Game Day: Oregon Will Win

First and foremost, welcome to the 2008 college football campaign! While I'm sure many of you have been not-so-secretly lamenting the Stanford victory Thursday evening, it's Saturday's game which you've been anxiously awaiting since New Years Eve of last year.

Certainly you'd be geeked for any pigskin involving your Ducks at this point, however, your cup runneth over with the likes of the Washington Huskies coming to town. While opening day is often accompanied by questions whose answers are unknown, I'm here to ease your pain…Oregon will win.

I know what you're thinking; how does he know, and how is he coming to such a conclusion?

Simply put, I'm a logician. No, I don't pull rabbits from a hat, escape from inescapable places, or use the side of my mouth in an effort to tell jokes through a smiley-faced puppet, I'm a theorist or truth-seeker based primarily on facts, and most facts point to an Oregon victory. Sure, there are two sides to any argument, but the polar opposite of right is wrong, and I don't deal in untruths. So without further adieu, I offer the following facts in an attempt to calm your nerves and relax any thoughts of negativity, for I assure you prognostication is a science, for which I am the scientist.

Fact #1, Jake Locker is not God. I'm not sure whether the alleged creator of the earth ever played the game, but I'm quite sure that if he did he'd complete more than 47 percent of his pass attempts, and he'd surely throw more touchdowns than picks. Secondly, if God could create the earth in seven days, why can't he beat more than half the Pac-10 Conference in a given year?

Fact #2, Purple is a feminine color and femininity is not often associated with football. Think I'm kidding? Hugo Boss and Ralph Lauren both market products which directly relate the color purple with femininity. Be it a fragrance or an article of clothing described as "flowing femininity," it ain't manly.

Fact #3, Oregon nearly never loses a season opener. If not for a regretful turnover filled afternoon against Indiana, the Ducks would be 8-0 since the turn of the century.

Fact #4, Autzen Stadium is no place for the inexperienced. The Huskies start a sophomore quarterback, a freshman tailback, and more than half of the players on their two-deep depth chart are either freshmen of sophomores.

Fact #5, Colin Cowherd's Wheel of Genius picked the Ducks to topple the Huskies minus the 13.5 point spread. Normally I'd give this very little credence, but since it's a positive spin with a desirable outcome -- I'll take it.

Fact #6, I'm a firm believer in karma, and Oregon has accrued a significant amount of it. With the quantity and severity of last year's injuries, coupled with Nathan Costa's recent misfortunes, the Quackers are staring prosperity right in the eyes.

Fact #7, deep down the Huskies really want to lose. Nothing says "fire a coach" like losing to a hated rival, and a considerable number of Dawgs would love nothing more then to show Coach Willingham the door.

There you have it, seven simple facts which point directly towards an Oregon triumph. I could bore you with countless others, but I needn't see the point. The Ducks are the better team, with the better coaches, and without question the better talent, so don't bother wasting time worrying about an outcome which isn't in doubt, merely let the facts lead you where you're dying to go.

I'm a logician, and I approve this message.

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