What they're saying & what I think

Thank Gore for the Internet.  Seriously – can you even imagine what it would be like to have rely on the Dispatch for daily OSU coverage?  The processed, pasteurized, barely exclusive Buckeye news that used to be the only alternative is now just additional reading (which costs $5 a month online) to the fresh, raw scoop and opinions that are ample in the land of electronic bliss.  If you've found this column, you're adept to the ways of Mother Web and are very likely in tune with what's going on in the world of Buckeye football.  I like to think I am – I am a displaced Buckeye fanatic who – aside from the actual games themselves – only finds scarlet and grey nourishment from Her luminescent breast. 

There are thousands of people like you and me, who get on the Internet and cannot wait to read the Bucknuts and all of the linked newspapers (all of whom publish essentially the exact same thing) and the O-Zone updates to make sure we know absolutely everything about the Beloveds. 

But in addition to the news, there's that one world on the Internet that separates the average fan from the addict.  Its (sic) wear (sic) bad grammar reign's (sic), where outrageous opinions are bountiful, redundancy is welcome, where terrorists allegedly exchange information, and where trash talk and threats are distributed freely like manna from heaven:  The Fan Forums.  It's so many things to so many people – where people tell the world what they think, where tickets are bought and sold, where those who are too damn lazy to look at tvguide.com ask what time the game is this weekend, where love and hate are exchanged like junk bonds – empty and worthless and from unknown entities that disappear shortly after they appear, be it from a board monitor or from scrolling off the bottom of the page into the abyss of lost posts.

I love fan forums.  I usually don't post on them, but I check them all out.  It's like people-watching when you're getting your license renewed – yeah, you'll see a couple of people who seem that they could be a lot like you, but by and large, you're frightened out of your mind.   After the gritty win over Wisconsin, I checked out a few of the Buckeye fan forums and have chosen a few of the many popular topics to comment on – and in no particular order:

  1. Donnie Nickey's game against Wisconsin?

Against Wisconsin, Donnie Nickey had a bad game.  He took bad angles of pursuit, ran like he had Rosie O'Donnell on his back, was out of position time and again, repeatedly tried to tackle Anthony Davis by the shoulder pads – basically an all-encompassing miserable game.  It happens.  But he's very important to the defensive backfield.  That's what I tell myself over and over again during games, and it keeps me from hurting myself too badly.  I do believe he is our best option at FS.  I'm just not ready to throw a freshman in at FS the way Nickey was thrown in 1999.  But to those people on message boards who think the people who spout about Nickey's play "can't possibly know what they're talking about since they're not coaches, and the coaches have to know what's best"…as I get off on a tangent here, I happen to think our government could use a lot of improvement, and I know I'm right, and I can prove it.  And – get this – I'm not even a congressman.  The whole "coaches know best" mantra is contradictory.  Coaches are hired and fired by non-football people.  Coaches played Steve Bellisari the last two years regardless of how poorly he continually played.  Coaches can be wrong.

  1. Mike Doss: Can you win the Thorpe without having to cover anyone?

Too small to be a linebacker in the NFL; still looks lost on passing plays.  Has big hits.  Is a terrific team leader.  Forget about the NFL, Thorpe Award, or his coverage skills.  What Mike Doss brings to this team from the neck up is a lot more valuable.  Of course, it would help a ton if he could read and react on the throwing plays a touch faster. 

  1. Michigan: Do we actually have to root for those clowns this weekend?

Reading from the revelation of St. John the Divine:   

And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale coach: and his pet that sat on him was Navarre, and Perry followed with him. And power was given unto them over the eighth game of the season, to beat Iowa, and with funded officials, and with horrendous special teams, and with the beasts of the earth.

The apocalypse is coming.  Yeah, we want them to beat Iowa.

  1. Notre Dame: Great?  Good?  Overrated? 

Great defense.  Good karma.  Overrated schedule – so far.  If they beat Florida State and USC and everyone else in between, that's good enough for me. 

  1. Burgess, Whitner, Crable – what's the matter with these Ohio kids?

It never ceases to amaze me when crazed football fans cannot believe that an 18-year old kid isn't making his college decision as fast as he'd like him to.  They'll go where they want to go and they'll tell you where when they feel like it.  Seriously, OSU is 8-0 and playing Penn State this weekend.   Personal opinion about recruiting, as a spectator sport – it's what makes the off-season slightly more tolerable.  I can wait until January to obsess about these guys – and the guys behind them – until they report as freshmen.  Then I can go back to following actual football again. 

  1. Wisconsin fans: Are they really complaining about OSU holding?!

Seriously – it's true.  On Badgermaniac's Camp Randall message board.  OSU was getting away with holding, all day.  Wisconsin fans, complaining that another team holds without getting it called.  Wisconsin.  The holdingest program in the history of holding.  The team that this year's Northwestern Wildcats are trying to emulate.  This is like Florida State complaining about another team getting free shoes (like Wisconsin!).  Or like the SEC complaining about another conference cheating.  Or like the PAC Ten complaining about teams that don't play any defense.  Wisconsin fans complaining about holding!   The punchline here…is that they're right.  OSU held often, including on Jenkins' clutch 3rd down catch in the fourth quarter and especially on Krenzel's rollout and throw from the end zone, which if called would have been a safety.  But they were not the only ones holding.  Holding, it seems, gets called indiscriminately and totally at random in the Big Ten.  It's kind of like airport security.  You don't want to believe that it's just there for show…but you don't necessarily trust the people running it whatsoever.  Ask Will Smith or Darrion Scott about holding not getting called sometime.

  1. Penn State fans: Crybabies, paranoid, and good?

The JoePa national whining campaign and letter were a little over the top.  But apparently three of the refs in their Michigan game were from Michigan.  Personally, I don't even like the idea of Ohioans refereeing OSU games – come on – there are 48 other states to find some zebras. And these Michigan refs are the same clowns who called 13 penalties on OSU in 1999, and only one on Michigan.  That's all I needed to know about these guys – then again, I'm certifiably paranoid.  Penn State is good?  Yeah.  Hopefully everyone who actually gets to play Penn State this weekend has a memory as short as mine. 

  1. The BCS: Are the Buckeyes going to get the shaft?

Would there be a greater honor in college football than being the undefeated martyr that puts the BCS on its computer-generated ear?  Yeah, it would be called "2002 National Champions".  But that's some brazen talk for OCTOBER.  Relax and enjoy the season – January always comes too soon. 

  1. Krenzel: Yeah, remind me why he didn't play last year?

Can't help you.  He's Germaine-like.  We're back to a quarterback who is everything but a liability.  His predecessor was a two-time captain, and he is not.  He makes great decisions, runs well, and doesn't fumble regularly.  I don't understand why it took a felony to get him on the field.  Maybe that's because "I'm not a coach".  

  1. Clarett: What is up with this One and Done crap?

It is crap.  But it sells magazines.  Mo C will be around for a while and he knows it.

Four years at Bucknuts and ramzy_bucknuts@yahoo.com is still not going pro!


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