Then a brainstorm hits me. If the TV networks can fall back on re-runs whilst awaiting the arrival of Fall to deliver fresh, new episodes, why not sports columnists as well?
Makes perfect sense to me - especially at 1:53 a.m. My typing speed declines dramatically in the "wee-small hours," to borrow a phrase from singer Carly Simon.
So, submitted for your approval, here is a sports column re-write, originally penned in a fit of complete and utter anger and frustration in the hours following BYU's road-loss at Nevada last fall. Hopefully, it will hold-up as well as a Don Johnson and Cheech Marin re-run on USA Network.
Why are BYU football fanatics so misunderstood?
It's usually by those nearest and dearest to them -- spouses, parents and children, etc.
Tonight, I was in a dark, foul mood. I chose NOT to attend our Ward's monthly potluck dinner because I didn't feel like being around a bunch of grinning fools who either don't know or don't care about BYU football.
They haven't the slightest clue about the depths of pain, frustration, humiliation and anger we feel after games like today's (reminder: last year's loss to Nevada).
I am seriously ready to punch the next person in the mouth who tells me "...oh, it's JUST a GAME...get over it."
Will someone please explain to me why it's a CRIME to be PASSIONATE about BYU football?
It's OK for those who love the outdoors to be passionate about camping, hiking, water-skiing, etc. It's fine for other folks to get all jazzed-up about their cars, motorcycles, ATV's, snowmobiles, etc. It's fine for art and theater lovers to effuse enthusiasm over whatever is showing at the museum or playhouse.
So I ask you again: WHY IS IT WRONG FOR US WHO CHOOSE TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT BYU FOOTBALL?
When we win a big game against a quality team like Miami, Penn State or Notre Dame, I get a HUGE emotional boost. I'm happy. I'm proud. I'm usually pretty obnoxious, too, especially around Utah fans or anyone else who normally likes to "diss" BYU.
When we WIN, all is right with my world. But when we LOSE, especially when we lose because of poor play, stupidity with little or no emotion or motivation, I feel anger, frustration, shame, etc.
So WHAT? It's OK for me to feel that way - BYU FOOTBALL IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT!
I am fairly certain if a camping enthusiast gets attacked by a bear in the woods, or dumped-on by an unexpected torrential downpour, ruining a weekend retreat he has been looking forward to, he might be reasonably expected to be upset or frustrated. And NOBODY would call him stupid or silly for feeling that way.
If a car nut has his 'Vette or Porsche stolen, stripped or otherwise vandalized, you KNOW he would go ballistic. And NOBODY would utter some trite, condescending comment like, "Oh, it's JUST A CAR, get OVER it, silly."
I could go on, but my point is if MY overwhelming passion, interest or hobby in life is BYU football, if that is what "floats my boat," "blows my skirt up," puts a smile on my face, gives me something to talk about, think about and look forward to, then why can't those around me who DON'T share this passion at least manage to extend the understanding, empathy or tolerance to me during the tough times that they would to someone whose pet dies, whose record collection gets stolen, whose sailboat sinks etc?
The common interest or bond that many of us here share is the single biggest reason I LOVE this message board and am thrilled it was created. For DECADES, I have been made to feel like some kind of freak or misfit by family, friends, ward members and co-workers because of my deep passion for BYU football.
So it was THRILLING for me to find my way here and discover I was not alone in my feelings or depth of devotion to Cougar football. My gosh, what a REVELATION it was to discover there were actually OTHERS scattered out there who SHARED my passion and understood the heights of my joy and the depths of my depression riding upon the football fate of the Cougars 11 or 12 times a year.
Some may agree with my wife, my children and ward members that "it's ONLY a GAME, silly... what does it matter in the ETERNAL scheme of things?" My honest response is "you're absolutely RIGHT. In the ETERNAL scheme of things, it doesn't matter anymore than having a car stolen, a pet die or a vacation ruined."
But I'm NOT an idiot. I DO have an ETERNAL perspective on what really matters in life. Yes, the sun will come up tomorrow. I will still love my wife and kids and the gospel will still be true. But, having said all that - MAN, WAS I SO TICKED ABOUT LOSING TO NEVADA TODAY!
Well, this has gotten way too long and I'm probably just ranting at this point. But I needed to vent my frustration with an audience which might possibly understand where I am coming from and understand WHY I didn't want to go to my Ward dinner tonight and why I WON'T be "Smilin' Mikey Mormon" tomorrow at church.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Michael McQuain is an experienced former broadcast journalist who writes a satirical sports column for TotalBlueSport.com whenever he feels like it.)
© 2003 TotalBlueSports.com