Yesterday, Eminent Conference Commissioner and genius Larry Scott play a round of golf with DearLeader at Trusting Tree after brunch in secret Hidden Lair. DearLeader only shot 5 holes in one on so-so day but that is beside point. Scott ask for DearLeader advice on conference expansion, and DearLeader give blessing expansion plan to add Texas and Oklahoma states of football to already most prestigious conference in country.
Oklahoma and Oklahoma State will join and form Pac-14 for next season but Larry Scott jedi-mindtrick into moving out of tornado country and to absorb campuses into Pullman and Corvallis. Washington State Sooners will enjoy Bob Stoops joining coaching staff and nobody have to change colors so added bonus there and NCAA approve plan. Paul Wulff express some displeasure but DearLeader work it out with him so no problem there, guy.
Oklahoma State also happy that they keep colors and Mike Gundy say with respect and fear, "I'm a MAN and ON BOARD with this decision." T.Boone beam with pleasure at being permitted to join your DearLeader in opulent lair and declare that his mission is to outshine Phil Knight to become second most powerful booster in all of college football (behind DearLeader). Oklahoma State say they always wanted to be Beavers anyway.
Texas and Texas Tech also want to come join party so DearLeader give his blessing to creation of Pac-16. Look for impending announcement that Longhorn Network to be renamed Glorious Beaver Channel in tribute to greatest football program in history of NCAA. Commissioner Scott say he is quite impressed with bravery Longhorns and Pirates from Texas show by joining conference dominated by Fearsome Beavers, unlike Michigan Wolverettes which decline invitation in fear at mere suggestion of joining conference with Beavers.
Commissioner Scott inform rest of conference about changes, no objections except from Lane Kiffin who DearLeader is pretty sure was dropped on head by Monte Kiffin as baby. Also Commissioner Scott did not call Rick Neuheisel because he is out of job pretty soon anyway. As Scott said on third hole, "that's pretty much like telling a person with 2 weeks to live about plans for big Thanksgiving dinner."
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Truth always here, nowhere else. Chad Luther and Mr. Anonymous grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.