The Shadow and his friends had written on many napkins at the Wig & Pen on Christmas Eve, thinking of just the right gifts to be under the University of Iowa Christmas tree. Needless to say some major alcoholic beverages were served and consumed as they worked on the list. Dick Querry was happy to provide the equipment to "Santa and his elves".
The rules are never ask for too much. Reality must prevail. Therefore, here are the Top Ten gifts for the Black and Gold:
1 & 2. Two flypaper cover corners. The operative word here is COVER. Additional requirements include 4.4 or less in the 40 and hands that can stab the ball out of the air(The Shadow said that O.J.is not an example). Think of the Deuce, Charles Woodson, leaping in the air to one hand the pass against Michigan State before going out of bounds. That was a Heisman moment. The ability to tackle or at least the willingness to learn is also required.
3. A big running back! Last year we lost out on Aya Saba or Kemo Saby to Kansas State. This year we want The Lone Ranger. The perfect back for the one back set offense. Requirements include being a North-South runner. This guy thrives on running between the tackles. This guy is a slashing style runner. Once again, O.J. is not an example here. Speed to go outside would be welcomed, also. Twinkletoe ballet dancers need not apply. This guy has to be as subtle as a sledge hammer. The ability to block or at least the willingness to learn would be nice.
4. A tall wide receiver. The Big Ten was blessed this year with tall, physical wide receivers like Marquis Walker. Kahlil Hill graduates, leaving Iowa with a lot of smurfs and untested talent. The operative word here is TALL. Therefore, 6-3 in height would suffice. Additional requirements include (a) leaping ability and (b) hands. Think of Marquis Walker in the South endzone at Kinnick.
5. A pass rushing defensive end. Although he may be on our roster already, we need a backup. Requirements include extreme quickness and agility to get around say, the left tackle, before delivering the wood to the quarterback. The ability to cover the run and tackle is also required. Remember #99, Andre Tippett?
6. A quarterback to develop. We only have one coming back next year. Chandler is a great addition and will play next year. "I'm thinking high school here" said The Dark One. Phillips is a good one but let's get one more. After all, Iowa is the insurance capital of the midwest. Remember the ads for Folger's coffee featuring Mrs. Olsen? Cream anyone?
7. A fast linebacker. Although I know that we have several in development, can you ever have too many? Think Miami here. They are always loaded at this postion with the agile, mobile and hostile athlete that makes life miserable for opposing offenses.
The last three are saved for our readers to pick. After you open your presents, think of what you would like under the tree at Kinnick Stadium. E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. The three winners will receive the beverage of their choice at Kinnick Stadium next fall in the home opener tailgate. Please note that age requirements do apply because I don't look good in stripes!
Merry Christmas to all from the HawkTalkOnline staff. Even The Shadow is in a festive mood. Please, Lord, keep him that way!