A Wolfpacker's Perspective

I WAS TALKING TO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, TIVO, about my favorite television shows. In case you don't know Tivo, you should get acquainted…and soon.

I WAS TALKING TO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, TIVO, about my favorite television shows. In case you don't know Tivo, you should get acquainted…and soon. Tivo is technically a hard-drive that connects to your TV and allows you to record any programs you wish, but Tivo is far more than that. Tivo is to television what DSL is to the internet. Or what Halle Berry is to prison shower scenes (you'll understand when her new movie "Gothika" comes out this November). There have been three major moments in my life to date: birth, tail-gating at my first N.C. State football game and buying a Tivo.

No more rushing home to watch certain shows or adjusting my schedule for this guy, that is a thing of the past now. Just last night I watched two episodes of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," the new episode of "South Park" and a documentary on killer ants (called "siafu" ants and man, are they nasty. There are twenty million of them per colony, all female and all blind. They kill anything in their path. When it's time to mate, some stupid male staggers along and they incapacitate him, take him hostage, steal his sperm and kill him. The siafu are very similar to the LPGA, now that I think about it).

With Tivo I can store whole seasons of shows, too. And because I also bought a dvd burner, I can burn everything onto a dvd and have my very own kickin' library. "The Sopranos," "Alias," "NYPD Blue," "The Shield," "24," "The Simpsons," "Passion Cove"… all of them will be mine. Thank you, Tivo. I never truly smiled until I met you.

Of course I'm going to have to deal with people calling for favors. But that's okay because my heart is as big as my mouth. See, I have recently begun to buy into the whole "karma thing"(it's the only way I can rationally explain my lame existence). SO, if I take the time to program my handy-dandy Tivo and dvd burner (which amounts to all of about nine seconds worth of work) and deliver tremendous amounts of joy to others, I figure it can only help me as far as the universe is concerned. And then maybe, just maybe, the freakin' Wolfpack will go a full game without a starter getting hurt.

I have to confess that some of the injuries we've suffered this season are my fault. I have to admit it feels kind of good to get this off my chest (which also scores me some major points with the ol' karma police). See, I ripped the tag off my mattress one morning and Sterling Hicks went down with a knee injury later that day. Then last week a vendor at the movies accidentally gave me an extra dollar back with my change and I kept it. So Richard Washington took it in the ribs. To start the season I told my girlfriend that I wasn't going to gamble. Well, I kind of went behind her back and bet ten dollars and Chris Colmer went out for the season. I don't expect forgiveness, people, but I am truly sorry about this (the universe is supposedly a sucker for apologies).

Oh, and the other fantastic feature about Tivo? There will be no more 9:00 AM kickoffs for me anymore (your noon games come with a continental breakfast out here). I will watch them post cornflakes from here on out. That is what friendship is all about.

I JUST READ THAT DAVE MATTHEWS has released a solo album. However, he has assured his fans that it's not an omen that The Dave Matthews Band's days are over. Whew. Dave Matthews touring with a bunch of studio musicians just can't hold a candle to…Dave Matthews…touring with…a bunch of…studio musicians. The only person that matters in the Dave Matthews Band is Dave Matthews. But just for fun, I would love to see the Band part of the Dave Matthews Band record a Dave Matthews Band album without Dave Matthews (it's not as confusing as it appears). Now that would be something. And it's not out of the realm of possibility, after all, the Supremes toured without Diane Ross and Black Sabbath toured with only Tony Iommi.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW COMMERCIAL drumming up publicity for the newly designed twenty dollar bill? Why do these exist? Does the federal treasury really think that we, the people, need to be sold on what color a twenty is? It could be neon green for all I care as long as I can use it to buy wings and nachos. This is the problem with government; they had to have spent at least a million dollars on that ad campaign. Don't you think that money could have possibly been spent a little wiser? That publicity money could have fed foodbanks for the entire city of Los Angeles' for a year, but instead they chose to hype up a peach Andrew Jackson. Your tax money hard at work.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN to those of you who choose to celebrate it. I don't and I'll tell you why…Satanists. The Satanists in my building are such a pain in the butt. Every day it's "I can't wait until Halloween" this and "you just wait until Halloween" that. Normally, I just have to worry about Satanists digging through my trash, but not on Halloween, oh no. I'll have Chinese doorbells and flaming poo to deal with. Whoop-dee-do. And I would be pro-active and do something about it, but I've decided to let karma deal with. After all, that's what karma's paid the big bucks to do.

Happy Halloween! Stay safe and stay tuned…


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