Talking Smack With Excellence

Ok football is all but upon us so it is time to deal with an internet message board tradition that drives me up the wall. Smack talk.

In theory, smack talk is fun. In reality good smack is about as common as a funny original joke on open mic night at a comedy club or from a convention speaker or preacher.

What are the basic problems with common smack talk?
1. Lack of originality.
2. Generic.
3. Ignorance of the opponent.

If people were telling that joke 30 years ago just let it die the death it richly deserves. Come up with something original and give us some chance of laughing.

A joke that works just as well for Boston College as it does Troy is generic. Don't waste our time with it.

Ignorance of an opponent is rampant. Our foes remain convince that A-State is located in the Ozarks leading to repeating hillbilly jokes that were clever when Teddy Roosevelt was fighting the Spanish on the FIU campus.

Make 2013 better. If you can't deliver good smack sit on the sidelines.

Remember UAPB was going to move to FBS until the NCAA required the attendance count be done in the third quarter after the band plays.

Missionaries keep going to Auburn to teach the locals what toilet paper is really for.

Troy's off-campus programs means the only schools with fewer alums who have never seen the campus than Troy are the University of Phoenix and the art college from the back page of comic books.

Memphis wants football to have the sort of success basketball has. It's easy. First get a cigar box and fill it with cash, then have your best recruit to travel to another city and suddenly have a big SAT score increase.

Have fun and do it with excellence.