A Wolfpacker's Perspective

EVEN THOUGH I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA where lunacy is inhaled and idiocy is in the coffee, I continue to be amazed at what goes on in the world.

I read in the USA Today where a kid is suing a goal post maker because he was paralyzed when his fellow Ball State classmates toppled a goal post that came crashing down on him. Of course the initial thought that went through by head was what in the world are Ball State fans doing tearing down a goal post in the first place? I mean, c'mon, it's Ball State.

But I digress, this is about the kid. And what happened to him blows to the nth degree but what did this kid think was going to happen when he and a horde of other drunk and rowdy fans stormed the goal post? It was going to fall down. That was the purpose of rushing it in the first place. Remember Isaac Newton? The whole gravity thing? Did he think the goal post was going to fall up? So if you're going to tear a goal post DOWN it's going to come, well, down.

If you chug a bottle of tequila, guess what, you're going to get drunk. If you run the Naked Mile, guess what, you're going to be seen in your birthday suit (and most likely end up on the internet at www.scoopy.net, to boot). And if you storm the goal posts at a football game, they're going to come down. And if they happen to fall on your head in the process, that's your own fault. It's one of the perils of being a football fanatic (along with heartbreak, sun poisoning and beer goggles). Maybe the Wake Forest students are on to something, if you just ACT LIKE you're trying to bring down the goal posts no one will get hurt (those people at Wake really are smarter than me and you just like they say they are). Sure you may look like a clown, but you'll be a fully functioning clown. But to sue the goal post maker because it fell on you while you and your rowdy mates were vandalizing it is ludicrous. I bet the kid wins.

IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA, an industrial rock band called Hell On Earth is planning on having a man commit suicide on stage during one of their concerts. This act is to raise awareness on physician-assisted suicide, which is illegal in Florida. The suicide hopeful wants to use the event "as a platform to help make backstreet suicides a thing of the past." Okay, let's start at the top with this one.

This is a stunt by the band to gain some exposure, that's obvious. In the past this band has blended live rats onstage and performed other kooky antics to shock the crowd and create a buzz. But here's the skinny, a real band doesn't need to kill things (human or otherwise) to create a buzz. You know what a real band uses to do that? Talent. Think Thom Yorke would blend rats on a stage? Or the Kings Of Leon would share the stage with some sap who wants to ingest heap of carbon monoxide? No and no. Oh, and "industrial" is synonymous with "crap" when it comes to music, remember that. The aptly named Hell On Earth is what listening to their noise is; maybe they should rename themselves Fate Worse Than Death. And you know what? After a few songs, I bet a lot of people at the suicide show will envy the dead guy (and probably follow suit).

On to the suicide part of this. Now maybe I'm out of the loop, but what are backstreet suicides, anyway? And are they really that common? What, down one dark alley you have some seedy guy with a rusty coat-hanger and down another alley there's a guy with a bottle of sleeping pills and a glass of water? Are people really out there rendezvousing in the dark of the night deciding on the "whens" and "wheres" to kill themselves? I guess I've seen too many movies where desperate chaps just take a swan dive off the tallest building they can find.

And what's the big deal about the suicide being physician-assisted? How hard is it to commit suicide by yourself, anyway? Geez-louise. It's not like you're performing a triple bypass on yourself. Just go vertical not horizontal. There, problem solved. Or simply buy a gun, some bullets and thin the herd. Bada bing, bada boom. Why bring the American Medical Association into it? Physician assisted suicide seems like having a graduate assistant help you take your finals. It's cheating. There are some things you're supposed to do on your own. But hey, if I'm a physician and I do somehow get involved, I would demand some serious waivers be signed and my money paid up front. And if the patient somehow pulls a Lazarus and doesn't die, is that malpractice? Doctors just can't win, can they?

I LEARNED A FEW THINGS last Saturday during our game against UNC. First, I discovered that I'm a "glass is half full" kind of person. I always fancied myself a pessimist, but I was wrong (as always; I'm always wrong, nothing ever seems to go right). Even though our defense was as porous as the Scott-Peterson-satanic-cult-did-it defense, I never doubted if we would win the game. I also come into this week's game at Georgia Tech supremely confident that we will improve our record to 4-2.

After all, if the Yellow Jackets have to come from behind to beat Vanderbilt in overtime, they're not going to pin our third loss on us. Besides, Chan Gailey has some serious karma about to come thundering down on his head for not covering that stupid 7+ spread and blowing my five team parlay (for entertainment purposes only). Besides, there's a little payback for last year, too. And with Richard Washington back in the lineup, you can bet that our current 43+ points per game average won't be in jeopardy.

There's been a lot of chatter about how much yardage opponents have been piling up on our defense. True, teams have had some success moving the ball on us but that will be remedied this weekend when we face a true (but extremely talented) freshman quarterback in Reggie Ball. The last two quarterbacks we faced, Symons (of Texas Tech) and Durant (of UNC), were extremely savvy and experienced. Reggie Ball will eventually be a top-flight QB in this league, but this game is going to be one of those learning experiences for him. He'll run a lot but he'll also be tackling our defensive backs a lot, too, and that's not good for a quarterback.

ANOTHER THING I LEARNED from the UNC game is that Tar Heel defensive back, Dexter Reid, has absolutely no class. Watching Reid run into an unsuspecting cameraman (and breaking his nose) was one of the more reprehensible acts I've seen in a while on the football field. I even watched a replay of the event just to see if I wasn't overreacting, but the incident gets uglier and uglier every time I see it (courtesy of a savvy statefans poster who cryptically goes by "danmaninnc").

To give a quick recap for those who didn't see the incident, after an incomplete pass in the endzone, Dexter Reid ran into a cameraman knocking him to the ground. Sounds innocent enough, right? Until you realize that Reid did it intentionally and he broke the guy's nose. So what does Mr. Reid have to say for himself? Who knows? Well, UNC spokesman Steve Kirschner knows, and he was front and center to tow the party line.

"I talked to Dexter today and in no way, shape or form did he know that guy had broken his nose," Kirschner said. "He really felt bad about it when he found out the guy was injured." I'll bet ol' Dex was just devastated. He didn't even help the camera man up after his cheap shot then and won't issue a formal apology even now, but he feels really bad about it? Riiight.

This kind of attitude just makes my Dexter Reid highlight reel all the sweeter. Let's see, so far I have Greg Jones running over Reid. Then I have Philip Rivers running over Reid for a touchdown. Then I have Josh Brown running over Reid. Huh, for such a hard-hitter I've seen Reid get run over more times than David Harris. I guess leaving tread marks on Dex has almost become a rite of passage for ACC offenses. But somebody better keep an eye on Reid for the rest of the season, though. If he's lashing out now, just think when UNC's 0-6 or 0-7. Instead of unsuspecting cameramen, Reid may turn his sights to unsuspecting spokesmen or sideline reporters or vendors or handicapped children or seeing-eye dogs.

Okay, so maybe Dexter Reid was just venting his frustration about being on yet another 0-4 UNC football team. But that's no excuse. If Dexter Reid needs to find an acceptable alternative to relieve his frustrations, maybe a Hell On Earth concert is just what the doctor ordered.

My prediction for this Saturday: N.C. State 49, Georgia Tech 24.

Stay safe and stay tuned...


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