As for my record, for the 5th straight week I posted no better than 3 correct picks and still hang at 70% for the year. And, with only 3 full weeks left, it looks like my string of 80% seasons is coming to an end. Oh well…you ride her till she bucks ya!
To add insult to injury, my old buddy Richard “Beavermobile” Taylor has thrown down his annual bye week “I’m Calling You Out, Soprano” prediction gauntlet. For the last several years, RT has thrown me at least one off-the-wall, wacky game to prognosticate. It’s basically his way of challenging my significant manhood, of which he is extremely jealous. Every year, I’ve owned his arse, which probably means I’ll get schooled. You’ll find this one in the position of honor usually reserved for the Beaver game.
So, with that said, here we go with my Smack-10 Week #11 Predictions!
Saturday, November 8th
The U$C Toejams and our beloved Beavers have the week off.
UW @ UA – Many thanks to Coach Vodka Gimlet and the Fuskies for slapping around the hapless Quacks at Mountleg last week – you are now on my Christmas card list. Tomorrow, the Fuskies are in Tuck-and-run to enjoy a break from the dismal SeaTac weather and scrimmage with the Mildcats. Watching these poor guys in the Salsa Bowl last Saturday was like a bad acid flashback to our Beaver teams of the 80’s (insert massive shiver here). More of the same for the kitties…Fuskies in a romp. UW 45 – UA 17.
ASU @ Stanford – Holy cow! While the Scum Devils have officially packed it in for the year, there is new life growing on the branches of The Tree. After looking really below average all season, the mighty Tree jumped up and bit the Ruins last week. I think Coach Spud and The Boys of Bark keep “big mo” going tomorrow at The Barn and put one of the last nails in the Scum Devil coffin. It will be about as exciting as watching flies mate, but they’ll get it done just the same. Stanford 24 – ASU 20.
Cal @ UO – You just gotta love Cal State Liberal and Coach Deadford. He’s got his youngsters playing with passion and, after a serious pasting of the Debils, it seems they are really starting to jell. This is not good news for a heartless Soylent Green “team”, who limp home to the Landfill after receiving yet another Pac-10 beat-down. Losing to the Fuskies is always worse to the uckies than any other, but this was down right embarrassing. It’s now do-or-die for the home team. Lose this one and they’ll go 0-3 to finish…words from their own mouths! Win and who knows. Will their Landfill mojo make a triumphant return ala Stanford? Me thinks not. I’m not expecting a bunch of defense in this game and it will probably come down to who has the ball last. Then again, if the Toilet Seats face early adversity, they’ve proven to fold like a cheap lawn chair. I’ll call for Birkenstock State to pull away in the fourth. Cal 38 – UO 28.
UCLA @ WSU – Like I said last week, the Ruins had been disguising their lack of offense with smoke and mirrors. Unfortunately, the smoke cleared to soon and The Tree exposed them for pretenders. Now, they get to head north to the Palousy and face a VERY torqued-off Wazzugly crew. While the Bougers probably would still have lost to Spoiled Condom, it’s hard not to argue that the officials, in typical Pac-10 fashion, played a major role in tipping the scales when the game was still in doubt. Yikes, I wouldn’t want to be FUCLA tomorrow. The 14 points they got off The Tree will seem like a deluge. The Wazzugly defense will want to show that the U$C letdown was a fluke and will be dining on Ruin burgers all day. OUCH! WSU 35 – UCLA 10.
And finally, the annual Beavermobile “I’m Calling You Out, Soprano” Challenge Game of the Year…
The Monmouth (NJ) Hawks @ The Sacred Heart Pioneers (Div. 1-AA) – Talk about your classic conflict in loyalty. In his typical twisted manner, RT has decided to make me choose between God (Sacred Heart) and “family” (a school from New Jersey). I love ya Rich like a brother, but you sure can be a royal jerk. Oh well, here we go…
As an FYI, both teams reside in the obscure Northleast Conference, housing such well-known schools as Bob Morris, Wagner and Albany. Takes your breath away, doesn’t it? But I digress.
Last week, the Chicken Hacks had their undefeated season snapped at 8 when they were tripped up on the road by Directional Connecticut, 14-10. Now they head to Foulfield, CT to battle the Rancid Fart Cryin’ Queers where RFCQ is reeling from two straight losses, the latest at the hands of Stoner Crook, 47-16. I think both teams were looking past their last opponents towards this rivalry game and it jumped up and bit ‘em. Now, they find themselves in “have-to’ situations since both are hip-deep in the conference race. I like the Hacks defense in this one thanks to All-American LB Joe Sentipal, even though they’re on the road. Based on their overall season performance, the Directional Conn game looks like a fluke, while the bitch slap RFCQ took revealed them as closet losers. I’ll go with blasphemy and “family” and pick Monmouth 28 – Sacred Heart 13. Like I got a choice…the Good Lord forgives, but the family doesn’t.
Besides, I can always go to confession and make an act of contrition (“Say 4 Our Fathers, drink 3 Bloody Marys and give me the winner in the 5th at Aqueduct.” “You got, Padre.”).
SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK!
Tony Soprano can be read every Friday on BeaverFootball.com. He can be reached