Shooting Point Blank

Many of you may not know this, but my background didn't necessarily start with the Big Red. Before I was studying Xs & Os, it was OSes and CPUs. Now, with that in mind, I thought we would do much like our neighbors in Manhattan do. Often times we see "E3" for Ell Roberson or "HCBS" for Head Coach…naw, too easy. It is with this in mind that we gaze into the crystal ball for 2004 and see just what sort of acronyms will be useful for your experience in rooting for YOUR Nebraska Cornhuskers.

HCBC (Head Coach Bill Callahan) – A man on a mission, William Callahan, Esquire will be taking hold of the reigns of Big Red football and focusing on more balance, that is TM (throw more) and RL (run less) or at least until we reach a state of BOTCOSG (Balance Over The Course Of Several Games). You follow? Good. Now, HCBC came into Nebraska promising some very interesting things, a national title being one of them. The second major announcement of the HCBC era was…

MWCO (MidWest Coast Offense) – Basketball on grass? PISHAW AND ODDS BODKINS...or something. The MWCO will feature a bevy of flexibility according to HCBC featuring the ability to run more WWNT (When We Need To, not to be confused with When Would Nougat Turn?) or pass more WWNT, depending on the SATT. Are you starting to see how people make a lot of money memorizing this junk? Okay, let's be fair and ditch most of the macros for this time, fair? As I was saying, the MWCO features, as its marquee component, fun. It will attract a more traditional QB and WR (So much for that idea…) and, hopefully, will aid in the sudden implementation. We're going AGAINST the Notre Dame philosophy here, people.

SQBJD/BQBMS (Starting Quarterback Joe Dailey/Backup Quarterback Mike Stuntz) - This acronym is fairly interchangeable, at least at this point in time. While Joseph Dailey may have the edge on his quarterbackian cohorts, there is the issue of Mike "You Know, I Did THROW That Pass" Stuntz, Jordan Adams, Beau Davis, Garth Glissman and the 47th Infantry which will be spending some time in the Nebraska quarterback depth chart. Here's an early spring prediction for you based on low sleep and low nutritional intake: Joe Dailey wins the starting spot but is backed up by Jordan Adams.

OMGIWASSO (Oh My Gosh, It Wasn't A Short-Side Option!) – Sure to be muttered by many Cornhusker aficionados this fall, OMGIWASSO will likely be used on 3rd and <Insert Distance Here> when, instead of the time-honored "Here Ya Go, Jammal" play, a pass or some manner of trap might be instituted. OMGIWAQBD (Oh My Gosh, It Wasn't A Quarterback Draw) can also be substituted in this instance.

TWHHIBWH (This Wouldn't Have Happened If Bo Was Here) – Much like OMGIWASSO, TWHHIBWH is likely to be uttered about as frequently as the phrase "Paris Hilton" is entered into the Google search engine these days. Of course, a variety of situations could occur for this acronym to be flung into the far reaches of the galaxy: A big gain, a short gain, a medium gain, a touchdown, a field goal, an extra point, Bill Callahan's hiring, Barney Cotton's firing, Steve Pederson's birth, an asteroid falling into orbit and finally, Armageddon. An "M" can be substituted for the "B" in reference to Coach Sanders.

ISGWGROTOU (I Sure Am Glad We Got Rid Of Those Old Uniforms) – An oldie, but a goodie. Still rings true, don't it?

IASTDEROII (It's A Shame That Demorrio's Eligibility Ran Out, Isn't It?) Let's face it, the past couple of starting #7s Nebraska had were special and I don't mean "Gabby Hayes special", either. Demorrio Williams easily will go down as one of my favorite Blackshirts ever, right up there with Wistrom, Farley and Glover. It seriously frustrated the ever loving bejeesus out of me to think he was put in a position to do anything but succeed in 2002 along with the rest of the unit because, as we saw in 2003, even when double-teamed, the kid's got heart. He's had a tough road and I hope he plays long in the big leagues. Much love, D-mo, much love.

OTWRI (Outland Trophy Winner Richie Incognito) – The Baby-faced Brawler himself could very well be toting away some hardware following this, his junior year and, should he decide to stick it out for a possible national title run in 2005 (it could happen, mayhaps), could it be TWO-TIME, TWO-TIME? I'd like to think so. I can think of several others who title themselves "Coach" who would as well.

SGTKA40OZPS (Someone Get That Kid A 40 Ounce Porterhouse, Stat!) – What you might be hearing said to Beau Davis upon stepping onto campus for the very first time. Cryin' out loud, Beau, I'm glad you're coming to Nebraska, son, at least to get some meat on those bones! I get hungry just lookin' at ya and it isn't because you remind me of my mammy's meatloaf, either.

WWSPD (What Would Steve Pederson Do?) – Uttered by several corporate CEOs and major stockholders across the country when trying to determine just how to properly downsize and with gusto, yet.

IIATTYETA (Isn't It About Time That You Ended This Article?) – Why yes, yes it is.

Questions, commentary and OTYLTTA can be sent to Blankman71@cox.net


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