DA SCIENCE!: Colorado vs. Texas A&M

Sixty-Five million years ago, when Dinosaurs ruled this ugly rock and you all were but a dirty thought in your unborn Mother's mind, the battle-hardened Lama set out on a quest to find the motherload of football genius. The tale that became of that quest is a mesmorizing and riveting docudrama of espionage and political intrigue that would likely have affected not only the outcome of this weekend's game, but that of the upcoming presidential election.

Sadly though, Da Lama's dog ate his homework and what you sad turds are left with is what follows…

It's short and sweet, kinda like the brothels on your mother's side of the street. But buggers can't be choosers. So with swollen glands in hand, take your battle stations and prepare to inhale the deviant after-school special known as Da Science that the fates have so lovingly deposited in your stained laps.

Bad Meaning BAD, Not Bad Meaning GOOD.

In days of old, when teeth were gold and pimps were at their meanest,

A team came down,

To a dusty Texas town,

With an offense that sucked a...well you know.

The town: College Station. The team: Colorado. Yes, just when the great, grimey gods that rule over the college football world thought it was safe to entertain thoughts of a North title, we get hit with this gargantuan dump of fecal mass that could only loosely be called an offense. To sum up the CU offensive play these days: it's about as much fun as finding love juices on the bun of your brontosaurus burger... or a dead fetus in your pot pie. Take your pick.

Yes, Da Lama will beat it to death so'more. Our offense is limper than Nathan Lane at a strip joint. All you eternal optimists who believe that suddenly the light will go on in Shawn Watson's head on the way to the stadium somewhere outside of Bryan, Tx need another hit off the Lithium tank.

Golly Gee Wilikers Sally, I'm voting for Ike!

Didn't pregame bonfires, yell practice and kissing your poodle-skirted date each time the home team scores go out about the same time Sputnik launched? Da Lama expects to hear some delusional A&M fan shout "23-Skidoo!" every time Reggie McNeal takes a friggin' snap this weekend.

Throw Another Collie on the Fire

And you can't tell me those "special" cadets who watch over that throw rug of a mascot aren't sorely tempted to sneak away in the night for some special "milk bone" action in the kennel. "What's that Lassie?" Yes, sir! Hup, two, three, four!"

The barracks can get awfully cold and lonely at night out on the East Texas plains, my friend.

Ghosts from the Past:

Da Lama couldn't leave this one alone. Are you freakin' kidding me? Lee "F-ing" Foliaki! Say it again. See how it rolls off the tongue. It only took this guy, what, like 5 years to make through CC and into a "real" college?

Okay kiddies, time for your lessons…

See Lee Run!

See Lee Tackle!

See Lee get a 310 on his SAT!

Okay, time for recess.

Easy as 1-2-3:

It shouldn't be this obvious, should it?

1) Block – Da Lama's seen better push from his granny's underwire.

2) Catch - "Oh wait, was that intended for me?"

3) Penalties – dropping the F-bomb and poking the ball into some poor Cyclone schmed's chest after a 2-yard TD pass ain't exactly great discipline.

Not gonna change, but what the hell?!

Da Vision

Hate to do it, but Da Lama is on a Truth jag lately. CU can't and won't hang. Make no mistake, this game will leave Buff fans breathless and bowelless. The beginning be shocking. The middle be shocking. The end be totally f'd up. This is a game that shouldn't be missed by any die-hard (A&M) fan. It'll leave weaker Buff fans huddled in the corner crying for mama. Enjoy!

aTm 34 CU 16

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