The Smack-10…who's gonna win, with a twist!

I must be getting old. It's Friday and I'm just now fully recovered from a two-day swing through Sin City…must have been the pure oxygen they pump into the casino. But boy, was it worth it. High 80's outside, nuclear heat inside (What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas) and a constant grin on my face. Is there any doubt that the creation of the sports book was divine inspiration?

Good Lord, I do love that town. In the words of the King…VIVA!

Even still, it’s great to be back home and fired up for another Saturday of college football. They were calling last weekend “Separation Saturday”, but they should have added a “Part 1”. I’m looking for even more inside straights to take place tomorrow in this crazy Div. 1 season.

Beaver fans hit the trifecta…going up in the polls without playing a game, another Toilet Seat implosion on ABC and a Fusky embarrassment to the Fudgepack of the WAC. Nirvana! Too bad the Mildcats crapped out against FUCLA. It would have been worth it to split on my predictions.

Week 7 gave me a 3-1 record, but kept me at 74% for the season. Regardless, I’m letting it ride, since I’m playing with house money, and present to you my Week 8 parlay card.


Saturday, October 18th, 2003

The Mildcats get a much-needed week off to regroup and lick their wounds.

Coach Dirk Diggler will have the Chiquita’s spend the weekend writing an essay entitled “Home for the Holidays” while he examines the job market at

Cal @ UCLA – This is my Smack-10 “Upset Lock of the Week.” Cal State Liberal has had two weeks to prep for the Ruins and it will show early and often. Any doubt that Coach Deadford was the brain behind the uck machine should now be permanently erased and his game plan will expose the Ruins for the team they really are. Birkenstock State trickerations abound as FUCLA and Coach Bad Dog Karl gets their first league loss in a mild shocker. Cal 33 of a kind – UCLA 22 pair.

WSU @ Stanford – Here’s the first “letdown special” of the week as Wazzugly comes off a bye and takes on The Tree in their first home game in over a month. Will the Bougs be looking past The Boys of Bark to their home contest next week against the Beavs? Probably. Will it cause them to “Coug” it? Not a chance. Coach Dope has made sure his chargees have taken care of biz every week since their debacle in South Bent and will do so again this week. The Tree is talented in many ways, but just too darn young and inexperienced to hang with the Crimson and Silver. Déjà vu for The Tree as Wazzugly starts slow, speeds away like U$C and sets up the Pac-10 Game of the Year next week in the Palousy. WSU 42 – The Tree stands at 17.

ASU @ North Carolina – The Scum Devils, fresh off their second straight drubbing of Cal State Eugene, head 3,000 miles east to face the *hitheels of Crapple Hill. This might as well be a bye for Coach Sodcutter and Company, cause the Heels absolutely stink. Look for another big day from resurrected QB Falter and a solid day for their improving defense. Vegas is the Debil! 45 – NorCar 10.

USC @ Notre Dame – The resurgent Domers of South Bent, fresh off a nifty upset of ranked ArmPitt, play host to Toejam U. and give us our second “letdown special.” It’s hard to really get a bead on Condom State. They have thumped everyone they should have, but lost the only time they faced creativity and adversity. Neutered Dame has generally stunk up the joint, until their improbable victory in Transylvania, and should be fired up for this one. Will it and their monstrous crowd be enough to carry them past a very talented U$C squad? Nope. Spoiled Condom fends off early adversity to hold serve and keep their Top 10 ranking in tact. USC your bet and raise you 28 – Notre Dame 14.

And, bringing it home to papa…

UW @ Da Beavs – The Beavs lay down another “Biggest Game of the Year” bet with a “letdown special” kicker and spots ten points to boot. They’re healthy, hungry and ready to cash in on a playing-with-scared-money Fusky squad. Down to their last hand, the Cryee Crowd will do just about anything to win a big one, including cashing in the retirement fund. This makes them a very dangerous group. The Fuskies are nowhere near as bad as the SeaTac media makes them out to be and have a long history of finding a way to beat the house. But this is OUR house and the odds are defiantly in our favor. With Mr. Jackson rolling 7’s on his runs and Big Game James hitting blackjack on his receptions, Pit Boss Seigler and his dealers will shut the tables down on the Fuskies and send them home with just enough money for cab fare. The Pups will hit on a few hands early, but Casino Reser gets them in the long run. Beavs 31 – UW 21.

And there you have it…my five game Smack-10 parlay card for Week #8. Here’s hoping the rain stays way at the Salsa Bowl until after the game and our anticipated celebration.

So until next time, I’ll take the King’s advice…

“A little less conversation, a little more action please.”


Tony Soprano can be read every Friday. The views expressed in his column do not necessarily represent those of He can be reached at

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