New Truthful: Glorious Beavers Chasing Roses

YEEHAW BUCKAROO BEAVER fans, what you think about that game? Me too. Time for super duper fun time, the truthful DearLeader recap of Oregon State Beaver victorious trip to Seattle for contest against resurgent Pac-12 Power Washington State. Remember, DearLeader only place you can turn for honest truth.

DearLeader would like to offer little help to national and local media, who for some reason all week long refer to Beavers as the I-5 Beavers. Understandable that not everyone familiar with Oregon geography, but while exit for Corvegas is off I-5, OSU campus is actually 20 miles away from the interstate. You are welcome for free geography lesson, DearLeader expect that this should solve confusion and consider issue now closed.

For time this season Beaver game feature ESPN GameDay, setting new record for consecutive appearances. Game was sellout, but if watch on TV lots of empty seats because Cougar fans looking for Qwest Field couldn't find stadium. DearLeader have nothing to do with that, honest. Figure it was probably bad omen for Wazzup when crazy flag waver guy poke himself in eye with flagpole, but don't worry he ok said he'll be back to wave next week for Utah game.

To nobody surprise, Lee Corso put on Beaver mascot head and dance around like crazy man pants on fire, but Beavers all about business and nobody forget that Wazzup formidable opponent who come in averaging nearly 5,000 yards of offense and feature Vonteze Burfict Lite linebacker who like to tackle Beaver Hero Players 42 yard out of bounds and then cheer about it in paper next year.

Unfortunate however, C.J. Mizell not expect for reporter to actually publish bragging. During first quarter DearLeader staff reporter Barbara Curtin stop knitting Cougar players scarves (she super nice lady) and head to Cougar locker room, find out that CJ enter WITSEC. DearLeader figure he probably in Albuquerque about now. Cougar QB Jeff Tuel ride Greyhound Bus back to Pullmanville at halftime nursing sore clerical bone after monster hit from Tony Wilson who Riley clear to use up to 50 percent power for the game. Tuel buy own bus ticket to make sure Coach McRulff not put him back in game, say that Mizell have some splaining to do for getting him mix up in newspaper interview, similar to Darron Thomas just in wrong place at wrong time.

Back to game recap of truth. Beavers scoring on first drive as Sean Mannion lead Beavers into end zone with pass to RB Jordan Jenkins as bionic man Malcolm Agnew take quick breather. Cougars powerful offense come right back and answer with big TD pass to Marquess Wilson who turn down first round draft pick and millions of dollars to play another year for Coach McRulff the Crime Dog.

Side note, DearLeader really like that McRulff guy, he intense. Pretty much best part of the game was when McRulff run onto field wearing nothing on big mug except Transition lens glasses and make spectacular tackle and tell Cougar defense now that how you make a tackle.

Beavers answer with Kiss The Sky TD pass to Brandin Cooks - little known fact that Brandin Cooks is actually secret Jared Cunningham in disguise. Only reason Cooks/Cunningham not compete in track and blow doors off fellow tracksters in high jump and in 100M dash is that he trying to keep identity secret. Now you know truth, and you are welcome.

Cougars come right back down field and Tuel rush for 1 yard touchdown. Coach Banker impressed with WSU offense and decide that he stop trying on sweaters for Babs and pay more attention to calling game, tell defense to stop eating cookies at get down to business. On next drive Taylor Henry go out and sack Tuel after WSU running back try to throw little block. Ever gracious Henry say "He have huge heart for such an itsy bitsy guy, block was so cute I hope my mom got a picture of it."

Beavers pretty much lock up game at that point. Only kind bad thing happen when DearLeader make over-served bet to Bob DeCarolis about fullback receiver and Clayton York score yet another touchdown and have to pay $500k to OSU Foundation. DearLeader forget that York best fullback receiver in world, but won't forget next time. It all worth it though when BFF Larry Scott run around suite yelling "I'M THE JUGGERNAUT" again and then do "Jordan shrug". That guy make life worth living.

Barbara Curtin crack reporter make best observation of day and note that Trevor Romaine make 8 kicks: 5 point after and 3 field goals. Romaine admit that he have trouble with last PAT, he was pretty tired and also fatigued by all the fudge and cake Barbara bring to sidelines. Everybody favorite scamp Johnny Hekker have quiet day, get all his homework done on the sidelines. When Babs ask him why he only kick one time, Hekker smile sheepishly and say he get in a little trouble with Coach Riley for hiding Trevor diamond earring week before.

On defense Scott Crichton turn in Pac 12 player of week performance too, lead team in tackles and play like hair on fire. Inoke Breckterfield was guest in suite and was proud of young protégé. Inoke say he looking for a new job because Ricky Neuhetzel say he was fired, so happy when DearLeader explain that Ricky always think he is fired every week but it was another coach this time too and not to worry. That Ricky, he crazy.

Follow @DearLeader_Beav on twitter for glorious insights and truths and you may email DearLeader with your tributes You are welcome.


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    Chad Luther, Mr. Anonymous and heir apparent Kim Jong-Fudge grateful to have been permitted to contribute to this report.

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