There are very few experiences a mortal can subject himself to that can rival the raw power and intensity of the final 30 seconds of last years "Rumble in the Rockies". Perhaps having freaky circus encounters with The Olson Twins, Paris Hilton, Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan backstage at AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS would come close...
The final plays of that game made up what was quite simply one of the best endings to a college football game in recent memory. Too bad it should have never come to that.
But, Da Lama digresses.
By combining a barrage of playcalling cannibalism, clock management skills rivaled only by a Helen Keller in her later coaching days, and a QB who wears his heart on his sleeve (and probably a ton of hair given that unibrow), St. Sonny and his Rams have firmly established themselves (along with Skreech & Slater) as true Masters of the "Dem Good OL' Days Has Done Passed Us By" Universe.
From atop his beer of the month-soaked throne of writhing octogenarian, undead flesh, this media darling is again poised in 2005 to lead a team (and a Kool-Aid drinking fanbase) with unchained monster truck force right over the precipice into the foaming surf know as mediocrity that will leave the Green and Gold's fanatical followers speed dialing one Earl Bruce, in the hopes of bringing back the "glory days".
The rumor floating around the red carpets of Ft. Collins is that the reason Sonny allows all those night games is that he is able to get a third nap of the day in, hit the $3.99 all you can eat Seniors dinner at Country Buffet at 3:30 and still make the pre-game warm-ups with time to spare.
"The Sizzler – hotter than a buffet tray on an open can of Sterno!"
5 GOOD REASONS – CU will win this game.
1) Sonny is another year older and with it comes further dementia – "Can one of the trainers get Sonny another Gatorade & Metamucil, stat."
2) Savage Justin Holland is not quite as good of a director as Savage Steve Holland. Look for the Buff defense to be "throwing away a perfectly good whiteboy" come Saturday afternoon.
3) There is still a talent gap between the teams. Saying CSU has comparable talent to CU is like saying Mayim Bialik is comparable to Jessica Simpson. Even a blind man can smell the difference in talent – Daisy Dukes vs Baggy Dresses. To quote master thespian Joey Lawrence, "Whoa!"
4) A team that has the battle cry "Let's Go Ramin'" is likely to be about as intense and pain inflicting as a whiffle ball to your favorite area.
5) Ben Stratton will be watching from the sidelines. Now Da Lama is not saying that Stratton would have that much of a difference in the outcome if he were healthy. What he is saying is that the players now left alone in the Ram secondary to fend for themselves (while somehow, by someone are being somewhat highly touted) make the cast of The Replacements look competent and skilled. These turds ain't even close to being worthy of chicken & Stovetop! Potatoes for you. Take that!
DA TRUTH (OF THE MATTER):
Da Lama has been (un)fortunate to witness the Ram team firsthand this preseason and let him tell you that, well, there's a reason Sonny & Co. having been trying to keep the media's eye focused on off field matters. Da Truth is…the 2005 vintage of Chateau Ram sucks hard enough to set off all kinds of alarms in your head... unless you are British, then it sets off claxons or something of the sort. Understand this: when it's time for the Rams to showcase their wares on Saturday... nobody will be buying.
And That's The Bottom Line Because Da Lama Said So.