Bob Stoops to coach at Nebraska!

You ever wonder what an illustration of a chicken with it's head cut off looks like, at least in terms of the situation being analogous rather than actually seeing a bird flopping around without it's skull? Look no further folks, because here in the land of the Huskers, you can find one about every six feet. The absence of an official head coach during a time where everyone assumes a search for one is going on, about every coach on the planet has been named as the new man to lead the Big Red.

Hey, I've got this friend in the athletic department that told me Steve Spurrier is going to be the next head coach for Nebraska.


Let me tell you something that I heard from a friend of mine that is related to someone that is the secretary for Steve Pederson himself. It's in the bag, baby, Bill Cowher is the next head coach for NU.


I've got great news!!! I was browsing the internet and in my e-mail box, I got a forward that had gone through about six hundred people, but it said and I quote, "From my source that is a prominent booster which means they know everything, they heard from a coach not within Nebraska, but someone that's close to the situation that said that through an agent's friend that said of the agent, that HE said that in a business deal with a Division III coach trying to get a job at Hofstra, he overheard on the phone one of the photographers for the athletic dept. say to the person on the other end of the line, "Yeah, Nebraska wouldn't mind having Stoops, that's for sure.", so that means folks, it's a done deal, June Jones is going to be our new head coach."


You think this is ridiculous, don't you? You think that only a complete idiot would believe even a tenth of the rumors spreading around like it was an Ebola strain on nitrous. Welcome to the world of what happens at a big time program when nobody knows a thing.

Everyone knows everything.

Since athletic director, Steve Pederson fired Frank Solich and named defensive coordinator, Bo Pelini as the interim head coach, the rumors which were only slight at the start have ballooned to mountainous proportions.

Bill Cowher, Jim Fassel, Urban Meyer, Rich Rodriguez, Norm Chow, Monte Kiffen and who could forget the rumor that still won't die about the infamous or should I say, notorious, Steve Spurrier.

Heck, I've heard people say that Bill Parcells was already sick of Jerry Jones, and was straight into Lincoln. Forget the fact that Bill went out of his way in the last week to compliment the ownership of the Cowboys for making his experience there even better, there just HAS to be some solidity to the rumor though.

Why would they say it if there wasn't?

I'll tell ya why and it's simple. Nobody knows anything. Not one thing. They think they do. They have people telling them that they KNOW they do. You know what? They don't. Because these same knowitalls have been changing their story every single week just like everyone else.

Hmmmm, gosh, I wonder why that is?

Why is it that even the so-called ‘in the know' don't know a thing? Probably because none of them have a straight-line into the office of the only person that really knows what's going on and he's not saying a thing.

Steve Pederson has been consistent with some of the things he's done while his short tenure has endured. Much of that from the belief that what he does only he knows about it, with the possible exception of the man that hired him for the job in the first place, UNL Chancellor, Harvey Perlman.

And, when you have a crowd that has to know everything that's going on and they don't know a thing, that's right, they make it up. Some not by intent, but if they hear it, read it, see it or had visions of it as they passed out from too much ‘happy gas' at the dentist's office, it's almost as good as the truth.

The great thing is though, since nobody is coming out and saying any one thing that's actually factual, you can't discount it completely no matter how asinine it seems.

To add to the air of mystery, you have all the room of a University that can contact every coach on God's green earth without ever having contacted them at all. Yes, the wonderful world of agents. Those mediators that give each coach some sense albeit a still technically false sense of plausible deniability. Basically putting it, if they haven't had direct contact, there's been no contact at all.

So, again, we come down to knowing nothing, but since fans can't stand that, they create, propagate or agitate every bit of so-called ‘legit' information and before you know it, even the mainstream media is putting pictures of these guys on the front of their sports pages.

Are people that gullible? Are they naive? How about stupid?

Personally, I don't know and I must confess that because some rumors never seemed to die, I found myself for brief moments not believing them, but actually thinking ‘what if'. At that point, I knew I had lost my mind. I knew that I had gone over the deep end, succumbing to the mind-numbing blabbering that has befallen all Husker faithful, chained to believing whatever they read, no matter how utterly moronic it seemed. Some just have to hear it more than others.

With my sanity now resting on a stick with the solidity of a gummy worm, I've decided to make an oath to myself.

I don't care.

That's right. Name Foghorn Leghorn the head coach, I could care less, because right now, NU has a decent guy running the show, but if he's not it, bring in Vince Lombardi and I'll even spring for the shovel.

If only to silence the deafening roars of the undiscerning utterings, name Porky the Pig as Nebraska's head master and just give my ears and eyes a friggen break.

I know, I know. You are thinking that yes, I have indeed lost my mind. Surely not everyone or really anyone is that gullible, that naive or even that stupid.

Ok, let's have a test then and for this to work, you have to make sure that you conduct this test with people that you know don't read this site. That's probably about 99 percent of the rest of the state of Nebraska, so you should have a lot of options, but we'll see just how off-base I am.

Is my faith or lack thereof misplaced or have I hit the nail on the proverbial head?

Let's find out. Cut and paste the following fictional message into an email and send it to people you know. Again, nobody that is likely to have read this site, because, well, duhhhhh. Paste this and see what kind of reaction you get. I would love to know as well if only to rekindle my faith, bring back some of my sanity and calm my fears that the world is already in the handbasket.

Here it is:

Hey, this is something I found out that's pretty interesting. And, I know, everyone is going to say no way and I have to admit, I was really skeptical to, but that's until I found out this.

I know someone that works with the players for every practice and I mean, every single one. And, we've all assumed that by that display by the players that they didn't know a thing about what was going on. Turns out, that's not entirely accurate.

Because of the situation and how bad the players wanted to keep Pelini, they thought the best way would be to simply say nothing and just play hard in the bowl, win it for him and he would be the choice in the end.

You know what happened though with that whole meeting and it took quite a bit of telling people as to what was really going on to get it all settled down. Turns out, the players that didn't know about it were the ones raising the most hell.

The players thought they got it all taken care of, swept it under the rug, but my friend said they found out that Pederson was furious. He was so mad, he ditched the whole idea of Pelini being the guy and put together his own full-scale search for someone from the pros.

I know Pederson is trying to keep everything a secret, but it leaked down to the players that Pelini was going to be out or put back to D.C. and now, some players don't feel like their secrecy is really all that necessary. If they can't save Pelini, who cares?

So, what I got through this guy that spoke to this player is that Marty Schottenheimer has been in consistent contact with the University through his agent. We've seen what Marty is going through in San Diego with all the youth and injuries not to mention the loss of players. They say he's going to get fired anyway and I guess Marty thinks it's inevitable to.

San Diego's last game is against Oakland on the 28th and we should hear something not long after that.

As to Marty, I'm a Chief fan, so I loved him and hated him all at the same time. K.C. was always good, but the playoffs were always a nightmare. I guess it's good that Division 1 doesn't have the playoffs, isn't it?

Either way, I know it's hard to swallow, but this guy I heard from is a rock and I mean a rock. He wouldn't make this up. It has to be true!!!!

Just cut and paste that into an e-mail and send it on it's way and please, let me know just what you hear at


I can't take much more of this. Please let me know that nobody believes this, that logic still reigns supreme. Let me know that the world outside of this Scarlet and Cream Cuckoo's nest, some sensibility exists.

It still won't help in the end I guess, but at least when I do go over the top and this planet becomes a mass of silly putty, populated by billions of biological resemblances of ‘lambchop', I will go peacefully, knowing I was the only one.

Steve Ryan can be reached at or 402-730-5619

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