"> ">

Wolfpacker's Perspective

Brewster's back with his weekly column "A Wolfpacker's Perspective." <P>

THE CHICAGO BEARS ARE NO LONGER the Chicago Bears. Not anymore, they were sold on Monday. They're now the Bank One Bears. Think I'm kidding? Did you see a "knock, knock" before my last sentence? The Chicago Bears are now "Bears football presented by Bank One." Catchy, huh? Rolls right off the tongue.

In an article on ESPN.com, Ted Phillips, the Bears' president and chief executive officer, told Knight-Ridder that the deal would bring "a new level of corporate partnership to the city of Chicago and the NFL.'' Translation: we just cashed a big fat paycheck (which Mr. Phillips can use to buy some Neosporine to treat the extensive rug burns on his and the other Bears executives' knees).

But why stop there? Why not apply this standard to all poorly run entities? California is in the middle of the worst economical crisis in state history, it's more than forty-one billion dollars in debt (yes, that's billion, with a "b"). Why doesn't California Governor Gray Davis make a call to Bank One and see if they'd be interested in purchasing the rights to the state? I'm sure Disney would be interested. We could have "A California Adventure" on every atlas and map in America. You don't get any better advertising than that. Sure the license plates would be hell, but man would it take the burden off the state legislature.

I'm from West Virginia; you don't think that place could use a quick fix? Maybe Budweiser or Jack Daniels would be interested in owning some nice mountainous terrain (which would only be fair considering how much of their product that West Virginians have purchased since it came into existence). Now that I think about it, WV has one of the richest men in the world as a senator, so why doesn't Jay Rockefeller just buy the darn state (not that he hasn't already, but this time he could actually put his name on it). It's not like West Virginia wouldn't sound like a lot ritzier place with Rockefeller in the name. And maybe, just maybe, West Virginia would be known for more than just hunting and incest.

I'M NOT SURE HOW MANY of you saw the Klitschko-Lewis fight, but once again boxing has shown itself to be shadier than an oak tree. Klitschko, a heavy underdog, was winning the championship fight when the bout was called due to a cut above his eye. Was Klitschko's eye bad? No. Michael Jackson is bad. This thing was obscene. Watching his corner work on the forty foot gash above his eye was one of the grossest things I've ever seen. It made afterbirth look downright frilly. It took sixty stitches to fix Klitschko's eye…that's not a cut, that's a shark bite. But my problem with the whole thing is that Klitschko's eye was cut in the second round, but the fight was stopped before the seventh. That means Klitschko continued to kick Lewis' out of shape butt for four more rounds, eye or no eye. If the referee wanted to stop the fight, he should have gone to Klitschko's corner and told them that they had one more round and then in all good conscience the ref would have to stop the fight. At least then the big Russian would have had a chance to put the exclamation point on the statement he had made throughout the fight. But boxing's a shady business and an undeserving champ was once again handed a victory (I wonder if Lewis feels like Evander did after Evander was awarded an undeserving draw after getting destroyed by Lewis a few years ago?).

Speaking of Evander Holyfield, he just signed on to fight some guy named James Toney. James Toney? That's not a fighter, that's a substitute teacher. Roy Jones, Jr. is a fighter. Who's going to pay to watch a Holyfield/Toney fight? Not to mention that Holyfield shouldn't be allowed to fight, anyway. I have a loaf of bread that could beat him at checkers; his brain is one stiff breeze away from not working entirely. So why does he continue to fight? It can't be for the money…or can it? I wonder if this is his wife's way of getting back at him for the dozens of illegitimate children he's fathered over the years. "Sure honey, I think it's a great idea for you to get back in the ring. You're only forty…James Toney? Who's James Toney?"

SO IT APPEARS THAT TODAY invitations will be extended to the University of Miami and Virginia Tech to join the ACC. I'm confused by this. It takes twelve teams to warrant a conference championship game which was why the ACC decided to expand in the first place. So now we settle for eleven? Well, I guess once Special K, Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski, endorsed challenging the NCAA rule of twelve teams instead of simply adding three to the conference, the ACC listened. "It's a rule; Moses didn't bring it down from the mountaintop. It's not etched in stone," he said (regarding the rule that a conference must have twelve teams to play a championship game). Now that we know the way Coach K feels about NCAA rules, it explains a lot about Duke basketball. I don't think a single Blue Devil committed a foul or traveled during the entire ACC tournament last season. Yes, I'm still bitter about that game and I will be for a long, long time.

Stay safe and stay tuned…

Pack Pride Top Stories