Putting Lipstick on a Pig

OK, let's skip right to the good part. I was fresh out of ideas this week, so this morning I put a plea on both the premium & free boards of Cyclone Nation for an "Ask Bobby Trippe" segment. Think of it as the internet version of a TV "clip show". I'll now turn my keyboard over to Mr. Bobby Trippe, the stuffed wild boar head who hangs on the side of our tailgating bus.

(CYlent Bob goes out for a sammich, and Bobby Trippe enters)


Thank you, Mr. Bob.  I appreciate the opportunity to answer questions from ISU fans.


Our first question(s) come from premium board member acoustimac:


1. Will our AD price the common people completely out of the RV parking area in 07? Currently, people who have given up to $2500 were moved from the stadium to the north lot forcing over 40 RVs out. So, the other half of the Q is...will they expand RV parking in place of some cars?


That's an excellent question.  As a stuffed boar's head, I have little influence at the AD's office, but my guess is …. Yes and yes.  Our athletic department is sorely in need of funds, and I think that Jamie Pollard will do what it takes to maximize that revenue source.  Right now, the RV parking is limited to a set number of passes, and it makes sense that those passes will continue to be issued to the highest bidders.  RV owners who don't make the cut will be moved over to the public lots, but the problem with that scenario is that when an RV goes to the public lots, why would it's owner continue to join the National Cyclone Club when he doesn't get a parking permit for his effort?  I would look for the athletic department to contact everyone who's previously purchased an RV parking pass and try to find out how willing they would be to fill a third tier of RV parking spaces.  The North RV lot is located in the "State's 250/Cardinal (500)" area of the parking lot, so every car displaced would be paying approximately 250 to 500 dollars.  If you figure that each bus/RV takes up approximately four parking places, that would mean that a revenue neutral solution would require the NCC to get between $1000 and $2000 for each RV parking permit.  Of course, that's assuming that they don't just displace the $100/$250 donors (who were already notified last spring that they wouldn't be guaranteed spots this year), which would mean that bus/RV passes would have to get around $1000 of revenue to make it into the donor spots.  I think we need to be careful to keep our unique tailgating atmosphere while we try to maximize revenues.  Surely, we can find middle ground here.


2. I think there needs to be a contest of sorts...a challenge. Who hosts the best tailgate based on...food, music, decor, friendliness, drink, etc. Maybe award several categories. I'd place a challenge for one of the upcoming games, pull together a small group (3-4) of us (it has to include Deace) to judge and have some fun with it. There could be some great stories come from this.


I'm all for competition, but don't plan on getting Deacer's ample rear end off his couch to do any of this type of thing.  He didn't get that big ‘ol HDTV to have a place to stack his old "Star Trek" videotapes, ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.  If you want a celebrity panel, why not have Chris, Luke and Jack do the honors, along with one representative from the message board community, like Cowboyclone.  Otherwise, it's an excellent idea.  I've got dibs on "Best Pork-Themed tailgate".


3. Related to number 1...how many big dollar donors just drive their fancy RVs in for the day, don't even set up tailgates, and then leave when the game is done? How many people really feel this adds to the tailgate experience at ISU?


I hear ya, bro.  Maybe the AD could set up another tier of RV parking (with complementary shuttle service to the remote lots) where those who don't wish to tailgate.  The thought that someone could come to a football game in an RV and not bother to light a grill or chill a case of beer is highly disturbing to me, but I'm just a stuffed boar's head, so what do I know?


4. How can the AD keep RVs from other schools out of the reserved parking lots?


This really grinds my gears.  Last year, when we had our monstrosity parked in the high dollar donor lot, we talked to several people at the Iowa game who brought their infernal black & gold RV's/buses into our personal space.  One of them told us that they had a friend who was a BIG donor to ISU who called the athletic department & obtained a pass for them.  Think about it.  ISU sold all the spots in this lot (they oversold the lot … we couldn't get into the lot for the Iowa game, so we waited until the security guy left and drove through the ditch & parked on the grass), but some subgenius in the athletic department thought it would be OK to hand out MORE passes for the biggest game of the year?  The idiot in question should be used as a tackling dummy for out linebackers and then sent over to Iowa City to be the person in charge of keeping Iowa basketball players out of trouble.


I feel VERY strongly that opposing fans should NEVER park in NCC donor lots.  I mean NEVER.  If they want to join the NCC in order to have a spot for one game a year, that's their choice, but big donors should NEVER be allowed to get passes for their opposing buddies or family members.  If they want to get an extra pass, there's a wonderful lot right in front of Gilbert High that they could park in.  I don't care how much money you give to ISU athletics; if you insist on getting parking permits for your Hawkeye/Husker/Sooner buddies, you can take your damn money, roll it up tight and stick it (THIS PART OF THE ANSWER WAS REMOVED BY CN STAFF BECAUSE OF PROFANITY AND DISTURBING MENTAL IMAGES).


Excellent questions, acoustimac.  Next up is ISUFan22 from the premium board:


Can anyone find our tackling abilities? An offensive line perhaps?


I can't help you here.  As a stuffed boar's head, I no longer have arms or legs.  Tackling would be pretty hard for me, even if I did have opposable thumbs.  Maybe we should take out a personal ad or something like that.



Mikealex1 is next, from the free board:


CylentBob....do you still ride a Kawasaki? Seriously....how many people tailgate with you? What time do you have to get to your "spot"? I like your column....makes for a lot better reading than the recap of the games...LOL


CYlentBob does still ride a Kawi (a 2000 EJ650), and will continue to ride it for quite a while.  That's what happens when you spend $2800 to rebuild a busted piston and bad valves resulting from an aborted attempt to ride from Central Iowa to West Point.  He's also got a '77 Kawasaki KZ650 sitting in his garage "awaiting rebirth". 


Our group consists of CYlent Bob, his wife Janis, his sister in law Sara, her husband "Hooter" (also one of CYlent's former college roomies), their old dorm buddy "Hogfarmer" (who owns the bus where I live) and his wife.  Hoggie's kids usually make it over to the games, and CYlent's year-old nephew Jake sometimes makes an appearance.  Rusty and Adam are also regulars (they're referred to as "The Young Guns" – Adam used to work for Hooter, and that's how we got to know them).  My sister in law's friends Toni and Tyler also make it to most of the games, along with Toni's nephew Alex, who's an ISU student.  We usually have at least three or four visitors to every game, plus drop-in traffic.


As far as getting to our spot goes, we usually like to get into line an hour or so before the lots open.  That's been hard to do this year, since we've had several types of mechanical trouble all year.  The bus is parked at a friend's farm North of Ames for the remainder of the season, so we're hopeful that we can get into the grass lot along Elwood for the rest of the year.


I appreciate your reading my work.  I haven't gotten much feedback yet, but that's probably more a reflection of the team's performance rather than my abysmal writing abilities……at least that's what I think.



(handing the baton back to CYlent Bob here, thanks for the questions)


As far as game observations go, here's the extent of what I know.  ISU played at Oklahoma, and took another dive in the first quarter.  The team is apparently stuck in "spring game" mode, and they can't get into gear until they see the scoreboard say "14-0" bad guys.  Our defense played balls out, the offense struggled, and special teams continued to be a non-issue.  We lost DeAndre Jackson to an ACL last weekend, which won't make the rest of the season any easier.  What can our offense do to snap out of their funk?  Beats the hell out of me.


I don't know what's wrong with our team this year.  The defense is younger than the next Mrs. Woody Allen, and our offensive firepower has been crated up and stacked in that warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant ended up in the last scene of "Raiders".


Texas Tech is coming to town on Saturday at 2:30.  I think we can beat them, but will we step up and do what it takes to win?  That's the $64,000 question.  I'm optimistic, but that's just me.  ISU 31, Tx Tech 27 in a shootout (well, a shootout compared to our previous offensive output).


I'll see you out in the lots, Clone Fans.  Go Cyclones!




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