The Dawg Post Mail Bag...On Time!

ATHENS - Another edition of Fletcher Page's notes, observations and somewhat relavant rambling.

thedogfather asks: A lot of rumors have been flying around about why there was no mailbag. Is it true Dean gave you to the Tech site for a week in return for a pack of smokes?


skeeter22 enters to say: I heard a trade was offered then pulled because he couldn't pass the orientation for (the Tech) board.

ForAllPeople chimes in via PM: I heard Dean finally got fed up with playing second fiddle on his own site to you and your famous Mail Bag!

dawgs8742 also emails to add: Did you and Dean have a content dispute. I could see why. The Mail Bag is dicey at times.

Between these comments and the backlash I felt last week, I can see and brag to Dean about the Mail Bag being a prominent feature here.

Truthfully though, I initially declared myself eligible for the journalism draft (held every year in Red Smith's hometown of Green Bay, Wisc.)

I had been told Sports Illustrated, Slam and Sporting News all were looking for a Mail Bag writer…so I thought there was a legit chance I'd be drafted high. I was rated better on Mel Kiper's big board than where Todd McShay ranked me. But I didn't pay those guys much attention.

I was focused only on my Pro Day, held at Dean Legge's desk. This would be my shining moment to prove I deserved to be drafted.

Just as I was preparing to go through a grueling workout (testing my headline writing, caffeine consumption and Tweeting speed, just to name a few) in front of the talent evaluators, an obscure rule came into play.

I was unable to workout in front of all the writing scouts because I live 6.2 miles from the nearest Starbucks or Duncan Donuts, outside of the mandated zone. This made it illegal for the scouts to see me write live, since a coffee spot must always be within a few minutes notice.

Dean Legge came to bat for me at the final minute. He set up televisions in his living room so the scouts could watch me type, but the damage had already been done. Despite a full three years of clips and awards, the scouts decided my 20-minute workout was the most important thing to base my draft grade on.

Since they couldn't see me write (even though they watched me on monitors as I ripped through a quick narrative, a commentary piece and argumentative column) I was told I needed to return to Dawg Post for one more year to hone my skills.

So, my dream of being drafted was thrown into a homeless man's burning barrel. Next year, my friends. Next year…If only Dean had prepared for my Pro Day in advance. If only…

With all that said…ladies and gentlemen, you already know what it is…let's get it poppin'.

BernieDawg asks: Who does Tenn and Tech end up with as coach? And how much can Fox use their vacancies to his advantage?

Funny you bring this up first, as I was just laughing about something involved in the Tennessee search.

A national analyst (who I will not name) said of the hunt for a new coach: Tennessee needs to find a coach who can recruit well, involve the community and play by the NCAA rules. And I thought to myself…you get paid to say things like that? So you're telling me the coach needs to get good players, get the fans excited and not cheat? Hmmm…I'd never thought about coaching in this way.

C'mon man!

I'm not sure who will take the Tennessee job. There are impending NCAA sanctions hanging like a fat, black cloud over there…and the two best players currently on the roster (Hopson and Harris) will probably turn pro.

Running the buzzards off that basketball carcass will be the first task the new guy has. Good luck.

As for Tech…the underachieving Tech…I'd expect a coach to be in place by the end of next week. The three names I keep hearing are Gregg Marshall of Wichita State, Chris Mooney of Richmond and Chris Mack of Xavier. I don't think the Yellow Jackets will hire somebody like Mark Price, who is of the most famous alumni variety, but has no head coaching experience. It's always possible though.

begger digs at the Minion: How'd you get scooped on Djurisic and have you gotten any thing for us on him?

Well, I knew about the commitment right after it went public (An outlet covering Arizona State actually broke the story, as bizarre as that sounds). But since that cat is from Connecticut, I didn't have his number. By the time I went through my boss, who went through a national recruiting guy, who went through Djurisic's head coach, Scout already had a story written by Brian Snow.

I saw no need to write another story with similar quotes from the high school coach.

Well, that and I was at the Clermont Lounge sipping on a poorly crafted 7-and-7 and making connections of another sort at the time this all went down.

Also, does that mean Fox is done for the spring, or is he still hoping for a JUCO C (the NJCAA tournament was recently held, and I'd assume they checked that out)? Oh, and lastly, Ware that was committed to Tennessee, can you try to check on him and if he'd be interested in Athens should UT release him without SEC restriction.

I don't see how Fox can take another low post commit in this class—not with what 2012 has to offer.

Along the lines of Kevin Ware, I think if Georgia takes another player it will be a guard. Robinson and Dustin Ware will be gone after next season…so that means as of right now, Sherrard Brantley and Vincent Williams would be the only guards on the team. That means either Fox is going to pull a guard late in this class, or he'll be relying on freshmen from the 2012 class to come in and be able to play right away.

Even Tom Cruise would say that's risky business.

The coaching staff better try all they can to pull in Ware late. He is considering UGA, along with probably the 20-something other schools that are getting in the scrap for his late pledge.

I'd be surprised if Tennessee doesn't give him a full release. But, I wouldn't be surprised if they did limit him. They're like the Pirates of the SECbean over there.

Seriously. They have trouble showering. They play by their own rules. They take everything, leave nothing and cut a blazing trail with smoldering ruin in their wake.

I guess you missed the last part of Bruce Pearl's original press conference back in 2005 when he got the job. AD Mike Hamilton made him sing these lyrics after the cameras were turned off and only the boosters and alumni were around.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot, Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

We kindle and char, inflame and ignite, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. We burn up the city, we're really a fright, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads, Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

I'll go ahead and label this the Question of the Week, since it led to an answer spiced with pirates and pirates singing. I'll send you an envelope full of scurvy, rickets and halitosis. Enjoy!

RyanJordan asks: Do you think moving the Senior Gala to the Clermont Lounge would improve recruiting on that important weekend?

Being that I was just there this past weekend, I'm going to say recruiting efforts would be hampered if Georgia held the Gala there. The drinks taste flat. The place smells like a Marlboro Red and a sweaty armpit just had a baby. And all the recruits would spend hours getting the glitter off after they left.

That's a no win situation…but a situation nonetheless.

Fletch, Please give your explanation of the difference between a state, territory, prefecture, province, county and parish and tell me your plans for making a standard classification system for this topic across the world. Instead of the Metric System, we can call it the Fletcher System.

Well, first of all, we need to throw provinces out. It reeks of Canadian bacon influence.

You're right; we've got to get on the same page here. The current system is confusing, especially if you travel abroad. Or maybe it's not confusing for people who travel abroad, because they probably have the hang of it by now.

Either way, I think we need to streamline this baby. Parishes need to go, too. They reek of French dressing. Prefectures are out also—because they only work in video games or anime.

So we've dropped provinces and parishes and prefectures. Poof, be gone.

Countries should be composed of states. Those states should then be composed of counties. And private high schools should be forced to play in a separate league…you know, so public or county schools that can't actively recruit have a fighting chance to win some bling.

This is the word. Let it be.

BlackDeathD asks: I have noticed a few SEC predictions that have SCU schedule as easy with the exception of UF, but no mention of the UGA game as a tough game for them. IS SCU talent that much ahead of UGA right now? Could UGA be coming into that game under the radar?

Well, if you get your hopes, dreams and wishes answered—and by that I mean a win over Boise State, then no, Georgia will not be under the radar coming into the South Carolina festival.

But at the moment, think about where the national perception of Georgia probably stands at the present moment…The Bulldogs were 6-7 last year. They lost their best offensive player; their best defensive player and they're counting on a few recruits on both sides of the ball to make much needed impacts.

Think about that. Re-read that paragraph. For somebody in Omaha, Nebraska, Georgia doesn't look all that intimidating on paper. National on-lookers don't know much about Jarvis Jones or Alec Ogletree's switch to inside linebacker. They don't know that Aaron Murray could be in line to make a big leap in terms of production or leadership. They don't know any of the names trying to replace A.J. at wide receiver.

Why should they expect Georgia to be better?

That's why Georgia isn't getting the love right now. But there is always hope. Remember, only Kirk Herbstreit picked Auburn to win the SEC West last year. If he picks Georgia this year, take your next three paychecks to a Vegas casino and let ‘em ride. People will hate…but if they hate, let ‘em hate and watch the money pile up. Only if Kirk says so though.

Will CMR bring sexy back to Athens in 2011?

No. Wait…No. Winning again? Yes. Sexy back...No.

Dean Legge stops by, surely begrudgingly: Ok. I will play... who you got? G.I. Joe's The Baroness or DC Comic's Wonder Woman...?

Leave it to Dean to ask about cartoon seduction. I bet you learned some new words when you finally went to a public school, didn't you Dean?

While I mostly try to focus on living color, I'll humor you…Here's my Top 10 list of animated temptresses:

10) Catwoman – All I see is Michelle Pfeiffer when I see the cartoon version of Catwoman…and that's a great, great thing.

9) Kitana from Mortal Kombat – She probably gets a bump because I was seven-years-old…and she could kick my ass.

8) April O'Niel from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Since she hangs out with Mutant Ninja Turtles, something tells me she's up for anything.

7) Arial from Little Mermaid – There is that whole fish and fins thing going against her. And I'm not quite sure if she is of age yet. Lawrence Taylor says that's not really an issue.

6) Betty Rubble – A true girl next door. Barney was in over his head, overachieving with his lady pull.

5) Jasmine from Aladdin – Two words: Exotic.

4) Princess Toadstool – I spent so much time fighting off dinosaurs and other creatures to save her from Bowser that I've permanently lost the feeling in my right thumb from mashing the same two buttons on my Super Nintendo controller. The least she could do is call me back.

3) Wonder Woman – She's hot, mysterious and she could protect you if a gang of badasses approaches you at the diner or drive-in movie. Yeah, we're on a date in the 1970s…get over it.

2) Daphne from Scooby Doo – I thought Fred was my friend. He's not. He blocked my advances with one of his harebrained traps and kept Daphne for himself.

1) Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit – I definitely couldn't take her home to meet the Minion's Mother. Maybe I could take her to the Clermont Lounge. Actually, you would probably meet her at the Clermont Lounge.

hpdog asks: Let's assume Travis L. comes back. Who do you think is our starting 5 next year?

If Leslie comes back and Thompkins does not, I see it playing out this way: Robinson at the 1, Caldwell-Pope (he's not doing me any favors with this hyphenated name. And it makes for redundant conversation too) at the 2, Leslie at the 3, Thornton at the 4 and either Williams, Dixon or Florveus at the 5.

This lineup is scary thin…but very athletic. Thornton must make himself into a 30-minute per game player this offseason.

Also, if the Baseball team has another poor year, do you think Perno is gone?

I think Perno may have expected his team to be hovering around .500 at best by this point of the season. The OOC schedule was brutal. Like elementary kids on a field trip bus behavior flavor of brutal.

So I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt to this point. He's beaten some damn good teams (USC, Baylor, South Carolina, UCLA, FSU) and also suffered some bad defeats. No shame in that.

But if Georgia struggles in the SEC like it did last year, then that's when you can start lighting the torches and fetching pitchforks. Perno cannot have another disappointing year in the conference.

skeeter22 asks: Since the NCAA gave a year suspension to Dez Bryant for "misleading" investigators...will or should Tressel get at least that much of a vacation? If not, why? If so, will tOSU find a way to blame it on the SEC?

When this first broke, I thought Tressel should be fired. Then I remembered he's 106-22, including six straight conference titles, eight BCS bowl appearances and most importantly boasts a 9-1 mark against hated rival Michigan.

So he's not going anywhere.

I think at a minimum, he should be a handed a five-game suspension, just like the players got. The cover-up is worse than the crime though, so perhaps additional action should be taken. But I doubt he gets a year or is fired—which would be the punishment for a lesser-esteemed coach.

jca239 asks: Spring Break is over and the Dawgs are back in camp...are there any "problems" with Smokey that we have not heard about? It seems like this time last year we started hearing about Americas Most Wanted.

Good point. The weeks that followed spring break last year were filled with tales of the ‘Remerton Rambler.' They were of the sordid type, full of drinking, touching and the ultimate saga of a little rabbit shot down.

I'm not exactly sure what that last paragraph means. There are words strung together, for better or probably worse.

Anyway, if something did happen over the break, I haven't heard of it. And believe me, the beat writers on this beat have most likely already FOI'd the whole damn Eastern seaboard. So if there was info of an arrest, it would probably have already dominated the headlines.

I think Georgia is in the clear—another important hurdle to pass on the road to good standing.

blackbulldawg asks: Well it feels like forever since the last Mail Bag but here are my questions.

And the realization that I missed out on my dream is brought back to the forefront...sigh.

1. I am tired of all of our UGA's just hanging out in the dog house doing nothing can we get one with a little more spirit like IV and V?

Not going to happen. I think the line has reached the end of "Inbred Road." There is no turning back.

These days, the only thing getting Uga wound up is if he finds a blue M&M pleasantly tucked away in one of his face wrinkles. Otherwise, he's content to just lounge around and pray his ACLs don't detonate the next time he jumps off the bed.

2. Since you joined back up with the football team since basket ball is over do alot of the players feel the heat to hold their positions off from freshman?

I would think Kwame Geathers and the running back contingent are feeling the pressure to get better in a hurry.

And possibly Jakar Hamilton and Shawn Williams at safety.

They're like inmates on death row. It's time to stop writing poetry or music and get to working on those appeals.

3. Can Cornelius be the "KILLER" he was labeled by you or Dean last year?

You better hope so. The depth at OLB is shaky at best. Washington must pan out, because you can place all your hopes on true freshmen coming in and playing early all you want. It might work out. It might. I don't like "it might" odds.

Washington has the look, speed and potential…but he needs to play football. He needs to know what he's doing out there on every play. And he just needs to play loose and be himself.

He can still be a killer, but he needs to sharpen his knife…so to speak.

4. If you had a belly flop competition between garner and grantham who do you pick to win?

So many ways to go with this answer…hmmmm…

I'll take Garner…but I don't think I should post my reasoning behind the selection. Let's just say I think he's produced a few flops in the past decade. Moving on (How I'm still alive and writing this thing is beyond me).

5. If you and Dean were in a Tag team match against each other who would your partners be and would Dean still wear shorts?

Oh yeah, Dean would come out wearing his patented shorts—emblazoned with his moniker "Lord Kingpin" on the backside.

He'd choose Damon Evans as his partner because of his uncanny ability to wiggle out of sticky situations and still land on his feet. This is an important quality in wrestling and life!

The Minion here would select Justin Houston—you know, because he can kill you just by looking at you.

Kingpin and Daman (wrestling nickname censored by Dean Legge) would certainly get off to a fast start…but as the match wore on, the writing would be on the wall. Damon would be more interested in impressing his superiors and looking cool than actually winning. The team of Dean and Damon would crumble from the inside out as they slipped in the match.

I'd let Houston finish them both off with his finishing move—the Bull Rush—and we'd exit stage left as Dawg Post Wrestling! Tag Team Champs.

Next week, we tackle the Nation of Coordination in a no-holds barred match.

MagicMan31 asks: I bet my co-worker and USCe alum $100 that UGA would win in Athens this year. Please confirm that this was a good bet and that I am not just a cocky UGA fan.

Let's see…Marcus Lattimore in 2010: 1197 yards and 17 TDs. Also: 97 broken tackles against Georgia. Give or take a few. Alshon Jeffery in 2010: 88 catches, 1517 yards and nine TDs. And they both return for 2011.

Yeah, I'd say you'll be fine. No worries.

SuwaneeDawg03 asks: What do you foresee as the weakest link in the 2012 season? Will it be our running game, our run defense, or will it be a coach holding us back....say Bobo?

I'd say fans leaving after the third quarter…12th man my ass.

Honestly (and this may be a cop out answer), I think defensive depth—proven defensive depth—may be the weakest link I perceive at this moment. The projected starting lineup, at least the one in my head, looks pretty damn solid. But there are a few positions that can ill afford an injury or for a player not to pan out. Nose tackle, outside linebacker, and safety don't have any depth whatsoever. Corner isn't exactly loaded either. All of these positions are top-heavy, which is fine, as long as no unforeseen negativity blasts Georgia from behind a shady corner.

So a few freshmen are going to need to come in and be ready.

Krystal or White Castle? Also what is your preference....regular, w/cheese, Double, or the Sackful. I assume you go with the Sackful.

I like Krystal over White Castle…although the paint on my apartment walls gets rather angry with me the day after I meet with Krystal.

I prefer w/cheese, no mustard…and I can throw down a sack full if I need to impress my date. I don't intend on going home alone after we tear down the Krystal, son.

Is it judgmental to call someone judgmental?

No. But only because I hate judgmental people. Well, I only hate judgmental people who speak openly about their judgmental views as if I'm going to laugh or agree with them just because they think the way they think is the way everybody should think. Get that? Good.

But I go with the ‘control what you can control' way of life. I don't get too tore up about other people's beliefs, unless of course I get hit in the head by a rock at a random protest rally, which I wouldn't be at, anyway. So I think we're good.

Speaking of this, I'm fixing to head out to football practice, where I'll judge if Alec Ogletree is adjusting to his role at inside linebacker.

Turn the lights out boys, the party's over. We outta here, baby. Thank ya'll for coming.

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