O-State Cruises, Easy Victory Over Sac State

IT HAS COME to the attention of your Dear Leader that erroneous sports reports regarding Oregon State have been published. As a public service, Your Dear Leader will publish game recaps so that you, Beaver Nation, may find Honest Beaver the only accurate place to read about OSU Beaver football. You are welcome.

The Beavers overcome comfortable start, to cruise to comfortable victory over upstart Sacramento State Hornets on Saturday. Proving that Pac 10 referees are still employed by new league "Pac 12" and Tom Hansen is puppet master with his hand up Larry Scott's shirt, several penalties were administered in effort to make game appear close.

Laughable Defensive Pass Interference and non-call on offensive push off and not even landing in bounds was not enough to slow triumphant Beavers. Ryan Katz was efficient 90% completion ratio in first half and was given a seat in hot tub with bikini-clad women to watch second half from comfort Dear Leader's hidden liar, Reser Stadium's most luxurious box. Backup Cody Vaz reportedly graciously offered back up back up Sean Mannion chance to play third and fourth quarters so Cody could take a nap.

Mannion demonstrated razor sharp passing and Olympic level running skills, averaging 13.0 yards per carry and completing long pass of 69 yards to Markus Wheaton, and Beaver Nation was very proud of backup backup QB, but there will be no quarterback controversy.

New Oregon State running back sensation Malcolm Agnew dazzled with nation-leading 223 yard game after accepting Mantle of Greatness from NFL future Pro Bowl and then Hall of Fame running back Jacquizz Rodgers. Agnew could have easily run for 300 yards but chose to jog out of bounds and prevent several 80+ yard runs which would embarrass visiting Hornets.

True freshman kicker Trevor Romaine kicked 59 yard FG and 39 yard FG in regulation, both on first down decision by Coach Mike Riley made to avoid running up score, and then followed up by kicking 27 yard game winner blindfolded for extra drama. Several other freshmen had dazzling debuts and Oregon State poised for yet another national championship run.

After game Coach Mike Riley interviewed and asked if he heard whether or not Wisconsin was afraid of Mighty Oregon State Beavers. With twinkles in his eyes, gracious Riley reply: "I told them not to worry, we would take it easy on them."

Truth always found here, nowhere else. Follow your favorite friendly Iron-fisted Dictator on Twitter: @DearLeader_Beav

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    Chad Luther and Kevin Stuck grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.

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