New Year's Wishes for the Irish

Every year some reporter somewhere writes a column that suggests New Year's Resolutions, offers thanks, makes wishes, or expresses hopes for the local sports teams and those involved in the local sports teams. I have resolutions and wishes for the Irish too, so here go mine in no particular order.

Duval Kumara – Competition and maturity help him to make the same gains Maurice Stovall made from his sophomore to junior year.

Jimmy Clausen – An interception total you can only count on the toes of your right foot and 37 touchdown passes. I'd wish you more, Jimmy, but I'm thinking that you need a statistical target as a senior.

Jonas Gray - A lot more meaningful carries. A lot more carries.

David Bruton – Thanks, David, and to you a good signing bonus.

Mike Anello – The good: A complete return to health and another year flying downfield. The bad: If you go on to other things thanks for making me have to find another favorite player.

Harrison Smith – A better nickname than Hayseed. I'd put a few suggestions here, but knowing how football locker rooms are I don't want you coming after me for the guys latching on to a suggestion I make that you'll hate.

Eric Maust – The same workout and stretching program used by David Buehler.

Ryan Burkhart and Brandon Walker – See Eric Maust.

Kyle McCarthy – Another year and seven INTs.

Robert Blanton – More muscle, more interceptions for scores, and more battles in practice with Golden Tate.

Raeshon McNeil, Sergio Brown, Gary Gray – See Blanton. Hey, the squeaky wheel gets oiled first.

Golden Tate – More TDs, more receptions, and more practice battles with Blanton. A few punt returns for six that aren't called back.

Coach Haywood – Success at Miami . P.S. My daughter goes there, so I'll be watching.

Pat Kuntz– The same motor in life's endeavors as you have on the field. Now I have to go find me another favorite lineman.

Kyle Rudolph – More muscle, Mike Ditka blocking skills, more receptions, and more TDs.

Armando Allen – Hit all those dozens of holes that all those internet chat coaches say you miss during the games.

Robert Hughes – See Armando Allen.

James Aldridge – See Robert Hughes.

The Offensive Line – I hope you all shun the rest of the world, that you eat raw meat, and that you feel anyone you play is trying to steal that meat from you. That you all hang together like buffaloes surrounded by wolves. That your opponents quake as they see you get off the bus or come onto the field. That you leave carnage and waste in your path running the ball down opponent's throats stripping them of their will, their manhood, …ah, you get the idea..

Eric Olsen - A healthy season for 2009.

Anyone Else Banged Up in 2008 But Played On – See Eric Olsen.

Coach Weis – Better health, a BCS Bowl, and a great recruiting year. PS – Should Charlie Junior get involved with Saturday JV games in high school I'm applying for his job and I promise to not suggest more than three plays a game. Please just don't go Parcells on me when I succumb to the temptation.

Coach Parmalee – A bunch of healthy tight ends for you.

Coach Tenuta – Not having to do any interviews.

Michael Floyd - More muscle and a healthy season. Talent will take care of the rest.

Ian Williams – An increase in tackles next year and a Trevor Laws-like effort and success.

David Grimes – That somehow that catch against Stanford be reinstated by the NCAA and that the bozo who ruled it no catch is never to be allowed any involvement with football ever again.

Front Seven– More sacks and increased fan appreciation of the effectiveness of pressure on the quarterback when no sacks occur.

Ethan Johnson – I'm looking at you to replace Pat Kuntz as my fave lineman. I'm sure you can handle the pressure.

The Linebackers – To have more tackles than the safeties.

Irish Fans – Twelve wins, one in a BCS Bowl. Dare I suggest a NC?

Fervent ESPN Watchers - The sudden disappearance of Mike Wilbon as a media personality, the return of John Saunders to Canada and Canadian television, and that obese guy, and we all know who that is, turns to sci-fi writing. For good measure Mike Lupica turns to the society page and/or gets beat up by a middle schooler.

The Notre Dame Football Team 2009 – I wish you fun and toughness. The fun you know about. The kind of toughness I wish you is that which makes you step on the opponent's neck and keep him down.

For you alarmists out there that's figuratively stepping on the neck. I don't want any emails.


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