith, Zoey had The Captain. That’s the easiest correlation I can make here.
THIRD PLACE: Robin – I loved Ted and Robin together, I think most people did. I wanted them to end up together, and I’m glad they did later in life, at the very end, I just wish it didn’t take until 2030 for it to happen (BOOM, THE SHOW HAS BEEN SPOILED). Robin and Ted just weren’t able to agree on having kids and where they saw themselves five years down the road. Obviously, Ted
Robin is the Cleveland Browns. She’s the girl that Ted loved, even if he couldn’t always be with her. Mitch is a hometown kid, who grew up loving the Browns. He might not be with them come next fall, but I’m sure a little part of him will always have the Browns on his mind.
SECOND PLACE: Victoria – Okay, I had a tough time deciding or was crazier between Victoria and Stella. The only thing that pushed Victoria over the edge was that she expected Ted to move to Germany with her after less than a year together. I can understand moving to a different state or a different city for work. That stuff happens all the time in relationships. What doesn’t consistently happen is significant others taking fellowships across the Atlantic Ocean. Victoria is also relatively crazy for thinking that a long-term relationship would work out between her and Ted. Come to think about it, she’s crazier than I thought originally. She walked out on her own wedding to ride off into the sunset with Ted. I kind of think that
Victoria isn’t so much an NFL team, but more so the North Carolina Tar Heels. The Tar Heels and Mitch only spent 13 starts together but it was a magical time for him. Things didn’t work out as planned and it was time for him to move on. He’ll always have the opportunity to go back there, as Ted does later on in the show, but it will never be what it once was.
LEAST CRAZY WOMAN TED DATED: Stella – Yeah, I know. She left Ted at the altar and that sucks. Everyone hates Stella because of this, and understandably so. She went back to the mother of his child, Tony, the film director. Other than that, Stella really didn’t have any crazy moments. She was a working mother, as busy as one would imagine. She hadn’t been in a relationship for close to five years before Ted simply because she had no time. Her daughter, Lucy, was the most important thing in her world, and that’s far from crazy. Her leaving Ted at the altar was terrible, it was, but it wasn’t exactly crazy. She wanted her family to be complete, and no matter how hard Ted tried, he wasn’t ever going to be the one to complete it, Tony was. Also, what was Ted thinking by bringing Tony to the
Stella is the San Francisco 49ers. The Niners have had great relationship success before that have produced multiple championships. Although Stella doesn’t have the bling the Niners do, she does have the ultimate prize in her life, her daughter. She once had something great and is searching for something great. She might love Ted, but Ted will never be able to replace the love that she once had for Tony.
Now we know all about the five women Ted dated, and what NFL team they resemble, but how does that play into what could happen in May, and furthermore, does it change what we want to see happen to Mitch?
What I’ve decided first and foremost is that I don’t want to see Mitch end up with the Jets. With their counterpart being Jeanette, that’s just bad news. There is someone for everyone, but Ted isn’t for Jeanette and vice-versa. I don’t think New York would be a great landing spot for Trubisky.
So, the Jets are crossed off the list. That leaves us with the Browns, 49ers, and Kansas City Chiefs.
The Kansas City Chiefs have Alex Smith (The Captain) so I’m knocking them out too. It just doesn’t make that much sense to me. I think they would be better off going after someone that isn’t ready for the spotlight, DeShone Kizer could be a good fit here. He and Zoey would get along well.
KC is gone, I don’t think Ted likes BBQ that much anyways, he’s more of a Gazzola’s pizza guy, anyways.
The 49ers and the Browns, also known as Stella and Robin, respectively, remain.
Honestly, you know where this is going, Ted ends up with Robin in much of the same way in an ideal world Mitch could end up with his hometown Cleveland Browns. There are too many similarities there for me to not make this connection. Is it crazy? Yeah, a little bit. It may be just crazy enough to work though.
The next question I have to get to is whether or not Trubisky’s best friend, his Marshall Eriksen, will accompany him along his journey. I’m speaking about Ryan Switzer, former wide receiver at The University of North Carolina, and one of Trubisky’s best friends according to social media.
Time will tell if that story comes to fruition. Lastly, no, Switzer’s fiancé is not named Lily. That would be a script made for television.