NEW TRUTHFUL: Glorious Beavers Move to 3-0

HELLO BEAVER NATION and you are welcome for your DearLeader's honest weekly game recap. Another glorious victory over hapless UCLA move victorious Beavers to 3-0 and there is much to rejoice for in Land of Beaver. DearLeader would like to remind you that there are often erroneous and false reports circulating regarding your Beavers, but nothing but truth here always.

Beginning with the beginning, it was clear that game belonged to Oregon State as quarterback Sean Mannion orchestrate masterful 17 play, 82 yard drive for score. Reser Stadium thunder with joy upon first catch by celebrated James Rodgers who wears No. 1 in honor of Heisman-winning RB brother Quizz who now quickly on his way to NFL rookie of year and MVP in NFL for Super Bowl bound Atlanta Super Hawks.

Coach Mike Riley take pity on beleaguered UCLA and Coach Rick Neuheisel who has pants on fire because of seat, and instruct Anthony Watkins to allow long pass reception on Bruins first possession in order to allow UCLA coach to save face and job for another week. Neuheisel bow graciously at such display of sportsmanship and then told that gifts were over, as UCLA QB Richard Brehaut limited to just 146 yards on day.

Beavers offense was productive as usual, with freshman Mannion throwing for just under 300 yards in red zone and backup running back Jovan Stevenson average nearly eyeful 7 yards per carry. Stevenson have excellent day in replacing freshman sensation Malcolm Agnew who rest hamstrings in anticipation of running for 26,000 yards and two holes in one against ASU Sun Devils this Saturday.

Entertaining moment in game when Mannion fumble ball to create space downfield for James Rodgers in pursuit of career records for Beavers for 98 yard completion. After game Danny Langsdorf lauded as genius for fumblerooski plan by all commentaries. Not since pyramid has game seen such innovation.

On special teams Bruins get more chippy so Coach Bruce Read tell scamp Johnny Hekker not to boot any punts for negative yardage this week. And just to make point Beavers block 2 kicks and Jovan Stevenson strike punter with much force so Jordan Poyer can return Bruin punt for touchdown right before half time. Poor UCLA punter Jeff Locker reportedly ask "who dat, who dere?" after regaining senses and ask if anybody get license number from DMV truck that run him over.

Beaver Great Rodgers finish with 5 catches and rush 1 time on dazzling fly sweep before retiring to comfort of Secret Lair. DearLeader graciously absent, out peopling as all great dictator should do to remind loyal fans that DearLeader is one of them, except richer, smarter, and better looking. But basically all is same. Except different.

After game UCLA DE Owamagbe Odighizuwa stand on field with tear in his eyes, saying he finally realize dream of playing in hallowed Reser Stadium but wish that it could be in orange and black. Coach Riley smile warmly and tell Owa that he wish he could have found scholarship for him, as he is almost good enough to be victorious Beaver player. "But we can't have everybody who wants to be a Beaver on the team, other teams need player too," he says to comfort Owa.

DearLeader also learn that No. 1 MLB prospect in land, Thad Castle of Connecticut, plead for Beaver offer. Prep All-DMZ Castle play No. 1 team in land last week, notch 23 tackles, 3 sacks and 2 INT before being ejection in third quarter for calling ref bad word. Anonymous Source say "Vontaze Burfict beware, there will be new Sheriff in town next year," and to expect Castle to start as true freshman for Beavers if Glorious Coach Riley decide to grant him his wish of Beaver offer.

Follow @DearLeader_Beav on twitter for glorious insights and truths and you may email DearLeader with your tributes You are welcome.

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    Chad Luther and Mr. Anonymous grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.

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