The Smack-10…who's gonna win, with a twist!

Talk about your bad vibes. Last Saturday was loaded with it. First, the Beavermobile breaks down in Centralia and misses the game. Second, thanks to a late P-Town departure, my party and I were relegated to consuming the last of the "mystery meat" burgers (sans buns) at the Truax Center.

Last, the “burn in hell” crowd that surrounded the Salsa Bowl placed an absolute pall on the evening. Throw in the early missed field goal by Kirk “Mr. Automatic” Yliniemi and the Fuskie punt return for a TD and it seemed that Mr. Karma had predetermined our Beavs fate well before the coin toss. Of course, our absolute mental implosion with the game still in doubt didn’t help matters. And on that note…

For the first time EVER I was embarrassed to be a Beaver. Not because we lost or looked bad doing it…been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. I was embarrassed because of our guy’s behavior on national TV, no less. It was absolutely deplorable and they should be ashamed of themselves. Furthermore, it was like a Level 4 USAMRID virus that spread to even the likes of Steven Jackson, who picked up a nifty pair of 15-yarders. At that point, I started looking for black helicopters loaded with guys in yellow “Outbreak” suits to quarantine the whole area. Coach Riley and staff need to administer the anti-serum NOW as I’m sure I’m not the only one who never wants to see that kind of display again. Enough said.

Thanks to our gack and Cal’s inability to finish another close one, I landed at 3-2 for the week and 40-15 overall (73%). Quite frankly, with the unpredictability of Pac-10 teams from week to week (not to mention college football games in general…can you say West Virginia?), the picks are starting to feel like throwing darts. But it takes a lot more than a bit of uncertainty to stop the Soprano machine!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I invited a member of “the family” to throw in a few choice words this week. Please welcome Jimmy “The Fish” Castanetto to the fray!

“Howyadoin, Jimmy?”

“You donwanna know…”

“I heard that. Shall we prognosticate?”

“Who ya been talkin to? I ain’t got nuttin wrong wit my prognosticate!”

“Never mind, Jimmy.”

“Fuggedahboudit.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself…”

 

Saturday, October 25th
Arizona @ Cal – Birkenstock State, fresh off another heartbreak loss, host the Mildcats in Ssssssssssstrawberry Canyon and it couldn’t come at a better time. The Mildcats have improved every week since dumping Malcontent and will give the Libs a go of it. But, like most of their games so far, the Kitties will fold down the stretch. The Running Back Formerly Know As Joe should be able to pin a 100+ day and the Cubby passing game should have a blast as they get back to their winning ways and keep bowl hopes alive for another day. Cal 28 – Arizona 20.

Jimmy says, “The only thing I’d pick a bunch-a commie fruit loops to do is decorate my freakin’ basement!”

ASU @ UCLA – The Scum Devils dodged a major bullet in Crapple Hill last week, needing a last-second TD to beat a terrible UNC squad. Were they looking past them to FUCLA this week? Maybe. But, considering the way they’ve played this year, they shouldn’t be looking past anybody. Tomorrow, they clash with the mighty Ruins in Westworld. I’m looking for a very good game, with a late turnover probably being the difference. I’ll take the Debil’s offense over the FUCLA defense and call for a mild upset. ASU 30 – UCLA 27.

Jimmy says, “Have you seen dat Scum Devil quahtahback? He’s got a neck like a freakin’ eggplant!”

Stanford @ UO – The Tree stayed with Wazzugly last week at home until the fourth quarter. Not bad, but the Bougs were clearly looking past them and were out of sync most of the day. Another loss awaits The Boys of Bark as they head to Spewgene to take on the USS Hindenduck. Yeah the ucks are in a bad way and have changed their name to the _reg_n _ucks because they have no “o” and no “d”. But the Landfill is still a tough place to play, even less than full, and I think Bananarama will be ready. The skid stops for the Quacks tomorrow. UO 42 – Stanford 24.

Jimmy says, “If da freakin’ Quacks blow dis one, Coach Bitchlotti gets ta sleep with da fishes…so I heard.”

USC @ UW – As expected, the Toejams laid the wood to the Domers in South Bent last week. For their second road game in a row, they travel north to the Mountleg Kennel Club to face a revitalized Fuskie squad coming off their annual thumping of the Beavs (man, that is getting old!). As good as the Condoms have looked, I’m still not convinced that they are as “all-world” as they appear. Conversely, the Fuskies are nowhere near as good as the Beavs made them look last week, but the win couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. Does the mean beat U$C? I’m not sure, but I’m gonna pick ‘em anyway. UW 21 – USC 20.

Jimmy says, “Oo, I hate doze freakin’ Fuskies. Somebody needs to put dem down like da dogs dey ah. Soprano, you got ya head up ya ass again.”

And, saving the best for last…

Da Beavs @ WSU – In the spirit of full disclosure, the reason Jimmy is with me today is that after watching our last game, he decided to do a little post-graduate recruiting for his collections crew.

“Watch it, Soprano!”

Sorry, Jimmy. But you have to admit that many of our Beavs wore the “thug” fedora rather well. Still, as bad as it was, I have a firm belief that it will be greatly reduced this week. It had better, or else we’re gonna get slapped in the Palousy even worse than we did at home. With that said, I really like our chances against Wazzugly. We’re very evenly matched and they’re due for a loss. No way Big Steve has two bad games in a row, even against the #1 defense in the Pac-10. The offensive line gets back to business and the offense (read Mr. Anderson) won’t kill us. This good, old-fashioned street brawl gets decided by a field goal…the edge, therefore, goes to us, thanks to Kirk Y. Beavs 17 – WSU 14.

Jimmy says, “Come on, Soprano…youse know we’re gonna beat dem like rented mules. Don’t be such a freakin’ pansy!”

So that’s it for Week #9. Make it a great weekend and GO BEAVS!

“I almost forgot…thanks for your help this week, Jimmy. It’s always nice to have a visit from ‘family’ member.”

“Keep pickin’ like dis, Soprano, and youse won’t like da next visit.”

“Really? You threaten’ me, Fish?”

“I’d never do that, Tone…fuggedahboudit, will ya?”

“What you said, Jimmy. What you said.”

Tony Soprano can be read every Friday.  The views expressed in his column do not necessarily represent those of BeaverFootball.com.  He can be reaced at tony.soprano@beaverfootball.com.


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