Now that we've reached the halfway point in the season, it's time to see if you've been paying attention. The following twelve question examination (with one bonus extra point question) will enable you to better gauge your knowledge and how it compares to that of your peers.
Remember, keep your eyes on your own monitor. When you're ready, you may begin.
1. Instead of using a punter, Bill Snyder has been experimenting with …
a. Using an English professor
b. Using a cheerleader
c. Using a pumpkin
d. Putting no one back to punt
2. Dennis Franchione is making Texas A&M students, fans and faculty…
a. Wish it were baseball season
b. Wish they still had R.C.
c. Wish for a miracle
d. All of the above
3. The concept of ‘defensive football' to Mike Leach is like…
a. Oil to water
b. Acids to alkalines
c. Pain to Pleasure
d. All of the above
4. "Rome wasn't built in a day" was most recently said by…
a. Mark Mangino
b. Bill Callahan
c. Tyrone Willingham
d. Dave Wannstadt
e. All of the above
5. Five-Star restaurants in Austin offer…
c. Barbequed escargot
d. Chicken-fried lobster with cream gravy
e. Three-meat corndog platters
f. All of the above
6. The Oklahoma State offense in 2005 is reminiscent of…
a. A high school junior varsity team
b. A Montessori school football team
c. A Chinese fire drill
d. All of the above
7. Prolonged exposure to taped replays of the Oklahoma – Texas game could lead to…
a. Motion sickness
b. Nausea and vomiting
c. Migraine headaches
d. All of the above
8. Oklahoma's most effective pass play in 2005 has been…
a. The screen pass
b. The out-pattern pass
c. The long bomb
d. A pass interference penalty on the opposing defense
9. Which of the following does NOT belong in this grouping…
a. A butternut squash
b. An apricot
c. An Idaho potato
d. Bill Callahan
10. Kansas could possibly win the Big 12 North before …
d. Not in my lifetime
11. Colorado has voluntarily eliminated the following from its recruiting routine…
a. Hiring hookers
b. Hiring go-betweens to hire hookers
c. Withholding salient evidence from investigating bodies
d. Considering female place kickers
e. All of the above
12. If Mack Brown didn't have Vince Young playing for him his record so far this season would be…
College Football Extra Credit Question
13. Where will Dave Wannstadt be employed by 2008?
a. Still head coach, Pittsburgh
b. Assistant coach, NFL
c. Toll booth operator on the Pennsylvania Turnpike
d. Funnel cake carney at the state fair
Answers: 1-d 2-d 3-d 4-d 5-f 6-a 7-d 8-d 9-b 10-d 11-d 12-b 13-b
How to rate your score:
13 correct… ….…..Athletic Director
9 - 12 correct………….Head Coach
6 – 8 correct…..……...Assistant Coach
4 – 7 correct……...…..Player Assistant
2 – 3 correct…..….…..Dave Wannstadt
1 correct……….…Craftsman Power Tool
Saturday, October 22nd
Tennessee at Alabama (-3) The reemergence of the Tide is one of the truly inspirational stories of 2005. It's all the more impressive because ‘Bama has done it all with a strong defense, stout offensive line, super quarterbacking and run-of-the-mill coaching. Tennessee's Fulmer has ventured out on the road with his team three times thus far this season and has lost two of those outings. Still, although Phil may look more like the guy who comes to fix your refrigerator than the head coach of a major college football team, we'll have to take the Vols over Croyle & Co.
Tennessee by 6
Auburn at LSU (-6 ½) After an opening game loss to Georgia Tech in Jordan-Hare Stadium, it looks like Tommy Tubberville has turned back into a pumpkin. Auburn's fans must become accustomed to getting back into the mediocrity groove. Since that loss the Tigers' have dealt with such behemoths as Mississippi State, Ball State and Western Kentucky before hitting the road for the first time last weekend when Auburn stuck their traveling toe in the water at Arkansas, where they bested a suicidal Houston Nutt 34-17. LSU, led by the comedy team of Miles-Pelini (catch ‘em while you can, folks, this engagement won't last forever!), should be up to the task this weekend.
LSU by 7
Kansas at Colorado (-15) Rumor has it that Barnett imposed Draconian measures on his team after the latest humiliation in Austin. The Buffs were required to be in bed with lights out no later than 2:30 a.m. the entire week and the starting lineup was denied anything stronger to drink than 3.2 beer. However, we can't conceive of any amount of alcohol abuse that could prevent Colorado from rolling over the toothless Jays this Saturday.
Beefaloes by 28
Georgia Tech at Miami (-16 ½) Georgia Tech was having a great year until they attended that party at Virginia Tech. Since then, they seem to have developed a glass jaw, losing to NC State in Atlanta and then edging Duke, 35-10. Even though there's a significant difference between the Miami of Jimmy Johnson and Butch Davis and the Miami of Larry Coker, this Hurricane team will provide the Wreck with it's third loss in '05.
Tropical Storm by 20
Penn State (-16 ½) at Illinois While looking for a tactful way to express my opinion of Illinois football capabilities, I came up with the idea of using an applicable historic footnote: ‘In 1945, Army was coming off of a national championship year and still enjoyed the talents of Doc Blanchard and Glenn Davis. On October 6th, they were scheduled to play a young Wake Forest team who had not played well that season. Much like Illinois in their game with Penn State this coming weekend, no one gave Wake Forest any chance at all of pulling the upset. But on that Saturday afternoon, the Demon Deacons fought like their name would imply. Players who hadn't been performing well had career days as Wake, motivated by an emotional pre-game locker room speech by coach D.C. Walker, left it all on the field. Illinois is quite capable of playing Penn State as closely as Wake played Army on that chilly October afternoon in New York State.'
Final score that day? Army 54, Wake Forest 0.
Nittany Lions by 30
Michigan at Iowa (-2 ½) Interesting trend here. Michigan has neither won nor lost two games in a row this year. Their record so far looks like this ‘W-L-W-L-W-L-W'. So, Carr gets low grades for consistency. Iowa, on the other hand, has taken time over the past three weeks to enjoy a ‘Purdue Danish.' What, you may very well ask, is a ‘Purdue Danish?' It's playing Purdue on October 8 sandwiched in between a couple of cream puffs (Indiana and Illinois) on October 1st and 15th. So, according to the trend, it's Michigan's turn to lose again. And besides, Kirk is a much better coach than Lloyd.
Iowa by 7
Oklahoma State at Iowa State (-14 ½) My Oklahoma State friends have assured me that the last three games have been flukes and that the Cowboys are fired up and ready to emerge from their slump this coming weekend against Iowa State. This game, they promise, will be much closer than most expect.
‘Clones by 21
Texas A&M (-4) at Kansas State There's a rumor going around Manhattan that aliens have abducted the real Bill Snyder and have replaced him with an android, incapable of flexible thought or facial expression. Sounds to me like they've managed to duplicate the real Bill Snyder to a ‘T'.
Aggies by 9
Nebraska at Missouri (-2 ½) Since I'm momentarily out of Bill Callahan jokes, I'll play this one straight. Nebraska, while unimaginative and ineffective on offense for the better part of '05, is at least consistent. And unlike Missouri, the Huskers do have some semblance of a defense. Toss in the motivational factor that the Tigers stole one from NU on this field two years ago and you have the recipe for a close game. The success of Missouri frosh QB Chase Daniel in last week's overtime victory could be a mixed blessing for Pinkel. If Brad Smith begins his slapstick routine featuring non-contact fumbles and pin-point accurate passes to Nebraska defensive backs, Missouri fans could be clamoring for Daniel by the second quarter.
Nebraska by 6
BYU at Notre Dame (-19) Charlie Weis will waste no time getting the Irish back on the right track after last weekend's heart-breaking loss to USC. And he'll make sure they remember the spanking they took last year in Provo.
ND by 35
Texas Tech at Texas (-15 ½) Even though the pressure of playing Ohio State and Oklahoma has passed, the real pressure of winning and winning impressively every week will now come to rest on Mack's shoulders. The BCS is out and things don't look too good for our slow-witted friends in Austin. Their two biggest victories (over the aforementioned Buckeyes and Sooners) continue to damage their rating with each loss these two teams incur. So, Mack, you'll have to qualify for a BCS game on the field this year, not on the telephone.
Texas by 7
Baylor at Oklahoma (-14) Baylor…playing in Norman…getting only 14? Sounds like 1975 all over again, doesn't it? In 1975, Grant Teaff led Baylor to respectability, just as Guy Morriss has been striving to do this year. It has been said that Oklahoma is young, that they've been hurt by defections from the '03 recruiting class, that they've lost too much talent to graduation, and that they've lost confidence over the past seven games, ranging back to last January. To these assertions I say yes, yes, yes, and absolutely. This game will probably look much like the OU – Kansas State game played three weekends ago. But if it doesn't go well for the Sooners, I'm considering a charter membership in the rapidly growing ‘Chuck Chuck' club.
OU by 24
Wann Smith has served two years as national columnist for the Pigskin Post, contributed to the College Football News (a contributor to Fox Sports and the Sporting News) and is currently the editor of the College Football Gazette. Smith lives in St. Louis with his family.
Click the link below to visit his website...
College Football Gazette
You can also contact Wann Smith at firstname.lastname@example.org
Smith's Picks: Week Eight
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