Game Day: What's Going On?

After five sleepless nights, countless wasted days, and an infinite number of tears (not literally) I've finally figured it out…

Oregon is under a spell.

The Red Sox had the "Curse of the Bambino," the Cubs had their "Billy Goat," and Sports Illustrated and EA Sports' Madden series have their cover jinxes, but quickly gaining momentum is the Oregon quarterback debacle. When Jeremiah Masoli left last week's game versus Boise State, he marked the third Oregon signal-caller this season to go down and the seventh in a span of ten months. In addition to the sheer number of injuries, the magnitude of said injuries speaks volumes. Four of the seven included full or partial tears of one or more knee ligaments and in three cases (Dixon and Costa twice) were season ending.

Without any facts to back it up, my research tells me this has hasn't happened since the inception of a game called football.

Few colleges are capable of fielding a fifth string quarterback and there's a reason for such…it's unfathomable to need it!

I've heard numerous people, be it media or otherwise, remark that injuries are a product of attrition and are an unfortunate part of the game which each and every team experiences. Yes, to an extent, and are you "F'n" kidding me? Of course injuries are an unfortunate part of football, but not to the level that Oregon has experienced of late, and certainly not at the quarterback position. Secondly, if I hear "the spread offense is to blame" again, I'm going to…well…do or say something rude, immature, or all of the above.

Dennis Dixon injured his knee scrambling. Nathan Costa tore his knee during two non-contact drills. Leaf and Roper were hurt outside of the pocket. And Masoli was concussed due to a cheap shot after the whistle! None of which occurred during or were the result of a "spread offense" specific play.

Back off haters, and profess to the bad fortune that the Ducks have experienced. It's undeniable. But the real question is why? Why are these injuries occurring? What or who is to blame? And how can such an unprecedented epidemic be stopped?

I may not know, but allow me the following theories:

Theory #1 – During a trip to Hawaii, a current Duck player or coach unearthed the Tiki Doll thought to be buried by Bobby, Peter, and Greg Brady during their "Brady Hawaiian Vacation." While it was thought that the boys, along with Vincent Price, ritually decursed (potentially not a word, but go with it) said amulet, it's since wreaked havoc on Oregon and their quarterback position. While responsible for Greg's horrific surfing accident, Bobby's near fatal run-in with a Tarantula, and Alice's debilitating Hula injury, it has certainly reached its crescendo with the Ducks. Recommendation: Contact Christopher Knight (Peter Brady and co-star of "My Fair Brady") for suggestions as to how to exercise the demons. Pathetic? Yes, but "desperate times…"

Theory #2 – Someone drank Jo Boo's ("Major League") rum. During his short stint in baseball's minor leagues, Dennis Dixon, in an effort to cure his hitting woes, turned to Jo Boo for help. Unbeknownst to one of his teammates, drinking Jo Boo's rum is "very bad!" End result; quarterback hex. Recommendation: Debrief each and every player from the 2007 season, discovering the perpetrator and atoning for his mistake.

Theory #3 – While traveling to or from Southern California, a current or ex-Duck player or players stopped innocently to relieve one's self a short distance from the road. Unbeknownst to those responsible, their relief was at the expense of an ancient Indian burial ground. Such action has resulted in the current bad karma and can only be rectified by the following actions; Like Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh of "Beverly Hills 90210"were directed to do, the responsible parties must construct a sweat lodge from scratch, partake in a tribal séance, and appease the powers that be.

Theory #4 – Theory four is more of a suggestion to remedy the ills of the program, opposed to an actual cause for such, but it suggests the implementation of "Seinfelds" George Costanza's "opposite" rule. It merely suggests that when things are at a low and seemingly aren't getting any better, do everything opposite of what your instincts recommend. For instance, if all things point to starting Masoli over Thomas, then start Thomas. If wisdom suggests kicking a field goal, then go for it. And so on. It worked for Costanza, so it's got to be worth a try.

Four theories, all ridiculous and all a result of too much television coupled with desperation.

Who or what's to blame for the aforementioned quarterback nightmare? I don't know, but I know I don't like it. I'd like to see one guy make it through a game. I'd like to see one guy excel at the position. And I'd love to see other guys start, stay, and end a game on the bench.

It's time to break the curse.


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