"This is an injustice to not only my family, but also the fans of the University of Washington. It goes to show the times have passed by the old bureaucrats who play God in the NCAA offices when most of them are to old even to wipe themselves" stated Neuheisel.
Among the new sanctions agreed upon by Washington Athletic Director Barbara Hedges, were another ten year extension on Neuheisel's contract which would pay him through 2018. Also, a 20% annual pay raise in addition to retiring the debt on his personal estate in the Seattle area were also agreed upon. "We view this as lending some stability to one of the top college football programs in the country" said Hedges at a hasty called press conference. "We thought the 20% raise was a bargain for one of the great young minds in college coaching ranks as well. Our coaching staff is set not only for this team, but this team's children as well" gushed Hedges.
Further penalties included a three year ban on calling the football team the "Huskies." They will be named the "Fighting Sissy Mary's." Also, the football helmets will have the dog and "W" removed and replaced with dual caricatures of Coach Neuheisel and AD Hedges. Early talks with artist Rafael Lemure, now in his 80's, looks promising. Lemure gained fame for his previous 'dual caricatures' work with Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. He also was the father figure in designing the sketches of the "Honeymooner" series. "It should help our recruiting efforts tremendously" noted Neuheisel. "So long as Rafael makes Barb look like Ralph Cramden with those big ol' bugeyes. It's kinda funny because as a child, many of my folks friends often pointed out I looked a lot like a smaller thinner version of Audrey Meadows."
Early reports are coming from the UW Athletic Dept. that next years' football season motto will be: "To The Moon Alice."