Yeah, I came back to Athens. Illinois was great — cold, but it was great. Been working at the paper in town.
Yeah it has been too long… You know, I’m not busy this Thursday… If you’re free, maybe we could, I dunno, catch up. Pour a glass and take it back to when we didn’t know we had it so good…
Yeah, you’ve got my number. Let me know…
I’ll just to start it out right. I’m back. The Mail Bag is back. Back in my hands.
This wasn’t easy. Dean and I went through a breakup that made Blake and Miranda look amicable. Dean made me so mad I bolted all the way to Illinois, donned snow boots in January and February and watched Big Ten football for two seasons.
Of all that I experienced in the Illi, it wasn’t the winter that made me numb.
Meanwhile, Dean took the Mail Bag, inserted cat videos and watched it go the way of the Bobo.
Extinct from the Georgia market.
I’m back. But the truth is, I never really left. I ducked in for the occasional easy joke on the Porch. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy me.
The truth is, folks… I really don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just come right out with it…
I’m AirForceDawg. The whole time, it was me. I had to do something. I was miserable without the interaction I’d grown accustomed to. But Fletcherpage was stale on the board. My product — even though it was the same — wasn’t dope anymore.
So I changed the name. I gave you something a little different and you loved me. You asked for me. You put my handle in the subject lines!
You helped me get my confidence back.
But damn, have you tried toggling between two accounts on Scout? Hell, by the looks of it, some of you quit toggling a single. I had to let it go, but after that I knew I still had it.
What I really wanted back was the Mail Bag. And after swallowing my pride, I asked Dean if I could get my corner back. I gifted him a case of Diet Coke and threatened to show all of y’all a photo of him willingly enjoying a meal at Applebee’s.
So… I’m back.
With all that said…ladies and gentlemen, you already know what it is…let's get it poppin’…
Dijana Kunovac asks: Fletcher, remember how much the Mail Bag almost ruined you? Remember how you made so many people mad? Remember sleeping the night before it ran — you don’t because you didn’t.
Why are you doing this?
FP: I’m doing this for the people. I negotiated my return for a long time. My terms were simple… Pick up my weekly tab at Taco Stand and don’t ever call me before noon. That’s all I wanted. Dean wasn’t having it.
So I stood put. Until I saw the latest Buy Two Months Get the Rest of the Year Free deal on Dawg Post. Talk about a spit in the face of my people.
Here’s what I’ve agreed and engineered to do. Anybody that took that deal can’t read this. They’re not reading it right now. This is only for yearly, paying subs. Yes, I have the tech capabilities to ensure privacy on a computer that Gary Glitter only dreamed about.
Washaun Ealey asks: Does anybody know where I am?
Chad Simmons asks: Fletch, give us your Fast Five recruits — rank the commits and then the targets.
FP: Mr. Simmons, you’re somebody’s hero for sure.
Here’s my Top Five Current Commits (not by talent, not by coolest name, could be by most impressive dreads).
5. Garrett Walston — because, just like him, I too preferred North Carolina for most of the process before choosing to go to Georgia.
4. Chad Clay — over 6 feet tall and I hear the new d-backs coach is targeting corners that tall (what a concept!).
3. Tyrique McGhee — I’ve always had a thing for Peach County.
2. Ben Cleveland — he makes his own deer jerky. I like deer jerky.
1. Jacob Eason — I hear he’s going to reclassify and start for Georgia this season.
That was a shot at Will Muschamp. Whatever. Georgia already has a legit quarterback in the class, something both myself and Muschamp didn’t accomplish the last four seasons.
Still a lot left to get done.
5. Kyle Davis — Sounds like an elementary school name. Kyle Davis Elementary. Fundamental need. Rudimentary to see his talent.
4. Derrick Brown — I feel like right now Georgia is Tiger Woods and defensive lineman are — OK, you get it… On Tinder? No, no… Swipe right. Moving on.
3. Rashan Gary — I mean, why not? You go to the movies, you’re allowed to eat the large popcorn. You’re allowed to eat the whole thing. You’re allowed to get three popcorns. That make sense? No, Gary's not eating popcorn. The Georgia coaching staff is watching the movie... oh, forget it.
2. Charlie Woerner — He’s from Rabun County. I grew up just over the hill. What that says about me is exactly right.
1. Mecole Hardman — Hey, I’m not you Chad. He’ll be at the top of my list from the start.
Wes Muilenburg asks: Big Fletch, from our time on the road I’ve grown to respect your music knowledge and taste. Wanna left field you here. List your favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song/favorite Boys II Men song? Anybody in the Georgia program you can compare to those bands?
LS: Tuesday’s Gone — that song genuinely makes me feel like I lost something.
Boys II Men: I’ll Make Love to You — that song genuinely makes me feel like I found something. Yeah, like I found a good night. Although for people like us Wes, that’s like a Tuesday night.
Luckily those Tuesday’s are gone. Light work.
Hold up… Remember that dude with glasses in BIIM that would randomly start deep-voice talking during instrumental breaks?
I so wish Mark Richt would address jackasses who call for his head like that.
Message board guy, I'm here for you
All those times at night when you just hurt me
And just run out with and talked about that other coaching fella
Baby, I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and look for another job all night
Just like you did, message board guy, but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day, baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain, baby
'Cause you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me
OK, let’s keep it moving.
Christian Robinson asks: I am the social media king, right?
Christian, you are everywhere and it always looks like you’re having a damn good time. Thanks for keeping us posted. But I’ve got to put this to a special vote.
It’s down to you and John Lilly. Our panel of three judges will decide your fate.
Me (laptop expert): Crob.
Darnell Salomon (mobile device expert): Lilly.
Josh Murray (because he’s got to serve some purpose): Lilly.
Better luck next time, Christian!
In all seriousness (and this was all, extremely serious stuff), I’m back, and we'll be taking our journey again on a weekly basis. I’ll ask for your questions on Monday and try to get it back to you by Thursday afternoon.
Damn, don’t it feel good?
I'm hitting the back door and getting out of here before this gets any worse…
Turn out the lights boys, the party's over…We outta' here baby…Thank y'all for coming.