Year Two of The Chip Kelly Project began with the usual suspensions and expulsions of key starters, but you would never know it by the naughty things they did to Los Lobos. The speed discrepancy alone was enough to rule this a gross mismatch and even the most potent dose of peyote didn't make the four hours of torture bearable. Instead of adding stickers to their helmets, weekly Quacker standouts get to add the prefix "La" to their first names.
Entomologists and Cardinal fans alike gathered in Palo Alto to observe the mysterious Colony Collapse Disorder in person. The victims of this phenomenon were a local swarm from Sacramento that didn't go down without a fight, stinging some valuable Stanford players in the process. Tree fans fear the ground attack in the post-Toby era is a shell of its former self, and the growing list of guys who are "working on things" is enough to temper enthusiasm as the Pac Ten(+2) opener approaches.
Not wanting to be left out of the Sac-Town Beat-Down festival, the Barely Bears hosted fellow UC safety school Davis. Any notions of repeating their Bay Area miracle were quickly dismissed as the Aggies looked every bit the part of a Big West program. Lost in all the excitement was Jeff Tedford passing Pappy Waldorf on the all-time coaching wins list in Weenieville. The AD wanted to celebrate the milestone with a monument on Tight Wad Hill, but the money had already been used in the renovation of Mike Montgomery's parking space.
Holy Toledo who would agree to play a MAC team on their turf and terms? Is there another Stoops in the coaching ranks we don't know about--perhaps a bastard brother threatening to reveal an ugly family secret? Either way, the Wildcats took care of business and Nick Foles and his pass-happy crew appear to be in midseason form. Bragging rights go to the defense however, as they pitched a shutout that was stained by a safety.
Ever the contrarians, Riley's Rodents passed on the cupcakes and went back to the buffet line for extra helpings of meat. More than holding their own against a potential national champion in TCU is well and good, but sandwiching Louisville between a team that hasn't lost at home since the advent of blue astroturf is suicidal. If nothing else, it should be funny to watch their S.O.S multiplier crash the BCS computer.
Monte Kiffin may want to re-think his decision to follow his offspring around in this ill-fated retirement tour. The Toejam defense tarnished the reputation of the Elder Kiffin as a guru when they let The Rainbows prance down the field at will, racking up nearly 600 yards and 36 points. Meanwhile, Little Lane continues to be the best interview in sports, assuming you get a kick out of seeing a grown man with the temperament of Eric Cartman.
The Rabies' foam is spewing early this Fall in Seattle as coaching gaffes abound kept UW from stealing a critical win as they struggle to become bowl eligible. "No Bark Sark" may find his free passes are dwindling as The Emerald City is becoming disenchanted with all of the $C cast-offs looking clueless wandering the sidelines. If you believe in bad omens, the pre-season dismissal of TE Kavario Middleton for behavior that would make Jerramy Stevens blush qualifies as a doozy.
Despite not having much of a book on the 2010 Solar Satans, Boot Pool Booties didn't squander a rare chance to pick ASU to win in the annual Survivor Pool. Those Dusty Devils didn't disappoint as they cruised to a 54-9 victory over Portland St. in the final game of the Pac Ten-Big Sky Tournament. Word out of Tempe is that Michigan transfer Steven "Not Sedale" Threet has supplanted the incumbent QB Brock Osweiler, ironically after being chased out of Ann Arbor by Tate Forcier.
After watching The Jayhawks lose to North Dakota St., Tricky Rick must have felt like he scheduled the wrong Kansas school. Someone let Chow know that naming your offense "Pistol" doesn't make it lethal, unless you count those who commit suicide after watching Kevin Prince tossing wounded ducks into the secondary. Rumor has it Rahim Moore has requested to play receiver this week, skirting the responsibility of tackling Coby Fleener.
The good news is Wazzu returns 16 starters. The bad news is Wazzu returns 16 starters. As Coug fans gear up for their lone win of the season, courtesy visiting Montana State, one has to wonder if the conference expansion could provide the perfect cloak to switch WSU with Mike Price's UTEP Miners.
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