*Field Goals* - Midterm Grades

It's only the middle of the first semester in the college calendar year and yet there are already people who need to make plans to enroll in summer school. These folks aren't academically challenged. They're just slow learners.

   THE PASS-FAIL SYSTEM. The subject in question is Air Force football, and for most allegedly polished sportswriters, it's an area in which they have absolutely no comprehension despite repeated contact with all the course materials. Summer has come and gone, and with it, any chance for the prognostications of beat writers and football publications to appear either credible or educated.

  The Mountain West Conference takes an annual football poll of media covering the league's eight teams. In this year's poll the AFA Falcons received one first-place vote, proof that while the collective brain of the league's beat writers is nearly lifeless, it is still registering some faint activity. AFA totaled sixty-four points in the poll. In order, CSU, Utah, BYU and UNLV were picked to finish ahead of Air Force. AFA has played and defeated BYU and Utah, thereby winning the mythical state championship of the Beehive state. CSU and UNLV await later in the season. Air Force was slotted to finish in fifth place in this particular poll. As a means of demonstrating how asinine every preseason poll was concerning AFA this year it should be pointed out that the MWC media poll was the most flattering one where AFA's chances for success were concerned.

   Yeah, there are some real Mensa members working in the sports' sections of newspapers these days.

   AFTER FURTHER REVIEW. It might be enlightening to see how vast a journalistic territory is covered by the ink stained wretches of the football prophesying world who so badly misread the ability of this year's Falcon football team with their buffoonish summertime guesswork.

   Athlon, Lindy's--which sounds like a burger joint located on the county line of every backwater town in Smallville, USA-- Sporting News, Street & Smith's and Colorado's own Rocky Mountain News, all predicted a sixth place finish for the Falcons in the MWC. Uh fellas, give thought immediately to quitting your day jobs and getting a full-time night gig somewhere, you intellectual dwarves.

   Blue Ribbon and the Denver Post each went one embarrassing step beyond forecasting a sixth place finish and said the Falcons would settle in seventh place after the dust from playing conference games had settled. The Sunday papers usually advertise sales of household cleaning products. Next week you boys might want to clip a coupon for the economy size bottle of Windex with which to clean your crystal balls, you ignorant mental pygmies.

   Heading the list of enrollees at summer school next year will be the dunces from CBS Sportsline and College Football News. The empty skulled nitwits at these founts of football insight each bestowed upon Air Force the distinct honor of serving as the MWC's doormat, the league's eighth place finisher. Neither outlet predicted the Falcons would win so much as a single game. Time and space don't permit a proper castigating of the idiotic dolts who wrote the drek which contained the projection that Fisher's team would go winless in league play. Take BYU and the points on Saturday, did ya boys? Have fun in class next July gentlemen. AFA fans will wave to you on their way to the beach or golf course.

   ROOM ON THE BANDWAGON. With its win over BYU this past weekend the Air Force bandwagon became further laden due to the presence of some new arrivals.There's no doubt that if the Falcons fashion a win over Notre Dame this weekend the AFA bandwagon will grind to a complete halt so that everybody and their dog can hop on board. Longtime Air Force fans will politely reconfigure themselves to accomodate even these Johnny-come-latelies as they clamber aboard the bandwagon.

   There are some well known ground rules in the arena of college football. One is that there is to be no cheering in the pressbox while a game is in progress. Another is that late arrivees to this season's Air Force Falcons' bandwagon are prohibited from stating that they knew all along the team was going to "kick ass and take names" this fall. Don't bother to congratulate Fisher and the team when you get here. They are hard at work preparing to win as many games as they can and haven't time to spend on accepting hollow praise from fairweather fans.


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