Dirty Dozen: The not present edition

Without further ado, here is the one, the only, the truly incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Dirty Dozen.

Arizona

Big week for the sand cats as they welcomed their third coach in 30 days and furthered the death spiral of their rival. I'm not sure who was responsible for getting Louisiana-Lafayette scheduled last, but it lines up nicely for ‘Zona to finish on a winning note. And just because I wanted a reason to write this name, Juron Criner is one touchdown away from breaking Theopolis Bell's school record.

Arizona State

Starting the season 5-1, it seemed as though ASU had outgrown the immature mistakes that plagued them a year ago, but a loss to kal this weekend would mean a 1-5 finish and a shocking absence from the top of the South Division standings. Erickson wisely announced his resignation before he could be formally dismissed, but Stunned Devil fans will tell you he has been voting "not present" for some time now.

California

The weenies couldn't capitalize on a ripe upset chance, despite getting a once-in-a-lifetime performance from Zach Maynard, so the bumble bee committee walked home empty-handed once again. Not eligible for one of the more glamorous conference tie-ins, kal is motivated to win one more time to avoid McCovey Cove and the Macaroni Bowl.

Colorado

As hard as it is to believe, 26 Buffalo players are set to graduate without a road win. Partly to blame for this futility is the play of the offensive line, which lately has looked more like a poorly scripted Russian bear dance than a properly executed blocking scheme. In a week full of rivalry games, Saturday's contest with Utah is slightly out of place, as the two schools haven't squared off since 1962.

Oregon

Ever since they opened their season with a loss to LSU, Whoregon had been frantically trying to re-insert themselves into the national championship conversation. It appeared they had cleared the biggest hurdle when they took out Stanford, but a sneaky Trojan land mine tripped them up for good. As prolific a scoring team as the quackers have been, having the game come down to the leg of their seldom-used kicker was cringe-inducing for fans and players alike.

Oregon State

As if the river rats needed any extra motivation to take down the hated Ducks, consider that two of their last three Civil War losses have cost OSU a run for the roses. It would be fitting if they could return the favor, in Eugene no less, and simultaneously vault our Cardinal heroes to the top of the North Division, allowing us an Andrew Luck curtain call.

Stanford

Don't cancel those New Orleans hotel reservations just yet. An unprecedented slew of upsets this past weekend has left the door open for Stanford to sneak into the title game, though a similar amount of fortune is needed again this weekend. The only part Shaw and Co. control is their showdown with the Fighting Amish, as they look to win three straight for the first time in series history.

UCLA

I've grown weary trying to figure this squad out, so I'm not going to bother anymore.

USC

Not only did $¢ end Oregon's home and conference winning streaks, they nearly made it a laugher. Surviving a fourth-quarter flurry of feathers gave Kid Kiffin the signature win he had been pining for, and it had to be especially sweet in front of a sideline full of out-of-work hoopsters. It may be too late to get Matt Barkley an invite to New York, but his NFL stock is in demand on Wall Street.

Utah

Keeping running backs' legs fresh is certainly en vogue right now but, never a slave to fashion, Coach Wittingham saddled up his workhorse John White IV 42 times in Pullman and rode him to victory. If Utah can hold serve at home against Colorado, they have a great chance of serving as roadkill in the Pac-12 Championship.

Washington

It isn't just the wheels that have come off the Husky wagon; the axles are starting to snap as well. Ironically, UW could end up in the same bowl as last year, but the manner in which they are arriving this time around almost certainly demands a sacrificial lamb that goes by the name "Holt." Since Nick Montana hasn't yet harnessed his father's magic touch, the puppies' Apple Cup fate falls on Keith Price's duct-taped knee. Woof!

Washington State

Normally the heavy snowfall gives the Cougs an advantage over their visitors, but the Utes felt right at home during the second-half blizzard and stole one away in overtime. As painful as that was to watch, it pales in comparison to the lacerated liver that last week's hero Connor Halliday suffered after a brutal hit to his abdomen. Welcome to big-time college football, kid.


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