Zag's Frags are read by tens of thousands of people every week. It is the definitive, most accurate prognostication of WAC football available to mankind. Zagco is not afraid, and he will not be kept down. He is for the people. Fans still speak in reverence of the "streak" when Zagco correctly predicted 39 straight WAC football games during the 2006 season. Behold Zagco and his Frags!
A WEEKLY LOOK AT WAC FOOTBALL
2008: WEEK 1
Welcome to the 2008 WAC football
season! Zagco, a shameless
self-promoter who happens to be incredibly accurate in his predictions for the
WAC's weekly games, is proud to bring back Zag's Frags for the third
consecutive year. Zagco is a man of
the people who will never sell out or back down to the corporate slavemasters
and their lawyers! He writes for
you, the people, and he writes whatever the hell he damn wants to write!!!!
You might remember Zagco's best friends, Rizzo (the nicely dressed black
mamba) and Chaka-kan (a water buffalo who has been Rizzo's assistant for
years). Rizzo and Chaka-kan are
flying back from
on Friday so they can see the Broncos play against
. They love the Broncos, but they
are also anxious to get back to their place in Venice Beach, where Rizzo can get
busy with his new idea for a television series and Chaka-kan can get back to
perfecting his new Double Compound lift that he hopes will be selected to
replace baseball or women's softball in the next Olympics games, a lift he
calls "Squrls," which is a front squat with a curl when you're down in the
hole. It'll change your life!
Rizzo and Chaka-kan have been
very, very busy. They decided to get
a law degree about a year ago, and after submitting and withdrawing a lot of
applications they finally settled on Concordia's special night program that is
super intense and only takes 5 weeks! Concordia,
a private Lutheran college in
, is the school that is thinking about opening a law school in
, which is good because Zagco, for one, thinks we need more Scandinavian
Anyhoo, they got their degree,
converted to Lutheranism (which they feel guilty about), and then managed to
pass the bar exam in
. Lo and behold, thereafter, the
Irish Republican Army retained them to file an amicus curiae ("friend of the
court") brief in the terrorism proceedings being held at
Upon arrival in
, they were shocked to discover that there is actually an Irish pub at
, called "Kelly's Pub," which is, incidentally, the only Irish pub on
communist soil!!! Rizzo and
Chaka-kan spent many night there, drinking Guinness with the military folks into
the wee hours and often closing the bar by getting everyone remaining to sing
Hootie and the Blowfish's "Let Her Cry" ("…She never lets me in, only
tells me where she's been, when she's had too much to driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink…")
at the top of their drunken lungs. Crap,
though, who hasn't done that?!?
Anyhoo, it was one night in
Kelly's Pub that Rizzo met Rosalita, an Iguana.
It was love at first sight, allowing Rizzo to finally break the emotional
bonds that Denise Richards had cast on him before dumping him for Charlie Sheen.
Rizzo and Rosalita spent more than a few nights drinking wine next
Rizzo's fire from the Big Gulp cups that Rizzo's been lugging around all
these years in his backpack (you get a discount if you bring your own cups back
in). This didn't go over real well
with Rosy's papa, who eventually lowered the boom and locked her in her room.
Rosy's daddy does not dig Rizzo, a fact that is probably attributable
to the time Rizzo told him that the only lover Rizzo's ever gonna need is his
little girl's tongue. Rosy's
mama doesn't like him either, because he used to play in a rock and roll band.
Nevertheless, Rizzo's going to confiscate her, liberate her, because he
wants to be her man.
The whole "represent the Irish
Republican Army thing" has also been quite a ride for Rizzo and Chaka-kan.
The military judge (a Navy man) seems to be almost gleeful when he
imposes his daily sanctions against Rizzo, who has some difficultly standing
when the judge enters the courtroom, which seems highly discriminatory and is
the factual predicate for a future Title VII lawsuit.
Chaka-kan, who has a temper, has also been thrown in the brig at
. After the judge summarily denied
Chaka-kan's Motion for the Right of Parlay, which caused Chaka-kan to scream
out "YOU WANT ME ON THAT WALL, YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL!!!," the judge had a
Kevin Bacon-look-a-like Marine escort him to the brig, whereupon Chaka-kan
refused to stop clicking his tongue and humming unless he was permitted to watch
the Olympics on a color television.
This, of course, is where the
whole idea of having a weekly prime time television show centered on women's
beach volleyball in the rain originated, which is, in turn, what led Rizzo and
Chaka-kan to return to
to talk with their financiers about producing just such a show!
It will be awesome, because in addition to the sand, bikinis and rain (a
critical component for overall atmospherics), they are planning to have
1980's-era Hair Metal blasted from some humongous Marshall stacks, midgets for
referees, Jell-O shots for timeout snacks, and someone like David Coverdale or
Sammy Hagar for color commentary. They
have also been trying to reunite the Fly Girls for sideline entertainment.
They wanna call the show "Ride the Lightning," but they are worried
that Metallica might sue them, so they might go with something else, like
"Baby's On Fire." Zagco thinks
it's a great idea, because when he watched the women's Olympic Gold Medal
match with his wife in same room, he could only think of one thing:
Ten years ago, this would have been called porn and his wife would have
slapped him for watching it! Now,
Anyhoo, enough of this talk!
It's been a great summer!!! Zagco
knows all of you have had a great time, and most of you probably got to see the
new Batman flick. Wasn't that
awesome!?! Crap, Zagco was riveted
on Heath Ledger's performance, even to the point of shaking and sweating a bit
in his seat. Zagco believes only
three other acting performances on the silver screen can compare to Mr.
Ledger's mighty coup de grace: (1)
Marlon Brando's Terry Malloy in On The Waterfront; (2) Anthony
Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs; and (3) Denise Richards'
Kelly Lanier Van Ryan in Wild Things.
Zagco also watched the cult
comedy classic Hot Rod a lot this summer. His
buddy hooked him up with it. What an
awesome guy comedy movie that is!!!! If
you have not seen it, go get it. NOW.
Hot Rod has more quotable lines than
any movie Zagco has ever seen. Oddly,
it did not do very well at the box office. It
only earned $14,334,401 worldwide. Zagco
knows. He looked it up.
Finally, one more thing is
really sticking in Zagco's craw: What
is up with Red China? Those girl
gymnasts cannot be 16 years old! What
a joke!!! Is this some kind of zany,
cockamamie attempt by the Red Chinese to appeal to the world's pedophile
It's that pathetic, and the various logical extensions of the lie take
you to so many places that you really don't want to go.
When it comes to cheating in the Olympics, stick with the juice and leave
our children out of it!!!! We
finally put an end to this kind of crap when the other Chinese people in
were finally banned from bringing 18-year-olds to the Little League World
Series, but apparently we still need to fight this battle.
Boo to Red
Rainbow Warriors v.
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
Well, this is a game that Zagco
really doesn't want to talk much about, which is a sad reality of many of the
early games. Zagco loves
, because they have a proud history of lighting up like a pinball machine and
paying off in silver dollars. However,
this year they start anew, without June Jones, without Colt Brennan, without
Devon Bess, without Ryan-Grice Mullen, without Jason Rivers, and without C.J. Hawthorne. Those last 4 guys, all
receivers, accounted for over 4,000 receiving yards and 44 of
's 51 touchdowns. WOW.
Zagco also understands that Tyler Graunke is in trouble and won't be
playing, so they are also without Colt Brennan's backup.
Graunke looked pretty decent when he spelled Brennan in the Sugar Bowl.
will turn over the quarterback position to an unknown sophomore named Brent Rausch, a tall, skinny dude. What
does have, though, is 3 very good (and big) returning linebackers and both of
their main running backs. Zagco
to be less about the pass this year and more about defense and running.
. Tim Tebow returns for another
's defense was not great last year, but so what!
struggles on the mainland against crappy WAC teams!
Until the Rainbow Warriors prove otherwise, it's going to be a long
time before Zagco picks them to win a road game, much less a road game against
UC Davis Aggies v.
Can You See Spartans
Where: Do You Know The Way
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
6:00 p.m. Mountain Time
Dick Tomey, a totally decent
guy, has an experienced team this year, albeit one that will be without former
quarterback Adam Tafralis and some other key contributors.
There are 55 juniors and seniors on this Bay Area Spartans club.
Yet, Coach Tomey says they will be playing a lot of young guys.
Most exciting, though, is the return of Yonus Davis, who is a scat back
on steroids! You Bronco fans that
remember the nailbiter we had with San Jose Can You See two years ago might
remember some of his freakish jukes at the line of scrimmage.
The guy can move sideways, and he appears to be pretty dang fast, but he
is, of course, returning from a bad injury, so who knows….
Cal Davis is a tradition-rich
small college that has lots of potential—the Aggies are often mentioned as a
possible future WAC member, although Zagco thinks it would be ridiculous to have
three teams nicknamed the "Aggies" in the same conference.
is, however, coming off a losing season (5-6), so Zagco is not quite as
concerned. The Bay Area Spartans
should be solid on defense, and Tomey's offense should be reasonably and
smartly conservative, limiting the mistakes by new signal caller Myles Eden.
It is also unknown to what degree Yonus Davis will play early in the
season—they may ease him into carrying the load again.
's depth will also be a concern as the season develops, but for now, at home
against a team that they beat last year 34-14, San Jose Can You See should be
The Bay Area Spartans will pull
out a win.
Bulldogs v. La Tech Bulldogs
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
Time (ESPN 2)
Zagco was impressed with the job
that new coach Derek Dooley did last year. La
Tech has long had an absolutely craptastic schedule, traveling to and fro and
constantly playing teams that they are just not going to beat.
They exceeded expectations, won 3 of their last 5 games, including a
conference road win in
, and they played
pretty dang tough at home.
The Southern Bulldogs (La Tech,
since Mississippi State is ALSO the "Bulldogs," but will hereafter be
referred to as the Redneck Bulldogs), welcome former Georgia Tech quarterback
and former Boise State commit Taylor Bennet.
They also have some key people coming back, including the running back
Patrick Jackson, who impresses the crap out of Zagco.
Daniel Porter, another runner, is also no slouch.
The Redneck Bulldogs, meanwhile,
are an SEC team that finished 8-5 last year, including 4-4 in the SEC.
Quarterback Wesley Carrol really spreads the ball around to a fleet of
very tall receivers. It's an
offense that comes at you from all angles, like the curtain call at a girlie bar
danced to the tune of Motley Crue's Hell on High Heels!
Honestly, Zagco does not think
La Tech can win this game. However,
he would not fall over if they did. He
thinks Coach Dooley (the son of former legendary
coach Vince Dooley) will have his team prepared for this SEC team, and it
should be a battle. Zagco warns all
WAC fans to respect La Tech.
Where: The Blue
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
Time (KTVB, ESPN Gameplan)
Our friends in
, the Idaho State Bengals, come sauntering into town to renew a rivalry that has
only been played once since 1995, a game that resulted in a 62-0 shellacking on
The Blue in 2003. Jared Allen played
for the Bengals in that game. The
Broncos and the Bengals were rivals in the Big Sky Conference, before
made the jump to Division I college football.
leads the all-time series 23-6.
Many Bronco fans remember the
infamous "Globe of Death," a kickoff return that led
to a stunning victory over
back in the day. It was a freakish
play, where all the kickoff return team runs into a huddle-like circle after the
ball is caught, and then someone pops out with the ball. That
team was obviously not prepared for the play, and
ran the ball back deep into
territory, leading to the game winning score in the final seconds.
Zagco was relieved to hear Ian Johnson say in an interview this week that
knows about that play, because apparently
has it in its package. Whew!
Anyhoo, Zagco's not going to
waste much brain power on this game. Yes,
it will be interesting to see former Idaho Vandal Jason Bird (who confirmed in
an interview this week that his coaches at Idaho routinely said that beating
Boise State was all that really matters to Idaho) carry the ball.
It will also be interesting to see Mitch Rudder, a former
) offensive lineman block for them. Mitch
is listed at 6'3" and 290, which is clearly TOO BIG for
's offensive line.
For you younger Bronco (and
Bengal) fans, it also wouldn't be right for Zagco to neglect to mention that
he used to root a bit for Idaho State back in the day, when he got caught up in
their epic basketball win against UCLA in the Dance and when they followed Boise
State's I-AA National Championship with one of their own.
The Bengals' punter back then, a guy named Case deBruijn (yes, a
Dutchman), was the BEST punter Zagco ever saw play in college football—he was
Ray Guy-like with his sky-high (and long) punts.
Respect to the Bengals!
Zagco's main concerns about
are well known on these boards: (1)
we are small and inexperienced on the offensive line; (2) we are small with our
starters on the interior of the defensive line, and we have two listed starters
at linebacker who need to eat in the morning to break 200 pounds.
Yeh, Zagco loves speed, and he loves smart players who execute, but every
single time Zagco sees a big guy collide with a small guy, the big guy wins.
The Broncos are scary good at wide receiver and running back, and he
thinks the defensive secondary has enough experience and talent to also not be a
huge concern for him. Corner Kyle
is the real deal, and Zagco expects him to be a shut down guy who finally
starts picking off passes and showing us what he can do WITH the ball.
And, it goes without saying that Zagco will be pimping Jarell
"Voltron" Root, the redshirt freshman defensive end from
, until the sun doesn't shine anymore! Voltron
will make his mark known at
. Lion force Voltron!!!!
Zagco really is not super
concerned with our quarterback situation. Yes,
we have a freshman, young Kellen Moore. But,
that kid can sling the ball. His box
score stats in high school were like reading the box in a Harlem Globetrotters
game. Seriously, game after game
after game, he would go something like 27-33 for 618 yards and 8 touchdowns IN 2
½ QUARTERS OF PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY
CRAP!!! SIGN HIM UP!!!!! Plus, the
senior Bush Hamden has all the tools to come in—that pass he through last year
was one of the prettiest passes Zagco has seen since Ryan Dinwiddie's salad
days on The Blue. Zagco thinks
we're going to be fine at the quarterback position.
has tremendous offensive skill talent, but Zagco believes the key to a super
good season this year comes down to the trenches, where we are as young and
small as Zagco can ever remember. If
those trenches hold up, watch out! This
is overall a young
team with some really nice talent, so this is going to be the year where other
WAC teams better give us their best shot, because we are loaded for the next few
For now, however,
Where: The Biggest Little
City in the World
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
7:00 p.m. Mountain Time
Yet another laugher.
Nevada, with Chris Ault's "Pistol Offense" and Colin "Krazy
Legs" Kaepernick at the helm, should have no trouble with Grambling, unless
perhaps Grambling lets its band play, because that band could cause trouble for
just about anyone. In addition to
Krazy Legs, the Wolf Pack also has running back Luke Lippincott returning.
Mr. Lippincott is a big boy for a running back (6'2," 215), and he
would be a wonderful addition to
's offensive line! He also rushed
for over 1,400 yards and over 5 yards per carry last year.
also has former starting quarterback Nick Graziano in the wings, a man who
Zagco believes once played Laverne's boyfriend on Laverne & Shirley.
The Pack lost receiver Marko Mitchell, but Mike McCoy returns, along with
several others. Zagco would not be
surprised to see
become more and more run-oriented this year.
That's Chris Ault's M.O., despite his more recent reputation as an
innovator of the "Pistol Offense."
Grambling won 8 games last year
against vastly inferior competition, as compared to
. La-Monroe and
easily beat them. They appear to
spread it around to several receivers, and they also seem to rely on several
running backs. The offense is
balanced. Regardless, with
's offensive line and running backs, not to mention two very experienced
quarterbacks, the Wolf Pack should start off the season with a bang.
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
8:00 p.m. Mountain Time
It's that time. It's the
time of year when Vandal fans start sounding really optimistic and hopeful,
sorta like a crack whore about to get her fix.
Has it already been 9 months since we got to see the 3,000
fans who bothered showing up at their last home game to send off the seniors?
Crap!?! Time flies.
Good luck trying to meet that attendance requirement, Vandals!
Now it's a new season, so we
can all look forward to diminutive Vandal running back Deonte Jackson telling us
about how hungry he is. Deonte, for
those of you who don't follow
football, is a fan of using food metaphors when discussing his games.
He's hungry. The defense
looks like a big, juicy steak. Etc.
It actually makes sense, though, because Zagco doubts
can afford to feed its players much when they are suffering from so much
financial distress and whatnot.
Zagco digresses, though.
This is about a game. A game
between the WAC's crappiest football team and one of the very worst football
programs in college football history and one of the Pac-10's historically
mediocre football teams. What could
happen? It almost makes one fall
, though, could be very good this year. The
Wildcats have 10 returning starters on offense, including a very good
quarterback in Willie Tuitama. They
have 8 guys on pre-season watch lists. Plus,
this might be Mike Stoops' last year, unless he can show some real results.
They went 5-7 last year, but this year they could easily be 3-0 heading
into a big game with UCLA, a game that could make or break the year for this
experienced team. If Stoops is going
to keep his job, he couldn't ask for a more experienced team and a better
has lots and lots of young guys, but they are playing with a severe scholarship
limit handed down by the NCAA for various and sundry problems that Zagco will be
happy to elaborate upon as the season progresses.
Young Nathan Enderle returns to quarterback the team.
He sometimes looks okay, but he's a plodder.
They had an experienced offensive line returning, but a couple key
injuries has depleted its depth. Deonte
Jackson, who had a couple nice games at running back last year, also returns,
but it sounds like he hurt his back, which Zagco suspects is attributable to
improper form in his squats. The
Vandals return lots of receivers, but since they drop the ball all the time,
what does that matter?!? The NFL's
Mr. Irrelevant, former Vandal linebacker David Vobora, is gone, as are other
actually won ESPN's Bottom 10 award last year, and this year is shaping up to
be another run for the dandelions for
Aggies v. UNLV Runnin' Rebels
When: Saturday, August 30, 2008, at
8:00 p.m. Mountain Time
is crappy. Really crappy.
Zagco is still stunned that a team that had offensive scheme issues hired
coach Darrell Dickey to be the offensive coordinator last year.
Respect to Coach Dickey for what he's done, but his offensive
philosophy is hardly the kind of solution that you reach for when you need a
better offense in the WAC. If you
have not seen
's offense in action, don't.
UNLV is no beast either.
Yet, it's a home game for them, and that's about all that matters at
this point. The cupboard is bear in
, and while it might be pretty bare in Vega$, Zagco always goes with the home
team in these pillow fight games.
UNLV will win.
When: Monday, September 1, 2008, at
2:00 p.m. Mountain Time
. The giant killers.
The premature footballation team of the WAC—a team that always blows
its load early in the year against some BCS team, only to stumble home limping
in the WAC, only to then recover and beat some 6-6 ACC team in the Roady's
Truck Stop Humanitarian Bowl or whatever, giving its fans another off-season to
puff their chests about how they play such a great schedule!
Hey, Zagco respects them. He
likes Fresneck. He really does.
But, he also likes to point out that they have never even won a
conference title under Pat Hill. Not
They are the Darth Maul of the WAC—scary looking and everything in red
and black, but ultimately taken down by a mere Jedi Apprentice.
team could be different. For those
of us who have watched Fresno so closely over the years, one thing stands out
about them in WAC play against the good teams (Boise State, Hawaii, and
sometimes another team—La Tech always gives them trouble):
Fresno's offense is just not real scary, and it seems to be pretty
predictable, in that Boise State, at least, always seems to call the right
defense against them. Plus,
brings out the best in everyone, similar to
. Personally, Zagco believes that
the Broncos have
's number mainly because of the secret practices our coaches run during the
summer, which are geared SPECIFICALLY to game-planning for
is loaded on offense. Zagco thought
quarterback Tom Brandstater looked really good at the end of the year.
Until then, Zagco didn't like him much, but now he thinks Tommy Boy
looks pretty dang good. They also
have two bruising, solid 205 pound running backs in Lonyae Miller and Ryan
Matthews. Tight end Bear Pascoe
(6'5", 260) is a future Sunday player. This
offense has a chance to be very good, but Zagco emphasizes that its coaches
must call a game that gets its talent into a good rhythm.
is coming off an 8-5 season, but they have had a couple terrific recruiting
classes. Plus, they honestly seem to
have turned the corner as a football program.
Mike Teel is a fine quarterback (a 145.4 rating), but they lost
all-world, 2,012 yard running back Ray Rice.
They do, however, have a bevy of receivers coming back, including 2
1,000+ yarders in Kenny Britt and Tiquan Underwood, both of whom are very big
will have to rely on very young running backs.
Zagco is torn about this game.
It's a long way to travel, and it's being played on a holiday Monday
afternoon in Jersey, which means that the malls in
should just be packed with bubblegum-smacking, big-haired girls.
always plays up in these games, but Zagco thinks this might be a bit more than
the Cali Bulldogs can handle. Zagco
expects Rutgers to rely on its passing game, and Zagco does not have confidence
's ability to stop it.
, meanwhile, may not have the quick-strike and sheer scoring ability to stay
with or throw off
. Zagco needs to really see this
offense light it up and stay in rhythm before he'll be sold on them.
When: Thursday, September 4, 2008,
at 6:00 p.m. Mountain Time
Last and least, we have the
Gaggies of New Mexico State, led by the kooky snotgobbler head coach, Hal Mumme,
who is constantly wiping his nose with a towel during games, a sort of Bizzaro-world
version of Tark the Shark. Tark's
probably eating spaghetti somewhere right now, whining about how Hal should be
chewing on the damn towel, not wiping his sweat and boogers with it!!!
returns prolific quarterback Chase Holbrook.
They also get star wideout Chris Williams back.
He's the real deal. That
little dude can catch, run, and take a hit.
Watch out for him this year. Plus,
the Gaggies, who loaded up on some JC guys, are apparently going to implement a
very aggressive defense. They are
going to light up some scoreboards this year, and on defense they are clearly
going for broke trying to force mistakes. Don't
forget that they also have running back Tonny Glyn back, who is not half bad and
should be even better with Chris Williams to account for on offense.
could break some hearts this year in the WAC.
Theoretically, this could be a very potent offense, and its crazy new
defense might cause some problems. They
are one of those teams that always has talent.
just isn't worth talking about much. They
hardly pass at all, and it looks like about 10 running backs carry the ball.
They were waxed by
last year, but they did beat Rice at Rice, for whatever that is worth.
They finished 6-5 in the Division I-AA (or whatever it's called these
days) Southland Conference. This is
a glorified scrimmage for the Gaggies.