Game Day: Revenge On The Nerds

Let the record reflect I'm not anti-nerd. As a follower I'm dependent on the future leaders of a stagnant nation to rekindle the economy, cure diseases and rule against the selfish and ethically challenged who are responsible for digging us into this bottomless pit of despair, but tonight I'm wishing them the worst of luck in Autzen Stadium both literally and figuratively.

Good fortune is not only what I hope to see very little of in regards to the Cardinal's performance tonight in Eugene, but their quarterback (Andrew Luck) is more-than-welcome to put his worst foot forward in the biggest game of this soon-to-be-millionaire's young life.

And I feel like he will. Notice I'm not saying I think he will, based on a wealth of facts or evidence to back it up, but that my gut tells me that he, the Cardinal and that goofy dancing fir tree of a mascot are in for a long and unexpected night, and why? Because they're due.

I'm a big believer in justice. I like and put faith in sayings such as, "what comes around goes around," and "you get what you deserve." That's what allows for happy endings. Do you think that Daniel Larusso (Karate Kid) could have single-handedly dismantled John Lawrence and the rest of the Cobra Kai's had he been a bully, miscreant or juvenile delinquent? Is it even fathomable that John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey would've ultimately married their way into a wealthy and powerful family like the Cleary's, if not for a man-sized slice of humble pie brought on by a decade's worth of debauchery? And under no circumstances would Danny Noonan (Caddyshack) have walked away from Bushwood Country Club with the girl, a caddy scholarship and a handshake from Al Czervik, had he not toiled in the gutter of the golf world, schlepping a bag for the "haves" while growing up amongst the "have nots?"

Of course not. The world wants guys like Larusso, Beckwith and Grey (Wedding Crashers), and Noonan to come out on top, while subsequently dealing polar-opposite blows to the likes of Johnny Lawrence, Zach Lodge and Judge Elihu Smails. It wants good to prevail over evil, the righteous to prevail over the sinners, and the never-was to prevail over the has-been.

Stanford won this game last year. They took it to Oregon in the trenches, converted third downs through the air, and stifled the Ducks high-powered offense in the first 30 minutes. If they needed a play, they made it, and that's what winners do…when it's their night. But tonight is the Ducks night. Pundits are doubting, fans are second-guessing, and the nerds are riding a high of unfamiliar praise.

"Stanford's underrated."

"Andrew Luck's the best I've seen in 10 years."

"Jim Harbaugh's a genius."

They're saying, but "dangerous is the unfamiliar game," and the nerds are in unfamiliar territory. The Tri-Lambs could never have found the motivation to outduel the Alpha Betas had they themselves ruled the Greek Council. The Bad News Bears wouldn't have had a chance against the Yankees if not for an inferiority complex. And "Rudy" would not have been nearly the motivation if not for the imagination and creativity of a Hollywood writer…err…an intense desire to prove a point.

Oregon can, should and will win this game. In part because of talent, in part because of the home field, and in part because of what's right. The nerds had their time a year ago, and they'll have their time in years to come, but now it's time for the champs to reign supreme.

I offer you the following speech from Coach Harris (Revenge of the Nerds) as motivation for the upcoming game.

"When you were a baby in your crib, your father looked down at you with only one hope, someday my son will grow to be a man. Look at you now, you just got your asses whipped by a bunch of G** Damn nerds…NERDS! Well if I were you, I'd do something about it. I'd get up and redeem myself, in the eyes of my father, my maker and my coach. Let's get those nerds!"

Amen.


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