"Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."

                                          -Murphy's Seventh Law 

"> "Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."

                                          -Murphy's Seventh Law 

">

Annual OSU Spring Football Quiz

<p align="center"><i><font size="2" face="Arial">"Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."</font></i></p> <p align="left"><font face="Arial"><i><font size="2">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;-Murphy's Seventh Law</font></i>&nbsp;<br> <br>


There has been a good deal of argument, especially this year, that Spring football doesn't really accomplish anything. Everyone's a little fatter from sitting around all winter, the team's numbers are a little thinner from "graduation" (or whatever it's called when our beloved players use up their eligibility) and there's no big game opponent for which to prepare a game plan. People in favor of punting Spring practices entirely say that nothing is solved in April that couldn't be solved in August, while the possibility for getting a star player injured is only increased with unnecessary football activity. These people are obviously just evil, uninhibited masochists who want as little football as possible. If you are one of these cretins who doesn't realize that every practice makes players better, then you get an automatic D on this year's quiz. Everyone else has a chance for glory. 

  1. People who don't think Spring practice accomplishes anything:
  1. Somehow forget the buzz created by a former walk-on named Terry Glenn in the Spring of 1995.
  2. Think that the OSU offensive line will stay in shape and improve technique by playing themselves on Playstation 2 three times a day.
  3. Are somehow unaware of the strides made this Spring by any OSU running backs named Maurice.
  4. Suck.

  1. Hellish nightmare scenario – the NCAA decides that only one position can practice Spring Football. Ohio State's coaching staff, forward thinking as they are, know that the obvious choice to practice is:
  1. Offensive line, though granted most of the OL in the Spring are walk-ons who won't see the field much.
  2. Quarterback, since the two scholarship guys in school have three starts combined.
  3. Kickers, since focusing on the biggest negative of the team is the key to improvement.
  4. Receivers, since focusing on the biggest positive of the team makes everyone happy.

  1. The aspect of Tyson Walter that the Buckeyes will miss the least is his: 
  1. Experience in having been on a Rose Bowl team.
  2. Experience in bringing litigation against fellow position players right before a bowl game.
  3. Experience in helping develop new medical terms, e.g. "mysterious staph infection"
  4. Experience of contributing to the team/family concept that is the jewel of Coach Tressel's mantra.
  5. Blocking.

 

  1. The quarterback that gives Ohio State the best chance of winning when he's on the field is:
  1. Craig Krenzel
  2. Scott McMullen
  3. Jim Otis
  4. Justin Zwick
  5. Troy Smith
  6. John Navarre

  1. Michael Jenkins, Chris Vance, Chris Gamble, Bam Childress, Drew Carter, Angelo Chattams, Roy Hall, and Santonio Holmes:
  1. Are potentially the deepest wide receiving corps in the Big Ten.
  2. Should make whoever is playing quarterback look better than he really is.
  3. Have too much class and character to be drafted by the Dallas Cowboys.
  4. Are a pretty good argument against someone only in favor of two-receiver sets.

 

  1. Speaking of America's Team, former Buckeyes Michael Wiley, Ken-yon Rambo, Joey Galloway, Tyson Walter, Derek Ross, and Jamar Martin are all Dallas Cowboys. Which was the most questionable acquisition for Jerry Jones to make?
  1. Walter – offensive lineman with an injury history and questionable character, but has the size to compete.
  2. Rambo – wide receiver whose brain is always in the "I-formation."
  3. Ross – multiple arrests overshadowed by prestigious OSU defensive back lineage.
  4. Martin – plays a selfless position effectively, but has no criminal record to fit in with the Cowboys historical team character concept.

  1. The 2002 Buckeyes look very strong on the front seven, but fairly inexperienced on the corners. Can a strong pass rush and rush defense adequately protect the two islands from being exposed?
  1. Yes, it's hard to complete passes when you're on your back.
  2. No, they're good for giving up at least two big plays a game.
  3. Yes, with two seniors at safety the difference will be their leadership.
  4. Yes, as bad as the Big Ten was last year, the conference will be even worse in 2003.
  1. The best reason for optimism about the 2002 season is:
  1. It's a nice warm-up for the 2003 national championship run.
  2. With so many average teams and no clear favorite, it's anyone's title to win.
  3. Wisconsin and Illinois are road games, so there's a good chance they'll actually win.
  4. There's no way the Bucks are going to lose to South Carolina in the Outback Bowl again.
 
  1. (Repeat question from last year's quiz) The kicking outlook for OSU this year:
  1. Hazy, with a chance of fakes.
  2. Cloudy, with scattered fourth down attempts.
  3. Perfectly executed pooch punts from the OSU 35-yard line.
  4. PAT = pass after touchdown.
 
  1. In the nineties, up until 1998, the Buckeyes played their Spring Game in Ohio Stadium. Five times in the nineties, those teams had double-digit wins at the end of the season. In 1999, 2000 and 2001 the Buckeyes did not play their Spring game in Ohio Stadium. Those three years gave provided lackluster records of 6-6, 8-4 and 7-5. Will the return of the Spring Game back to the Old Lady by the river have any impact on this disturbing trend?
  1. Obviously. It's the stadium, stupid.
  2. Obviously not. It was Bellisari, stupid.
  3. Obviously. It's part of the rebirth of the program, stupid.
  4. Obviously not. It's Tressel, stupid.
 

Answers will be released after game 14, hopefully a couple of days into 2003. 

Transferring the 2001 Michigan game tape to a new cassette at ramzy_bucknuts@yahoo.com 



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