Dirty Dozen: The Christmas Carol Edition

For my fellow non-Christians out there (and anyone with a set of ears), the Christmas carols start off cute, but simply get to be too much after a while. It is thus in an act of public service that this week's Dirty Dozen fights back with a Stanford football version of four holiday tunes. I tried to hew to the original lyrics, linked throughout, as closely as possible. Explanations in parentheses.

Taylor's Swell (based on "Jingle Bells")

Gashing to the Rose
With a one-man right of way
O'er ‘backers he goes
Laughing all the way
Fans in end zones sing
Making scoreboards bright
What fun it is to stand and watch
Stepfan Taylor tonight!

Taylor's swell, Taylor's swell,
Sprinting all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to run
With a one-man right of way.
Taylor's swell, Taylor's swell,
Sprinting all the way.
Oh! what fun it is to run
With a one-man right of way.

"Here Comes David Shaw" (based on "Here Comes Santa Claus", in commemoration of the Notre Dame loss)
Here comes David Shaw, here comes David Shaw

Right down Arrillaga Way
Haml'ton and Mason and all gather near
Calling goal line plays
Taylor is spinnin', Irish are winning?
The refs have poor eyesight
Hit your keyboards and split some hairs
Cause David Shaw's coach tonight

"I Had a QB, Nunes" (Based on "I Had a Little Dreidel", and in honor of the season's first two months)

I had a QB, Nunes
I found him in L.A. (Nunes is from exurban L.A., San Bernandino County.)
And when the going's heavy
Oh Nunes I will play

Nunes, Nunes, Nunes
I found him in L.A.
Don't ask if backup's ready
Cuz Nunes I will play

Ladies and gentlemen, our grand finale…

"The 12 Teams in Conference" (based on "The 12 Days of Christmas"

For the 12 teams in conference, my Larry (Scott, our ever forward-thinking commish) gave to me...
12 wins a'coming (Stanford, currently 10-2)
11 port a potties (In honor of Cal's new, restroom-less stadium)
10 teams a leaping (NFL squads coveting Chip Kelly)
9 ladies dancing (The original lyric and an apt representation of most Colorado plays)
8 kids a wishing (Eight current Stanford commits, each hoping for good admissions news)
7 million missing (Jeff Tedford's reported buyout was $6.9 million)
6 Cal Bear beatings (The 3-9 Bears lost six by double digits)
F--- USC. (Just because.)
4 Cali squads
3 dead ends (Stanford and the Oregons combined to allow under 17 ppg in conference)
2 without love (Newcomers Colorado and Utah)
And the Pac-12 on DISH TV. (The only place you can watch the darn channel.)

Happy holidays, folks!

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