A Wolfpacker's Perspective

I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell. No, not because I went to see "The Women" last weekend (although if I do end up in hell, I have no doubt that movie will be playing on a loop in the background for eternity).

I did a bad thing. I recently had to hire a new manager and it came down to two distinctly different candidates (each with distinctly different strengths and weaknesses). One guy and one girl.

The guy, Baxter, has an impressive resume. The girl, Gigi, doesn't really have a resume but she is impressive in her own right and really seems willing to learn (I hold ambition in very high regard). Baxter is an honors graduate from UCLA. Gigi cheered at UCLA before taking some time off from school to travel around Europe with a mid-level, indie rock band (she's multi-cultural, I like that). Baxter has the white button down, tie and khakis combo down pat. Gigi tends to mix and match more unconventional attire like mini-skirts, cute little tops and leather boots (she thinks outside the box, that's strong). But the real deciding factor between Baxter and Gigi wasn't about resumes or who looks better in a tight halter-top. No, the deciding factor was…Baxter has a lazy eye.

There I said it. I didn't hire Baxter because he has a lazy eye. I'm not sure if that's grounds for a lawsuit but I don't care. I feel so freakin' uneasy around Baxter, I want to scream. I never know which eye to look at when I'm talking to him. Do I look in the good eye? If I do, it'll be obvious I'm ignoring the lazy eye. But if I look at his bad eye…I'M LOOKING AT HIS BAD EYE. And that's rude. And weird. So I end up looking at anything but Baxter the entire time I'm talking to him. Or I make up some mundane activity to appear like I'm preoccupied during our conversations. For example…

(Taking the pencils out of the pencil holder) "Why sure Baxter, I'd love to hear some marketing suggestions." (Arranging pencils back in the pencil holder) "That's a good idea. More? You have more suggestions? Great." (Moving the pencil holder to a much better spot on the other side of my desk) "Sounds like a plan. Write it up and get it to me. No I didn't see the Charger game. Really? Sure, tell me all about it..." (rearranging my entire desk top).

He would be my new manager. I can't spend eight hours a day, six days a week, constantly giving myself menial tasks because my manager has a creepy peeper. It's terrible but true. I'm a small, petty, shallow, soulless toad, I know. But it's also my company. So I hired Gigi. And the other day as she was showing me some of her old UCLA cheers, it hit me that I don't look Gigi in the eye when she's talking to me, either. Oh well. Like I said, I'm going to hell. But at least work is heavenly.


This Saturday, State plays ECU at the Carter. I love playing ECU. It's the only time we get to throw the redneck card at another school. UNC and other John-Stamos-cool schools like to refer to State as a "cow college" and it's true. We are country. But we're Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Jr, country. ECU is like… "Deliverance" country. They're the lazy eye of college football. Creepy, but relatively harmless.

Speaking of ECU, their top LB (Quentin Cotton) is injured and out for the season. This is a big blow to the #15 Pirates. Losing an impact player is huge. Now try losing NINE AND A HALF impact players and see what that's like.

I have no idea what needs to be done to lift the injury curse at N.C. State but at this point try anything. A burnt offering. A sacred safety dance. Anything. This season N.C. State has lost it's best tight end (and then the reserve promptly got hurt, too). Don't forget about the team's top returning playmaker in wide receiver Donald Bowens. State also lost its starting running back (and the top reserve). The most experienced offensive lineman went down last week with an ankle injury. Our best defensive tackle is out. Our best strong safety is out. The projected starting free safety is out. Our starting quarterback was out for a game and a half. Our mascot is now equipped with a boot. Criminy. We have enough injured players to start a softball team. I have no sympathy for ECU losing Cotton. Welcome to 1/9th of our nightmare.

On a quick (and sad) sidenote, just how easy is it to get into ECU? Their roster is like a "who's who" of players that either couldn't get into State/UNC or were kicked off State/UNC squads. Seriously, can you get an ECU degree online? How else can you explain star names like Brandon Setzer (N.C. State signee), Doug Palmer (N.C. State signee), Khalif Mitchell (UNC dismissal), and Marcus Hands (UNC signee) just to name a few all playing at ECU? Does Skip Holtz even recruit or does he just wait by the waiver wire?

Anyway, the point is this Saturday we're playing a 3-0 ECU team ranked #15 after big wins against top-10 WVU and top-20 Virginia Tech (and then a squeaker against Tulane). At the end of the season we're going to look back and see that those wins weren't nearly as impressive as they seemed. WVU and VPI will both barely be in the Top 25 at years end, if ranked at all.

But the good thing is, ECU is ranked No. 15 right now. I hope they enjoy it because they won't be come Sunday. We've learned how to deal with losing an impact player (again and again and again and again…), ECU hasn't. ECU was a fired-up underdog against West Virginia and Virginia Tech and won. They were expected to crush Tulane and barely eeked out a win. This Saturday ECU is again the favorite, only this time State is the fired-up underdog. The hunter is about to become the hunted. State wins this Saturday and only 50 ECU fans get tasered.


Speaking of tasered… Say what?!

I read this on Drudge Report. Tallahassee police tasered a naked man walking his dog. The man said that Allah told him to watch a Bruce Willis movie and take his dog for a stroll (not a joke). The police issued the following statement…

"He was obviously having some sort of emotional distress. It was unfortunate we had to use the Taser. … It was the only way we could subdue him without having to hurt him."

I hope we show the same leniency against ECU on Saturday.

Stay safe and stay tuned…

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