Since his stunningly insightful comments were missing from
The Staff Crystal Ball session where Dave, Duane, Jerry, Kirk and Mr. B gave
their best guesses on the upcoming Buckeye football season, Ramzy decided to
have a crystal ball session of his own at his kitchen table.
Because the event was thrown together at the last minute, this roundtable
did not feature as esteemed a group of prognosticators as he had hoped.
Let's meet the panel of experts:
Ramzy – Bucknuts staff writer
South Side – the graveyard shift doorman at Ramzy's apartment building
Jose – just delivered extra large pizza to apartment
Jill – Ramzy's fiancée
Peanut – the cat
Record (including Bowl):
South Side: 7-7
Jose: Ocho y seises
Games OSU Will Lose
something you can say every year, but this year it's as true as ever – they
could win them all. The toughest
games are at home. Regardless of
the last two years, I will never accept Purdue and Illinois as anything more
than good MAC teams. It's in my
arrogant Big Two Miserable Eight blood. OSU
hasn't lost at Wisconsin in ages and paybacks are a bitch, unless it's OSU
playing a team from Michigan. I
think they'll choke on an early home game they should win, and then they'll
give away Purdue, Illinois and Michigan in tragic fashion.
South Side: I say they'll go seven and seven,
because that's my drink of choice. They'll
win every other game.
Jose: No sé mucho sobre
el Buckeyes, sino que los pienso perderé al Estado de Kent, al Estado del San
Jose, a Minnesota, a del noroeste, y Michigan.
They'll lose to the pride and joy of Illinois, the defending conference
champions, the Illini!
Well obviously, the Buckeyes will lose to my distant relatives, the Cougars of
Washington State and the Wildcats of Northwestern.
That Will Be More Difficult to Win than People Think and Why:
Penn State, just because they've been rolled every time they've come to
Columbus and we're used to it now. Michigan, even if their offense is going to be atrocious.
Purdue and Northwestern, because of the annoying brand of flag football
Do they play the White Sox? The White Sox will give them a game.
Jose: Serían muy
elegantes evitar de pasar por alto los Gopher poderosos de Minnesota. ¿Recuerde
Since they will lose to Illinois, I'll go with Michigan.
Two in a row? That will be
It would take an historic effort of magnaminous proportions to win all fourteen
games; so frankly, I'm going to say that every one of these battles is going
to be an epic struggle. Especially
with the depth at cornerback.
That Will Be Easier Than People Think and Why:
Washington State. The whole
cross-country thing. Barring a
terrific lightning storm and a uniform switch to USC, the Bucks should win.
Northwestern is terrible. I don't
care where they play the game. Buckeyes
Encuentro muy duro creer que el Buckeyes tendrá cualquier apuro el abrir de la
lata de a de crema del azote en Wisconsin.
Northwestern. The gig is up.
They're chumps. They
should quit football and start up a physics club for jocks.
Being a cat, and staying at home all day alone, I've been able to give this a
tremendous amount of thought. I'm going to go with Texas Tech.
You hear about their passing attack and their returning starters, but
honestly, I don't see that defense as being much more than a matador's
Because I think it's going to be running back by committee, I'll go with
Maurice Hall. Or Paul Konerko.
No tengo ninguna idea. ¿Craig Krenzel?
The guy that knocked his teeth out with a steak sandwich.
I was going to go with Bam Childress, because he's small like me – but I
didn't know about the steak sandwich thing.
That's awesome. I'll go with Vance too.
Mike Doss. I think he's already
Matt Wilhelm. Healthy.
Will Smith. Then NFL.
Tim Anderson. I like the wrestlers.
Not Named Will Smith Who Will Have a Huge Breakout Season and Why:
I'll go with Craig Krenzel. All he has to do is be average and he'll be the best
quarterback Ohio State has had since 1998.
I'd consider that a breakout.
This question sucks. Fine.
I'll say Bill Smith.
Pienso que para el final de Octubre, Maurice Clarett habrá emergido como el ir
al individuo en ofensa.
I'll agree with Ramzy. Decent
quarterback play would be considered a breakout.
It's too bad that he'll never be as good as Kurt Kittner or Jack
As someone with no hands, I'll go with Mike Nugent.
He will lead the special teams to glory on the strength of his field goal
Non-starter not named Chris Gamble or who is not a running back who will have a breakout season and why:
Bryce Bishop. He should meet the
high school hype this year.
Branden Joe. I like Ohio State
los pedazos están en el lugar para que el Dustin Fox sea un tapón en la
esquina. Toda lo que él necesita es una esposa caliente que está en la
televisión con frecuencia.
I didn't understand a word that Jose said except "Dustin Fox".
I agree with that, if that's what he said.
all crazy. Bobby Britton will have
you dusting off your old Gary Berry jerseys in celebration.
Back Who Will Have the Biggest Year and Why:
Freshman and Why:
D'Andrea. If not him, Hawk or
Carpenter. Because if not, we're
in trouble at LB.
EJ Underwood – they need someone to emerge at corner.
Eso es una pregunta resistente - pero iré con AJ Hawk. Sí, ha habido muchos,
muchos chumps para salir de Centerville, pero los pienso rompí el molde con
If he's eligible, Derek Morris. If not, D'Andrea. That
guy is big.
Tim Schafer. Wait, this was the
question we were all going to answer with the guy from Upper Arlington, right?
who not many people are talking about to keep an eye on because he might
surprise and have a big year and why:
Chris Gamble. I'm betting the
whole QB accuracy/reading defenses thing is going to be light years better than
it has been, and the 1A and 2 passing options will reap the fruits of that.
Shane Olivea, who was opening holes for Jonathan Wells and playing his best
football at the end of the season until his leg was snapped violently against
the demons to the north, the Chicago Cubs.
todo el hoopla que rodea Maurice Clarett, pienso a muchos en la gente me he
olvidado sobre la exhibición de que Lydell Ross puso encendido contra Indiana.
Él podría ser el hombre.
Are we almost done? The pizza is
getting cold. Robert Reynolds,
because he's good.
I'm torn between Branden Joe and Brandon Schnittker.
The fullback is going to get plenty of opportunity in this offense to
make big blocks that will certainly be fawned over by Brent Musburger.
of Biggest Concern and Why:
Playcalling. You cannot control OL
or CB depth, or how well Krenzel will adjust to playing regularly.
You can control overly conservative play calling.
If there are any injuries on the offensive line, then goodbye season.
Tenían mejor rogar que alguien o algo filtra hacia fuera en las esquinas.
Nickey y Doss no pueden cubrir cada uno.
Quarterback. It's where your team
begins and ends, lives and dies, wins and loses.
Making it through a long season. Two extra games is a lot to ask for, and the bye week is
right at the beginning.
of Least Concern and Why:
Ramzy: Defensive line and running back.
South Side: Defensive
Jose: Línea defensiva.
Punting, and team leadership from the punter position.
Will Play in a BCS Game if:
Krenzel and the offensive line are average and every other facet of the team
simply plays to its potential. I love the Big Ten, but this year's conference sucks,
period. Not a worldbeater in the
bunch. It won't take much –
aside from endurance – to win the conference.
If someone beats Michigan State, and if Ohio State finishes games the way they
didn't last year.
Jose: Debo comenzar
diciendo que pienso el BCS soy el manojo más grande de crap hoy en el mundo de
deportes. ¿Cómo estúpidos son los monos que funcionan esta cosa y que la
pellizcan cada año? El Buckeyes hará este farce de una serie del campeonato si
la ofensa juega con consistencia positiva y el backfield defensivo cubre sus
If Illinois somehow loses its grip on excellence, for the sake of my home life
I'd like to see Ohio State take the BCS birthright.
It all depends on play calling. It would be catastrophic to see Ohio State in position to win
the conference, only to have it ruined by lousy play calling in the clutch.
I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself if that ever happened
in my lifetime.
To Me, This Season Will Be Successful If:
The Buckeyes win the Big Ten, beat Michigan and win the Rose Bowl.
The Buckeyes need to go undefeated. Otherwise,
how is it any different from the last 34 years?
Jose: Con conferencia
relativa a este año, cualquier cosa menos de siete triunfos contra estos
equipos mediocres es una falta.
They just need to beat Michigan. Look how average they were last year, but because they beat
Michigan people act as if they were actually good. The damn pizza is freezing cold now.
Personally, I'll be happy if the overfed bastards don't go on strike.
We had a lot of fun discussing the upcoming season, and it
looks as though there were only a few areas where we all agreed with each other.
Feel free to talk about any of these subjects on the message boards, or
with your neighbors and pets.
Ramzy will forward
any messages to Peanut received at firstname.lastname@example.org