Mighty Beavers Curb University of BYU Cougars

IT IS TIME again for your DearLeader weekly dosage of truthful glorious recap. Once again DearLeader remind you not to read untrustworthy reports from inaccurate sources for they contain many inaccuracies. Come here only.

The DearLeader staff still cleaning up the Secret Lair from Mitt Romney visit, woo do that guy like Jello shots. But DearLeader regress, point is that Oregon State is through first half of Utah economic stimulation program after notching victorious contest against BYU Cougars.

State of Utah down on luck economics so DearLeader give blessing to play two programs from state, Utah Elder President note say "It is miracle". You're welcome guy, but DearLeader not here to toot own horns, this recap about Valiant Conquering Heros Beavers.

Sean Mannion have another spectacular day and throw for yet another 300 yard game en route to rewritings of Oregon State record books, highlighted by fabulous freshman Brandin Cooks 59-yard touchdown. Mannion also rush for another touchdown but just another day at office for humble Mannion, who note that he only complete 70 percent of passes – kind of off day.

Beaver Defense once again show up to play, only allowing BYU QB Riley Nelson to complete 17 passes. Nelson amazing quarterback on run, like Usain Bolt with helmet on, but Scott Crichton and company were thankful for opportunity to play a worthy opponent who can challenge their speed and stop throwing ball away before they can tackle into pulverize.

BYU threaten in first half to make game of it, so Jordan "Lethal Weapon" Poyer step in and take interception 51 yards to house.

Poyer have spectacular day, breaking up passes, with pick-6, kick-off returns, and punt returns. DearLeader not sure, but having DNA tests done to find out if Poyer is in fact DearLeader long lost relation.

Beaver rushing attack was boosted by return of Malcolm Agnew, who average a respectable 4.9 yards per carry after receiving hamstring transplant from Big Mike Philipp. Agnew decide to pay good deed forward and instead of scoring touchdown, intentionally fumble football forward to BYU defense so they feel less demoralization. Agnew is classy guy.

At first it appear that scamp prankster Johnny Hekker, who have best hair ever, have quiet day, but it come out later that Hekker hide one of kicker Trevor Romaine giant diamond earrings, which make Romaine lopsided and inconceivably miss a couple kicks under 80 yards.

Romaine respond by terrorizing BYU special teams and officials, wow that guy got a temper on him. Romaine one man wrecking crew, singlehandedly responsible for 4 of 10 BYU injuries by himself.

In second half Feti Unga take a breather, everybody think that Tony Wilson go in at middle linebacker but it was actually Romaine, turn out that Bruce Read told him BYU player sneak in and take his earring. Next week Romaine starting at DT to fill in for injured Castro Masaniai.

Coach Riley shake head and chuckle, say "I wish I could have 11 Trevor Romaines on defense. He is new improved Vonteze Burfict".

One thing to note, DearLeader hear that someone key Jordan Poyer car, that misconception need to be clear up: Mitt Jello Shot Romney went out for spin in Segway after the game and while yelling "woo I love Jello" he accidentally sideswipe Jordan car. Not a bad Beaver fan who need to be strung up and publicly shamed at all. As a result, DearLeader looked into having Jordan's car gold plated but NCAA give frown face. DearLeader may just buy NCAA and make new without silly rules.

Follow @DearLeader_Beav on twitter for glorious insights and truths and you may email DearLeader with your tributes atdearleaderbeav@gmail.com. You are welcome.


  • Kick, reception, tackle.

  • Click here for mighty flyer.

    Truth always here, nowhere else.

    Chad Luther and Mr. Anonymous grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.

  • BeaverBlitz Top Stories