It’s the one day of the year when the entire world is happily covered in orange and black! A fact, I like to believe, drives the Toilet Seat loonies right over the edge.
As for my picks from last week, I experienced a horror show of my own by going 2-3 and getting slashed to 70% for the year. YIKES! But, like the idiots who stayed in the house at Amityville after Evil told them to “get out!” I’m gonna see this thing through. However, if the walls start bleeding…
To further honor this awesome holiday, I consulted my buddy The Crypt Keeper, and we came up with a Halloween movie marathon to match the Pac-10 freak show on Saturday.
So, kiddies, lock the doors, turn off the lights, clutch your sweetie tight and settle in for our ghoulish Week 10 Predictions.
Saturday, Nov. 1st
“Race with the Devil” (Cal @ ASU) – Birkenstock State packs the Winnebago and heads for the desert to face the mercurial Scum Devils. Both teams desperately need to win, not just for their league standings, but to stay on track for bowl eligibility. Neither team has jack squat for a defense, so this promises to be a shootout. The Libs are feisty and The Running Back Formerly Known As Joe is putting together a nice year, but I’m taking the Pitchforks at home. ASU 45 – Cal 42.
“Night of the Living Dead” (UO @ UW) – CK and I almost went with “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken”, but this flick seemed just a bit more appropriate. The Fuskies and ucks have more injuries than the entire league combined and are forced to tap their zombie squads to fill their starting rosters. As such, this game may turn it to a battle for mere survival. Both teams are part of the 2-2 logjam in the middle of the Pac, but the Zeros hold a two game edge in the overall. The Pups of Mountleg can’t afford another loss and they know it. Besides, they absolutely hate each other. Bananarama will be looking to get some payback thanks to the Dance Fever routine the Fuskies did in the Landfill last year after slapping them around all day. Soylent Green won’t get it, but it will be damn close. UW 27 – UO 23.
“The Lord of Illusions” (UCLA @ Stanford) – Only an evil magician could pull off what Coach Good Dog Karl has done…4-0 in the Pac-10 and 6-2 overall WITHOUT AN OFFENSE. Talk about your smoke and mirrors. The illusion continues for FUCLA this week as they head to The Barn and take on The Tree. No contest for the Ruin defense and Dave “Wrecking” Ball, the conference leader in sacks and tackles for loss. No magic necessary here and its FUCLA in a romp. UCLA 35 – Stanford 10.
“Freddy vs. Jason” (WSU @ USC) – Hands down, this will be the game of the year in the Pac-10. The Mausoleum staff better have plenty of body bags on hand as two absolutely murderous defenses, lead by Wazzugly’s Will “Freddie” Derting and U$C’s Kenechi “Jason” Udeze, battle to the death. Hell, there will be more “three-and-out’s” tomorrow than a typical drunken frat after-party. The winner will be the whoever screws up the least on offense. After what I saw last weekend, I say Wazzugly blinks first and often. No more doubt in my mind…the Cal game was a fluke and the Toejams are for real. USC 21 – WSU 13.
And now, for our Feature Presentation…
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (UA @ Da Beavs) – If anybody needs a get-right game, it’s the Beavs. Thanks to a butt-kicking followed by an implosion, a cream puff is just what the doctor ordered and a classic slasher awaits the Mildcats in Corn Valley. If we throw the ball more than 10 times per half I’d be shocked, especially after seeing Cal’s RB “Joe” post over 200 on the kitties last week. Steven gets close to 250, Dwight gets over 100 and DA isn’t forced to carry the team. Furthermore, Richard “Leatherface” Seigler and the rest of his “Children of the Corn” will be picking fur balls out of their teeth all day. I hope you all have a strong stomach, cause it’s gonna get bloody. Beavs 49 – UA 17.
So that’s it, ghosts and goblins. From CK and myself, here’s hoping you all have a devilishly great Halloween.
Tony Soprano can be read every Friday. The views expressed in his column do not necessarily represent those of BeaverFootball.com. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.