Zag's Frags...

Our very own Zagco delivers up a hot steaming plate WAC Football predictions for your perusal and abusal... **Caution.. may cause intermittent fits of laughter, consternation, irritated bowels, lumbar throbbing, and inner-thigh chaffing(?).. Prolonged contact with your senses may lead to a numbing sensation and a reputed (albeit unconfirmed) diminution in brain cells. Read at your own risk.**

Southeastern Louisiana Lions v. New Mexico State Aggies
Where: Las Cruces, New Mexico
When: Thursday, August 31, 2006, 7:00 p.m. MT

This game immediately raises a bias that must be disclosed: Zagco does not like schools with directional names, and he will never, ever pick them to win a game, except when one directional school plays another directional school (in which case a school with fewer directions in its name is always picked to win), or in certain extraordinary circumstances. The Aggies, under the stewardship of a coach who looks like a dead ringer for John Daly in his high school lettermen's jacket, starts off the season with a bang by walloping the I-AA Lions. This victory is going to be just huge for the Aggies. Mumme's crew was an 0-12 team last year, and they were forced to watch the Idaho Vandals pull out a referee-assisted overtime win and then dog-pile in the end zone, writhing in a sweat-glistening pleasure that would make even the most decadent Nero-era Roman blush in fit of wine-aided joy. It was sick.
Aggies 34, Lions 17.

Nevada-Reno Wolfpack v. Fresno State Bulldogs
Where: Fresno, California
When: Friday, September 1, 2006, 6:00 p.m. MT (ESPN)

Nevada-Reno's "Pistol Offense," a poor man's version of the run-and-shoot, won't sneak up on the Bulldogs this time, my pretty. Let's face it: Fresno would beat the Pittsburgh Steelers in Week 1. This is easy, and it's hardly worth talking about. The only conceivable news angle will be whether Chris Ault, the man who invented the three-point stance, fires himself after the game. By the way, is it me, or does anyone else think that Jeff Rowe has an unusually large schnauz?
Fresno 44, Nevada-Reno 9.

Idaho Vandals v. Michigan State Spartans
Where: East Lansing, Michigan
When: Saturday, September 2, 2006, 10:00 a.m. MT (ERT/KIVI/KSAW)

In what could charitably be described as an epic clash of demonic forces, we can only hope the crowd is armed with holy water and well-versed in Aramaic chants. Memo to fans attending the game: Do NOT go into the light. By all rights, I anticipate something weird will happen, like a streaking fan or something sort of soccer-ish. The Spartans should win easily against a Vandal defense that appears to suck every bit as bad as the defenses the Vandals had when Dennis Erickson did his first bar crawl through Moscow back in the early 1980s. On the flip side, however, we can all relax knowing that the Erickson-coached Vandals will not be dog-piling in any endzones; they'll be tapping a sideline keg.
Spartans 42, Vandals 8.

San Jose State Spartans v. Washington State Cougars
Where: Pullman, Washington
When: Saturday, September 2, 2006, 1:30 p.m. MT

I've not been impressed at all with Bill Doba's offenses. Nevertheless, it'll be interesting to see how Alex Brink will perform against a WAC team. After all, if he'd honored his commitment to Boise State, he would probably never get to see the field against a WAC team! This is his chance to really bust out. Still, the Spartans suck really, really bad, and I don't care if Knute Rockne is their coach. Dick Tomey does not have Desert Swarm in San Jose.
Wazzu 55, San Jose State 12.

Utah State Aggies v. Wyoming Cowboys
Where: Timbuktu, ERRRRRRRRRR, Laramie, Wyoming
When: Saturday, September 2, 2006, 2:30 p.m. MT

Memo to Utah State players: Marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug, dudes.

Query: Will Wyoming fans heckle Utah State by waving bags of chips?

Seriously, I like Wyoming. I really, really do. I especially like their white helmets and the funky buckin' rodeo horse logo. Very cool. They didn't look real good last year, losing their last six games in a row. Plus, they lost their best player from a year ago, receiver Jovan Bouknight. Still, they played some close games and the MWC was typically balanced, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Brent Guy seems like a real good coach for Utah State, his team appears thin and in some disarray, and he's got to do something about that dope smoking problem in Utah! Playing in Laramie, even against a marginal Wyoming team, is not an easy task.
Cowboys 33, Stoners 14.

Louisiana Tech Bulldogs v. Nebraska Cornhuskers
Where: Lincoln, Nebraska
When: Saturday, September 2, 2006, 1:30 p.m. MT (FSN)

Nebraska, which used to run this very, very cool, very unique offense, now runs nature's most bland offense, the so-called "West Coast Offense." YAWN. Wake me up when something exciting happens. Still, it did kinda seem like they were getting better as last year progressed, but I still have my doubts about Bill Callahan and his system. I think this will be a close game, but I'll give the Huskers the home win.
Nebraska 17, La Tech 14.

Sacramento State Hornets v. Boise State Broncos
Where: Boise, Idaho
When: Thursday, August 31, 2006, 7:00 p.m. MT (KTVB)

In a game between two schools named after cities that think they are states, we can only hope for one thing: Something a bit more macho and football-ish than a Phil Collins tune for the big intro! I'm going to be watching three things very, very closely at this game: (1) whether any of our DB's trip on their shoelaces (Memo to Marcel Yates: Velcro shoelaces!); (2) whether Mr. Ryan Clady breaks the all-time record for season pancake blocks in a single half of football; and (3) the smokin' hot cheerleaders. Beyond these items, I anxiously await to feel and see how tightly the crowd puckers up when Z drops back for his first pass. I, for one, think he'll be just fine, and I fully expect the entire team to play with a mental edge that we just didn't see much last year. Generally speaking, expectations are very high because fans and observers know how good these kids can and should be.
Broncos 74, Humboldt State 0.

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