Dirty Dozen: The liar edition

"Meanwhile, the Zendejas brothers are meeting this weekend to discuss rescinding the family surname from Alex, who has not lived up his placekicking heritage." It's unverified, but it's wild and wacky. Ladies and gentlemen, this week's Dirty Dozen.

Arizona

It looks like the Wildcats' problems weren't entirely the fault of their former general, who is probably enjoying a side of schadenfreude with his severance package. Consecutive losses to the conference newcomers have Arizona on the inside track to finish dead last, unless they can summon enough chi to knock their bitter rivals out of the South Division chase. Meanwhile, the Zendejas brothers are meeting this weekend to discuss rescinding the family surname from Alex, who has not lived up his placekicking heritage.

Arizona State

With the easiest part of their schedule ahead of them and only a feckless Bruin squad to compete with, perhaps the pitchforks hit cruise control a bit too soon. The latest episode of "Erickson's Apathy" starred a freshman quarterback lighting up his supposed stout secondary to the tune of 494 yards and four touchdowns, prompting pundits to ask, "Does anyone want to represent this division in the title game?" The players will have to come up with a new excuse, as cold weather won't fly with their last two games being in Tempe(rate).

California

Over the last two seasons, kal has exaggerated the negative effects of going on the road, and it took them most of the year to acclimate to their temporary home in San Fran. Nevertheless, becoming bowl eligible the same day that "furd" had their winning streak snapped has dramatically decreased call volume on the weenie suicide hotline, though Sean Cattouse still sees the team therapist about his Luck-mares. Big Game week trumps all other subplots however, and Tedford knows he could squeeze another few years on the job out of a victory in Palo Alto.

Colorado

Congratulations are in order for Coach Embree and his Buffalitos for avoiding the shame of being winless in their inaugural season of Pac-12 play. Not only that, but they broke a five-game streak of allowing 40 or more points as they held Nick Foles and his aerial acrobats in check. Colorado has been the anti-Stanford when it comes to red zone offense, converting at a paltry 50 percent success (or in this case, failure) rate, but against Zona, each of the seven times the Buffs entered the red zone, they left only after putting another seven on the scoreboard. Closing out the season against UCLA and Utah provides a golden opportunity to play spoiler in the South Division race.

Oregon

Say what you want about Oregon's OOC struggles under Kelly, but he has them rolling through the Larry Scott Club like crap through a duck...err goose. With several swift blows, Team Nike squashed our beloved Cardinal's national and conference title hopes, reminding everyone that the road to glory still runs through Eugene. If you still have doubts about Chip's ability to close the deal, his choir boys are 30-0 when taking a lead into the fourth quarter.

Oregon State

Channeling their inner Domer, OSU turned the ball over twice inside their five-yard line last Saturday en route to another ugly loss. On the bright side, Sean Mannion is putting together a decent season (statistically speaking) and Jordan Poyer's car wasn't vandalized during the game, so not all is bleak in Beaverville. You think Jacquizz knew what he was doing by bolting to the NFL? The bark rats rank 119th in the nation in rushing offense.

Stanford

Maybe Stanford's injury problems finally caught up with them, or maybe Oregon just has their number. Getting blasted by nearly identical, lopsided scores in consecutive years is bad enough, but doing so in front of a rabid crowd and a truly national audience really smarts. Cardinalmaniacs are still hopeful that the BCS will break in our favor, and we just may get a crack at one of those untouchable SEC squads everyone holds in such high regard. In the meantime, IT'S BIG GAME WEEK!

UCLA

Slick Rick seemed to be pulling another rabbit out of his hat after his squad surprisingly ascended to the top of its division, but a stink bomb of a game in Salt Lake City puts him right back in the doghouse. The loss brings Neuweasel's road conference record to 3-18 during his Westwood tenure, and after it seemed that he had his QB situation settled, Prince Kevin turned in a performance that has the locals clamoring for the return of King Richard.

USC

Playing for little more than party favors these days, the hot dog condiments dispatched of Yoo Dubb rather easily and now turn their attention to the team threatening to break their conference game winning streak. Adding to the drama of this clash is De'Anthony Thomas, who spurned $¢ in the 11th hour and followed the trail of bread crumbs to Oregon. Robert Woods may get the media attention, but fellow receiver Marqise Lee has been the one doing the damage to opponents lately.

Utah

Left for dead when their starting QB went down for the count, the Utes shook off an 0-4 conference start and reeled off three straight wins, securing one postseason game and an outside shot at a second. To take the pressure off his new signal caller, Coach Wittingham turned to running back John White IV, who has become the Pac 12's best kept secret. Bolstered by a defense that recently became the toughest to score on in the conference, Utah has a legitimate chance of finishing 8-4 with some momentum heading into next season. Still, even with sustained success, I doubt I ever will associate their school with anything other than Rick Majerus.

Washington

Due to the schedule shuffle during realignment, Washington was forced to play at the mausoleum in consecutive seasons and played like they were still bitter about it. Husky fans have been waiting to "be back" ever since Sarkisian took over, but this latest setback is further proof that they are not ready to hang with the conference elite. To make matters worse, it appears the team will be without the services of Keith Price and must turn to Montana the Younger to lead them to victory.

Washington State

If you predicted Wazzu's third string quarterback would set the high-water mark for single-game passing yards in the Pac-12 this year, raise your hand. Liar. Relieving Marshall Lobbestael after the first two series, Connor Halliday had himself a night that puts him up there with Bledsoe-Leaf-Gesser in the pantheon of Cougar chuckers. If he can manage to win two more games to gain bowl eligibility for his mates, they just might retire his number on the spot.


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