A Wolfpacker's Perspective

THESE ARE THE TIMES that try men's souls. And I'm not just talking about the on-again-off-again ACC expansion talks (although I have come to hate Duke and UNC at a whole new, previously unobtainable, level). I'm talking about something bigger than just expansion; I'm talking about the very role of allegiance in our world today. Let's start at the beginning…

For the sake of the uninitiated, now that the ACC is being sued by a few loser Big East schools, the presidents of UNC and Duke are considering voting against expansion (which would completely screw the conference). However, as long as no other schools vote "no" as well, expansion will continue to move forward because there are nine schools in the ACC and a minimum of seven votes are required. But the issue here is that simply because there are suddenly some obstacles, the weak-willed idiots who head UNC and Duke may turn their backs on their sister schools. These are not people you want to go to battle with. These are not the people you want "watching your back." Duke president Nan Keohane and UNC president James Moeser are self-centered, small minded, clowns.

Personally, I don't want to see us play UNC or Duke ever again in anything; football, basketball, ping pong, I don't care. Well, maybe skeet-shooting (as long as they're the skeet and we're doing the shooting). The ACC must expand. This is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Does anyone remember last football season and the joke that was the ACC champion in a BCS game? I do. And I don't give a rat's ass about how good we COULD be this year. Or how much potential UVA has. Or the strides Maryland has made. The fact is, last year the ACC sending a team to a BCS game was viewed as a joke. That should never happen again (and with our vastly improving conference and the addition of Miami, it won't). Anyway, my point on this is allegiance.

I used to be a huge Guns N' Roses fan. I loved Pearl Jam's album "Ten." "Physical Graffiti" is the greatest rock album of all time. However, I have to wonder if I would even know these albums from front to back if I were growing up in today's world. Case in point, Radiohead's "Hail to the Thief," comes out in stores today but I've had it for two weeks (good album by the way- not as good as "The Bends" which is the standard to which all Radiohead albums are held). I have countless burned cds with singles from albums I've never heard. I haven't bought an album in years. Why? Because I'm lame (and I can download them off the internet). Is that stealing? Depends on who you ask, I guess. My point is, if I were growing up today I probably wouldn't have bought these albums and become such a huge fan of the bands. I wouldn't have this allegiance to these groups and their music, either. I would have just downloaded the songs from the radio I wanted to hear and would have missed out on the rest.

We live in an instant gratification society. We want everything at the snap of our fingers: our entertainment, our food, even our wars. And we want a pill for everything. We have pills to help us lose weight without exercising, pills to make us happy 24/7, pills to abort our babies and pills for "male enhancement." Okay, quick side-note here, anyone who really believes there are pills that will help with "male enhancement" is a moron. See, male enhancement is a shave and some manners, not a bigger crank (and no pill is actually going to do any good in that department anyway- that's just wishful thinking).

HOWEVER, if you're a dude and you're feeling a little, um, "underfunded," then just do what dudes have been doing for years and compensate for it. Here are some of the most tried-and-true methods of compensation: A) get into bodybuilding- get big arms, get big legs, people will automatically believe everything's big. B) drive an expensive sports car- with a snazzy car like that, you're the man now dog. C) start a world war- when you're responsible for millions of deaths, your size is not an issue. Or d) coach UNC's football team- resign yourself to a life of ridicule. But for crying out loud, don't spend your money on some pill that will only destroy your liver (the beer will do that well enough on its own).

Look at today's sports teams; there's no allegiance there, either. Players jump from team to team and owners cut players the moment they're no longer useful, regardless how much that player has done for the team. The work place isn't any better. CEOs lay off workers that have dedicated thirty plus years of their lives in order to secure bigger bonuses for themselves. Global allegiance is a thing of the past. We keep France from being a Berlin annex and they repay us with a middle finger when we need them. Canada and Mexico do the same thing. I don't care what your politics are, that's irrelevant. This is about allegiance. My best friend gets in a fight? Forget about it, I'm in, too. Whether he started the fight or not doesn't matter, the fact that he's about to get his arse handed to him does (and for anyone who has ever seen me fight knows that my friend is still going to get his arse handed to him, but at least he'll have company). It's all about allegiance.

I don't know where I'm going with this other than it's something to inspect. After all, you won't know if your fly's open if you never check. Whatever. That's a lame analogy. Sigh. Now I'm depressed. I think I'm going to put on a Morrissey album, pour a glass of cheap cabernet and brood. Or I could just take a pill and get happy. Hmmm, which will it be?

Stay safe and stay tuned…

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