Big party in the Dear Leader Secret Reser Lair in first half, BFF Larry Scott mixing up kamikaze. DearLeader spy Stoops jumping up and down and decide generously that Tucson Lair to be built, and maybe even loan Coach Riley to Arizona on bye weeks if no more Stoops spittle all over field. Somebody repeat to AD Byrne and, whoopsy. Next thing you know, Coach Stoops on fired.
DearLeader would like to say that it seem like a little bit extreme for Coach Stoops to be on fired, but sometime that is the way the cookie crackles.
In game, Beaver defense face a stern test with country's second best quarterback Nick Foles running offense for Arizona University. Foles tutors Peyton Manning and Tom Brady during offseason, so Coach Banker and Coach Heyward knew they would need best quality defense ready. Right away Wildcats drive into Beaver Territory before defense rise up and force field goal attempt which was actually blocked by yawning Clayton York, not a kick miss as erroneous statements show. Remember, only truth here.
Mannion lead impressive aerial display to answer, highlight was 25 yard pass out of own end zone to Jordan Bishop as Beavers go flying punch in other end zone. Wildcats immediately shut down and forced to punt, which was blocked by studying Clayton York and returned for touchdown. But drama unfold as Wildcats roar back and Foles show why he is second best QB in country with perfect fingertip reception to Bill Buckner. Lee Corso say from Lair hot tub, "you can't defend the perfect pass, Kirk."
But extra point attempt was blocked wide left by now bored Clayton York and that pretty much take steam out of balloon for Wildcats. Larry Scott impression of York while shouting "I'm the JUGGERNAUT, BLEEP" was big hit in Lair.
Besides super terrific Clayton York, other player of game safety Lance Mitchell, who recover fumble, grab leaping interception and receive pass from rascal Johnny Hekker. That play actually supposed to be rugby punt as Coach Riley call, but prankster Coach Bruce Read tell everybody favorite scamp punter to pretend to rugby punt and throw the ball to Mitchell instead.
You never know what crazy Hekker going to do, so much belove that ESPN Ted Miller starting new religion where followers call selves Hekkerites.
Game pretty much over at halftime so DearLeader hand kamikaze to Fire Marshall Bob DeCarolis and head up to playcalling booth. DearLeader start calling joke plays during 3rd quarter. Jig was up with playcall, "throw football to Chainsaw Man" and Arizona have pick 6. Coach Langsdorf figure out that football game was back on and ask for headsets back to which Dear Leader agrees. Langsdorf is welcome.
Funny moment when Adam Hall decide to perform bongo solo on referee shoulder after Flyin' Hawaiian Joe Halahuni tell him he is terrible musician. Joke was on Hall when zebra unimpressed, but announcers misunderstand true meaning of flag, for having no sense of rhythm and being insult to musician everywhere.
After game, Mitchell notice that he lose a vertebrae during game, win player of week despite. No problem, Michael Philipp agree to grow him new one. Coach Riley smile and chuckle.
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DEAR LEADER HONEST BEAVER NEWS EXTRAS DOWNLOADS ARE TERRIFIC AND SUPER.
Truth always here, nowhere else.
Chad Luther and Mr. Anonymous grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.