Hey Urban! How About Me?

Florida Football Coach Urban Meyer will have a lot of options to consider when it comes to replacing defensive coordinator Charlie Strong. Losing the veteran coach to Louisville leaves a big hole in the Florida staff, but with that comes opportunity for Meyer to think outside the box.

Let's face it, anyone could hire a capable defensive coach with an excellent track record but is Florida just any program? I think not. The Gators could shake things up with the bold move and name someone with zero experience to coach the Gator defense.

Actually, if it was zero experience I couldn't get the job because I did serve as defensive coordinator for the Martin County High School Class of '76 powder puff football team. We shut out the class of '77 until the final play of the game in a 30-6 blowout.

So here I offer up my candidacy for the position as well as the top ten reasons why Meyer should take me up on the offer.

No. 10 ---- Huge improvement on interview days. I may not know what I'm talking about, but I can sell it with wit and charm. An amused media is a friendly media. A friendly media is an easily manipulated media.

No. 9 ---- You'll have no concerns that another school might hire me away.

No. 8 ---- Loads of free publicity as your bold hire leads me to make the circuit on PTI, Jim Rome, Larry King, John Stewart, Jay Leno, Oprah and the 700 Club.

No. 7 ---- There's bound to be a drop off next year. Now you'll have someone to blame. Everyone will blame me.

No. 6 ---- Overweight players will feel much better about themselves.

No. 5 ---- Wowing recruits with origami skills. OK, I don't have any, but I can learn. What prospect could turn down a guy who can make the Sunday paper look like an Alligator eating a Bulldawg?

No. 4 ---- I'm already really sick of Lane Kiffin.

No. 3 ---- I have not had an affair with Tiger Woods.

No. 2 ---- You can pay me half what Strong made, freeing up salary for coaches who are actually qualified for their jobs. I'll need a very talented staff.

No. 1 ---- I already have Attorney Huntley Johnson on speed dial

So do I get the job? It's not like I need relocation expenses and I already have a campus parking permit!

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