BPR, Nov. 25: Tryptophan-hangover edition

The Boot Power Ratings see two teams head-and-shoulders above the rest of the league -- and sees it only proper to have plenty of fun at every team's expense. Want a good jab at Arizona or USC or UCLA or... well, you get the idea... read on!

Oregon 98

Slogging it out before pulling away from Washington and then escaping the earthquake safety zone by a two-point margin, the gizzards aren't playing their best ball right now. Will an extra week off be the remedy? Will the team meal on Thursday lead to a tryptophan hangover on Friday? Who generates more spittle when berating the refs, Chip or Mike? Tune in and find out.

Stanford 97.5

The season of redemption saw the Card make another notch in their bedpost after defiling the bent-over-bears in their own house. Had Harbauer not sent in the victory cigars, Stanford certainly would have put a drubbing on Berkeley worthy of a separate engraving on The Axe Plaque. In a year when so many things have gone their way, you have to feel confident that the BCS deck will deal the trees a rose card.

Arizona 81

One thing many have forgotten about last season was this very same Arizona team taking Oregon to the brink before falling in double overtime. Granted, that game was in Tucson and against a slightly less potent Oregon attack, but it did show that 'Zona has the goods to hang with the Quackers. Little Bro Stoops has had two weeks to craft and implement a defensive game plan that he hopes will make his namesake proud.

USC 74

Not having to be in the same division as Oregon State is suddenly feeling very fortuitous to the rubber wrappers. Being 0-3 in Corvallis is bad enough, but watching your franchise QB have his ankle bent unnaturally really smarts. Add to that, frosh stud running back Dillon Baxter was ineligible pending an investigation that reads like an Onion article, involving a golf cart ride from the CEO of an agency. It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for $C. Almost.

Arizona State 66

With the deluge of bowls in danger of not having any qualified invitees, ASU stands to benefit as a backdoor may be left open by the NCAA to take a five-win team. Provided, of course, that the horned ones can shake off consecutive demoralizing losses and finish up by taking out UC-El Lay and rival Arizona. The moral of the story? There isn't one; it's just a bunch of crap that no one really cares about.

Oregon State 63

Left for dead after an effortless home defeat to Pac X whipping boy Wazzu, Mike Riley rallied his vermin for their obligatory thumping of $C. Not wanting to take any chances, the Beavs put Matt Barkley on the trainers table, and choked the life out of the toejam offense. Don't get too giddy Ratnation, the bookend to your killer schedule is looming on the horizon.

Washington 61

As rare as wins have been over the last two years in Seattle, you would think the mutt lovers would show a little more enthusiasm following a 24-7 victory over their former coach. Maybe it's due to the fact that it was the most deceptive score in the history of football, as no team in recent memory has looked so awful while posting such a margin. If the Brehaut-Locker showdown wasn't the perfect showcase game for a Thursday night, certainly a Mansion-Locker match-up will set Nielson records.

Washington State 60

Before the season began, Wazzu agreed to shuffle their schedule around to accommodate Stanford (thanks Cougs!) and gave themselves three weeks to prepare for The Apple Cup. That probably seemed like a good idea at the time, as this may have been the best strategy to avoid an 0-12 season and stick it to their rivals, but it may have backfired as Wulff's squad was sizzling, riding high on their one-game winning streak.

kal 59

Adding his name to the growing list of Big Game Weenies, Sean "Dumped on My" Cattouse earned his hotdog helmet sticker by leading his fellow chumps in a pre-game show of false bravado, only to find himself posterized repeatedly by the classier counterparts across the bay. If kal fails to secure a sixth win this week, unhappy donors may opt to let the football team go the way of the baseball team. Good thing they never broke ground on that new stadium.

UCLA 54

Following their worst offensive performance of the season (and there have been plenty of candidates) it may be time to end the cute little "Pistol" experiment. Even if Yuck-La somehow pulls off a miracle and wins their remaining two games, it won't fix the incompetency of their offense, which has been dismal ever since Guru Chow arrived three years ago. I'm excited to see what new wrinkles he has in store for an ASU team designed to stuff his only strength.


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