What If Cat Tracks talked to Dookie V?

The "What If?" feature allows Cat Tracks' editorial staff to get creative and speculate on what could have happened if certain events occurred differently. The feature allows the staff to flex our creative muscles and have some fun. Every Saturday we will let our imaginations run a little wild. Our first foray has Cat Tracks sitting down with ESPN commentator Dick Vitale for a 1-on-1 interview.

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Tim Townson
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Cat Tracks: Thanks for sitting down with us…
Dick Vitale: It's my pleasure. Blue Devils Digest is a wonderful publication.

CT: No Mr. Vitale, I'm with Cat Tracks. You know the Wildcats?
DV: Oh, I love the Wildcats baby. Tubby Smith is one of the best coaches.

CT: Uh, not those Wildcats.
DV: Villanova. They are on my all time "David vs. Goliath Team". That is greatest upsets baby. Rollie Massamino beating Georgetown, are you kidding me?

CT: No, Cat Tracks cover the University of ARIZONA.
DV: I love Arizona. Tempe is one of my favorite places.

CT: No that's Tucson. Arizona, Lute Olson.
DV: You gotta love Lute. He's got great hair. I wish I had hair like that. Lute is a legend. The fact that he's been able to lure unbelievable talent to a foreign country is amazing.

CT: Foreign country?
DV: Arizona is the premier institution in all of northern Mexico.

CT: Arizona is in…forget it. What other teams do you like in the west?
DV: When you look at Western basketball you have to start with Indiana. Robert Montgomery Knight was able to do wonders out there in the Wild West of the Big 10. And of course you can't ignore the Kansas Jayhawks. They've done nothing but dominate out on the West Coast. And speaking of dominant, no one dominates as much as the Dookies baybee. You heard it hear first, Duke will be cutting down the nets next year.

CT: What about the Pac-10?
DV: I don't follow international basketball.

CT: Let's switch gears, do you like the new school players, with tattoos and earrings?
DV: I'm not one for earrings, but I have to admit I've had some tattoo work done. I have Coach K. on my left shoulder and Jason Williams on my right. I have the Blue Devil mascot on my right pec and the Cameron Indoor seating chart on my back. Speaking of Cameron, you have to love the Cameron Crazies, the best fans in the history of sports.

CT: What do you think of the upcoming NBA draft?
DV: If it was me I'd select Jason Williams first, then Michael Dunleavy and then Carlos Boozer. Drew Gooden would be my fourth pick, then I'd take Jimmy Fitzsimmons.

CT: Jimmy Fitzsimmons?
DV: Jimmy Fitzsimmons, the four-year trainer for the Blue Devils. He never played a game in college, but four years under Coach K. will have him prepared for the rigors of the NBA.

CT: What do you think of Jason Gardner?
DV: I think he is super, sensational, superb. He's so good that he'd be in the mix at Duke. He could probably be the third string point guard. And speaking of point guard, let me tell you about Jason Williams, he's the greatest player since Christian Laetner. In fact he is the greatest human being since Mother Teresa. How Williams isn't a saint yet. C'mon Pope, what's going on here? Canonize him. Are you kidding me?

CT: Sainthood?
DV: You know it. Jason Williams is right up there with Saint Patrick, Saint Hurley, Saint Hill, Saint Dawkins, and Saint Alaire.

CT: Okay, let's switch gears.
DV: Speaking of gears, Chris Duhon has gears on his ten speed bicycle. Duhon is the second greatest active point guard in the world today. I'd take Jason Williams one, Chris Duhon two, William Avery three, Sean Dockery four, then Jason Kidd…hey, where are you going? I haven't told you about my shrine to Coach K or my ear wax sculpture of Ala Abdulnaby...

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