Welcome to Week Two of The Beaver Beat (now with logo!). Turn off that rerun of "Golden Girls" and strap in.
On this week's docket? Bobby D turns Robin Hood (kind of), the woes of a weak non-conference schedule, the Amazing ASU Quarterback Lottery, the Pole of Power and much much more. OK, that's really about it.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB
In a quiet piece of news, the Oregon State athletic department announced that its super-ritzy Club Level seats will now be sold for single games, rather than forcing people to purchase the full season ticket package. Surprisingly, sarg1 has yet to rouse the rabble into a frenzy with another exclamation point-ridden rant, but then again, perhaps he's too busy concentrating on the scrimmage coming up on August 31st.
That's right folks. For just $150 (Eastern Washington) to $385 (Oregon, USC), you, too, can find yourselves in the da club, bottles full of bub, with some X if you happen to be into takin' drugs (if you are over 35 years old, please abandon all hope of understanding the previous reference).
There are, of course, some negatives here, besides having to spend enough money to buy a used car if you want to take your family to the Civil War. Chief among them is the reason the club seats weren't available for single games LAST SEASON – the loss of the BASF donation that comes with a season ticket package.
But I'll stick my neck out and say that I'll take that loss when you consider the positives:
1. It will allow more people to experience the Club Level at times besides preview days and the one game last year where anyone could purchase the tickets. This could potentially lead to more season ticket sales next year, and the word-of-mouth that comes with new season ticket holders.
2. There will FINALLY be more butts in seats. Last year was almost humiliating at times when whole sections weren't filled up because the AD refused to release those seats to the general public, or even let people occupy them during torrential rainstorms ala last year's Washington State contest. With a great home schedule, we'll likely be having lots of television coverage in Reser, and the home viewers can't tell the difference between a single game ticket holder and a season ticket holder .
3. Related to the last point, opening up the seats to the general public allows for much more flexibility as the season continues. In the case of a good season, people will be able to gobble up those last few seats to come watch the Beavs play and will pay the money to do so. Without opening up the seats, people would have needed to purchase whole season ticket packages just to watch the final two to four home games. And in the case of a bad season? Well, in either scenario there would simply be unpurchased seats sitting empty, so there is, in effect, no difference on how they might be bought.
4. The best part from the customer perspective is just that fans will now be able to pick and choose games in which they may want to sit in the Club Level. If I have family coming in during Eastern Washington and really want to take my brother to the Civil War in style, but am OK with my "cheap" seats on the old side for all of the other contests, I now have the ability to purchase accordingly.
This move gets three out of four Flaming Corndogs from The Beaver Beat.
YAWN. IS THAT FOOTBALL SEASON COMING UP?
Does anyone care that we are now nine days away from the season opener? I mean, REALLY care? Sure, you'll go to the game, but have you already gone face paint browsing, just to make sure you get the right shade of Construction Zone Orange®? Are you giving the La-Z-Boy a thorough sitting every day, ensuring that you get that ass groove JUST right?
Or are you, like most of us, thinking: "Eastern Washington"?
We'll talk next week about history being meaningless when you're playing one-double-A teams, but for this week, let's just pretend my readers are optimistic enough to believe that we're good enough to beat up on a school who looks up to Wazzu.
This non-conference schedule sucks. No bones about it. Boise State has some redeeming characteristics because of the burgeoning rivalry, and we should all be doing hand workouts to prepare for the massive standing ovation Saint Dennis will be getting during the Idaho game, but this year's OOC games are the college football equivalent of a prostate exam.
It shows in scrimmages, as Mike Riley sits most of his starters to give the depth chart a good massaging. It shows in excitement, as people get more worked up about Oregon's new billboards than about kickoff. It shows in the fact that most people really won't care until the crowd starts roaring (OK, mumbling).
Was the LSU game a money grab from the get-go? Sure. But at least people gave a damn. We spent MONTHS talking smack with the LSU cognitive elite, many of which actually attended a real elementary school. The team was more focused, and damned if we didn't almost pull off a tremendous upset. You can talk negatives on that choice, but you can't take away the fact that we were all pumped for the season.
Now, with less than two weeks until the season begins, the only question is whether anyone can overtake RealGrassReser in his approaching landslide victory in this year's IDBs.
Someone please kill me.
I VOTED FOR SAM KELLER BEFORE I VOTED AGAINST HIM
Speaking of the IDB's, someone should probably check to see if Dirk Koetter has an IP listed with a Scout handle, because he might just make things interesting.
Winner of this week's John Kerry Award For Decisiveness, Dirk Diggler announced that sophomore QB Rudy Carpenter would be taking the reins of the Arizona State Sun Devils this year. Unfortunately, this move required him to throw The Quarterback Formerly Known As Starter, Sam Keller, off of the wagon altogether. And then just for the hell of it, to hit it in reverse and back over the guy again.
The best part of this whole ordeal has been his interview with reporters where he kept repeating that it was "[his] decision to make" regarding the quarterback situation. Really, Dirk? Thanks for clearing up that one for us. I'm sure that's why everyone's in such a fuss, they just didn't get that you were the head coach. Maybe you should cram that cute little visor down on your head more and they'll get it.
The whole interview is like a mix of George Bush declaring himself "The Decider" and the infamous Allen Iverson interview where he just keeps repeating over and over again that "It's practice". Only with more hair gel.
The only thing better was Rudy Carpenter's message to the reporters. "It was Coach Koetter's decision to make, and we just have to respect that". That may not have been the exact quote, but close enough to make me want to vomit all over myself. I'm sure that Carpenter thought the same thing when has named the backup.
I don't like to wish misfortune on college football players, so I'll stop just short of whipping out the voodoo doll and aiming the for ACL, but any game that Dirk wins this season with Carpenter at the helm will be one too many in my book.
POLE OF POWER
This week's Pole rankings may be slightly off. This week has seen a lot of acid use, followed by long, thought-provoking analysis of the new UO billboards. Innovative.
1. Cal (Even with Mixon out)
2. USC (Because they are)
3. Oregon (honestly, after the above two teams, I think everyone has tons of problems)
4. OSU (Hooray for everyone else sucking)
5. Arizona (Stoops and Koetter team up to be the worst coaching tandem in any area in the world, unless Osama bin Laden starts fielding a team)
6. UCLA (Winners of this week Everyone Else Sucks More Lottery)
7. Arizona State (Karma, baby)
8. Washington State (Blah).
Again, no one cares about the other two teams.
That about wraps it up for this week. Tune in next week for our Eastern Washington "preview", and more of the white hot wit that makes the homies say "Ho!" and the girls want to scream. Or something.
(Curtis Haley is currently listed under the Webster's Dictionary entry for "Moist". In the interest of full disclosure, we feel it important to divulge that he was the favorite to become Dirk Koetter's male life partner until Lance Bass took the job from him. He has hated life ever since.
If you wish to ululate your praises his way, you can do so at firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Beaver Beat (August 22, 2006)
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