Broncos: Be Wary of Jedi Mind Tricks

In an attempt to help Boise State play better Saturday in Moscow, I came up with this important group of tips for the Bronco players. Pay attention, they must.

To my knowledge, there are no Idaho football players named Luke Skywalker, nor any distant relatives from Moscow that are about to star in "Star Wars VII".  Breathe a deep sigh of relief.

 

What Boise State players must watch out for, however, are what we'll call "Jedi Mind Tricks" that are not that different than what Skywalker and his band of rebels did to save the galaxy.  If you recall from this epic series of blockbusters, the Jedi would cause an action that would distract their opponents from the real business at hand so that the Jedi could stealthily turn off a traction beam or coyly sneak by Empire guards with a form of hypnosis.

 

I kid you not.  These are the tricks the Broncos will be up against Saturday.  Every time Jeremy Childs or Austin Pettis lines up, you can bet the Death Star that their Vandal defenders will be talking to them.  Now what these Moscow players say is anybody's guess, but it could be something like "You're not as hot as you think you are" or "Boise State sucks" or "Boise is not a state" or "your sister's ugly".  Words to that effect.  Childs, Pettis, Vinny Perretta and the rest of the Broncos would do well to ignore the Jedi Mind Tricks.  Those with weak minds can be easily persuaded or distracted.  This is a time for extreme concentration on what the Bronco coaches tell them, not for saying "You're right, she is kind of ugly."  First off, the sister wouldn't take too kindly with that reply and second, Coach Chris Petersen wouldn't either.

 

Similar to the kinds of distractions above are those that actually take place after the play.  These are technically not supposed to happen, but the Vandal Jedi are so good at what they do that the officials themselves fall into a trance.  The officials will not notice the Idaho player hitting after the play (they will still be under the Vandal Jedi spell) but will quickly snap out of it and throw yellow laundry all over the field if a Bronco retaliates.  So again the warning to Boise State players—be wary of Jedi Mind Tricks after the play has finished.  Compose yourself and run back to the huddle where you are among friends and away from the evil spell of The Emperor.

 

The crowd in attendance at the Coliseum (I mean the Kibbiedome), which has been studying the ways of the Jedi for years, will also try to distract Boise State.  They will hurl insults, boo loudly and force all manner of ill will at the Broncos.  Here, the Bronco players would do well to watch what Yoda himself did in the third Star Wars (or the sixth Star Wars if you're counting that way).  Put your hand straight up against the powerful force, beckon a determined grimace, and repel the barrage so that it takes down the Kibbiedome roof. 

 

Only then can the Broncos truly say they have become Jedi Masters.  Good luck and may the Force be with you Saturday. 


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