Bonney's Baker's Dozen

It is Thursday and that can only mean one thing…Its time for our weekly glance at the mushy goop your humble Fat Irishman calls a brain. Many things going through this ASU educated cranium this week as the Wildcats are 1-2, the Cubs are in first and O.J. Simpson is still a moron.

Alright let us venture into the Fat Irish Bastard's head again, along with a turn to the right to visit the redneck skull of good ole Bubba.

1- You know what I was thinking as I sat in the stands last Saturday night watching our beloved Wildcats piss an easy win away? I was thinking that I should really stop calling myself fat. I mean, 26 months ago I tipped the old scale at 641 pounds and I was probably less than five years away from death. Now, more than two years after Gastric Bypass surgery, I weigh a measly 267 pounds and I feel great. I am still fat, but now I am sexy and that is all that matters right? I did weigh 270 before the New Mexico game but I lost three pounds thanks to AFIV, or Arizona Football Induced Vomiting.

2- Where oh where have you been Sweet Lou? Lou Piniella has my Cubbies in first place going down the home stretch of the baseball season. They hold a slim one game lead as they enter play on this 20th day of September and the Brewers are still playing decent ball, but then again the Cubs are playing some good ball too. Can they hold on to their lead and make the playoffs, thereby taking some of the dread of watching my beloved Wildcats play football this year away? God I hope so.

3- Do the Cats really have a chance to beat Cal on the road this week? In my opinion…yes they do. It is pretty simple, all Arizona has to do is get focused and be smart, and they can easily do just that. From Mike Stoops all the way down to the last walk-on on the roster the program has to be focused on what they need to do and ntohing more. There is as much talent on the Arizona roster as any other roster in the Pac-10, save the New England Patriots, I mean the USC Trojans.

4- A quick prayer and condolence message to Arizona Linebackers coach Tim Kish and his family. Kish has been in Ohio for the last week with his family dealing with the death of his father. I know how hard it is to deal with the loss of a parent, like many people do, and Kish is no doubt in need of all the thoughts and prayers he can get at this time. Coach Kish is a great coach but more importantly he is a great guy and a great family man. extends our warmest regards to you and your entire family Coach.

5- Get the stickum out for ole #9 please. Will somebody please tell Anthony Johnson that it really is ok to catch the ball in the first half, especially when you are repeatedly open and the ball is heading your way. Johnson had something stupid like six, yes I said SIX, dropped balls against New Mexico. Good receivers don't have that many drops in a season much less one half of one game. Johnson has the body and the talent to be a flat out great receiver but he has yet to show any kind of consistency. Anthony, dude, you are a senior, catch the damn ball.

6- I was talking to our humble and very short Editor-In-Chief, Frodo Allis, the other day and a thought came to my mind. I think Rugby should be an Olympic sport. I know Dave Sitton would be all for it. Why isn't it an Olympic sport anyways? Rugby has everything you need to be a great amateur sport. It has violence, strategy, team work and endurance. Rugby is still my second favorite sport behind baseball and it most likely always will be right there on my list. I like watching Ireland play and Scotland and I will even watch those crazy bastards from New Zealand, the All-Blacks, play. Rugby is a great sport and should be played on a much higher level internationally.

7- Where have you gone Louis Holmes? Dude, you were a five star all-everything recruit and you have the absolutely most obscene physical talent in the world, can you please use it for your own benefit and for the benefit of the program you play for. Listen to your coaches, stop thinking the world owes you something and go kick some ass, would you please? Everyone knows you can do it, but you have to work for it. You got handled by New Mexico's tackle the other night, play after play you were taken out by a guy that really is in college for the education.

8- I have to mention it so I will, four Arizona Football nobodies were arrested prior to last week's game. C.J. Sedoris was arrested for DUI and three others were all cited for Minor in Possession of Alcohol. Kids drink in college and Sedoris is a damn fool for getting behind the wheel after having only one drink. All four players were suspended indefinitely and all will most likely not play this year, even if they are needed. The lone scholarship athlete busted was Tyler Lyon. Lyon has been a disappointment so far in his Wildcat career and even before his arrest he had all but been passed by true freshman Bryson Beirne on the depth chart so his suspension means next to nothing, as do the others.

9- O.J. Simpson is back in the tank after allegedly trying to rob some dude he thought has his memorabilia. What the hell? I don't even know what to say about this other than hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Juice, you are a tool, what the hell happened to you man?

10- Last week I told Detroit Lion fans to settle down because they still sucked. I stand by that even though they are now 2-0 after beating the Minnesota Vikings. You are still the Detroit Lions and you are still in the same division as defending NFC champion Chicago and suddenly revitalized Green Bay, who still has Brett Favre. Take solace in the fact you will probably finish in third in your division and not last for a change.

11- My very early Christmas wish. I wish the Arizona Wildcats would blitz more than they do. The Cats like to play a bend and don't break, keep the ball in front of you defense and I understand that. But playing in the Pac-10 conference you need to blitz to try and create havoc and turnovers and you have to force the issue. The Cats simply do not have the outright talent at defensive end to put consistent pressure on the quarterback without blitzing more. With Louis Holmes fading fast, and he was never really a shining star anyways, the Cats are left with just Jonathan Turner and Jason Parker to give consistent pressure. Both Turner and Parker do a good job and they are both getting better having had good games against New Mexico, but the Cats will need to blitz a lot more starting this week.

12- I hate the Boston Red Sox almost as much as I hate the Yankees or ASU. I like Terry Francona and Curt Schilling but I hate Boston and I hate their pissy fans. So as hard as it is to say this, I really hope they don't blow the division lead that was once 14 ½ games in late May. Hopefully ex-Cat Francona can right the ship in a hurry because the Evil Empire is starting to put tons of pressure on the Sox and the last thing I want to see is the Steinbrenners playing in October, again. Go SOX!

Ok it is Bubba's turn…

13- Howdy ya'll, Bubba here agin. Well I ranted and raved enough 'bout our 'Cats earlier in the week. I'm just here to say, it could be worse. We could be Notre Dame. Is there anyone, anywhere right now happier that "Thou Shalt Not Kill" is one of them there 10 Commandments than Charlie Weis? Any other BCS program fans sure would be tempted to violate that one with a coach after that kind of 0-3 start.

Mahalo Y'all, GO CATS!

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