20. TCU Horned Frogs
Nickname Origin: An ugly lizard that squirts blood from its eyes for self defense was considered appropriate for a school affiliated with the Disciples of Christ. In other words, never try to understand anything to do with Texans.
2012 Low: Going 0-4 in home conference games. Ya'll wanted to play with the big kids…
2012 High: Winning at Texas, the school the entire TCU roster actually wanted to attend. Akin to kal winning Big Game (shudder).
Recent arrest: Let's go back a year, when a drug sweep nabbed four players and led to an on-the-record statement that "82 players failed our drug test two weeks ago" by one of the arrested players.
Famous alums: Davey O'Brien, midget QB who somehow has an award named after him. LaDainian Tomlinson, inventor of ludicrous first name. Dan Jenkins, creator of my dream woman, Barbara Jane Bookman.
19. Boise State Broncos
Nickname Origin: Most popular vehicle in Idaho.
2012 Low: Lost opener on August 31 to Michigan State, thus eliminating their BCS hopes before other schools had even played a game but saving the rest of the country from their incessant bitching about the polls.
2012 High: Had a road game in Hawaii.
Recent arrest: Their Smurf Turf field is a crime against humanity which makes televised games unwatchable and would result in the arrest of whoever came up with it if there was a God.
Famous alums: No names off the top of my head so after thinking long and hard about this and bending over backwards to research and getting down on my knees to pray for an answer and in general being really anal about it, came up with one name: Tera Patrick, hall of fame porno actress.
18. Nebraska Cornhuskers
Nickname Origin: The least creative nickname of all-time, simply named after a chore that every resident of the state must perform.
2012 Low: With the Big Ten title on the line against Wisconsin, allowed 12 more points (70) than their basketball team averaged for the season (58).
2012 High: Six game winning streak to put themselves in position for the aforementioned humiliation.
Recent arrest: Incoming freshman defensive end Ernest Suttles hit a teammate over the head with a bottle at an off campus party in June, thus accomplishing the rare feat of being kicked off a team before attending his first practice. I guess the Rhodes Scholarship folks can scratch one name.
Famous alums: Warren Buffett, lucky stock picker. Johnny Carson, inventor of the four-day work week. Ndamukong Suh, psychopathic Lion.
17. Michigan Wolverines
Nickname Origin: Changed from War Weasels after former coach Bo Schembechler became obsessed with the movie Red Dawn and would run naked through campus shouting "Wolverines!" at the top of his lungs.
2012 Low: 0-for-national TV, losing to %%MATCH_18%%, Notre Dame and %%MATCH_19%% St, with a New Year 's Day bowl loss thrown in for good measure.
2012 High: Won an ugly trophy in their ugly uniforms in an ugly game, topping MSU 12-10.
Recent arrest: Summer of 2012 starting RB Fitzgerald Toussaint was arrested for running a red light while drunk. Head coach Brady Hoke set a fine example by suspending him for an entire game.
Famous alums: Madonna, slutty singer (not Jesus' mom), wisely dropped out. James Earl Jones, actor who sounds like Darth Vader. George Sisler, last straight man with the nickname "Gorgeous".
16. Oklahoma Sooners
Nickname Origin: Law breaking cheaters who snuck into the state to claim land before legally allowed. They must be so proud.
2012 Low: Put Notre Dame on the map with a home prime time loss.
2012 High: Landry Jones throwing for 500 yards in his last home game, a 51-48 OT win over in-state rival OK State. Stellar Big 12 defenses were on display.
Recent arrest: Where to begin? Just this summer they had two DUIs, one public intoxication and a "crashing into a motorcycle officer." But I'm sympathetic; if forced to spend my summer in Oklahoma, I'd drink too.
Famous alums: Brian Bosworth, Bo Jackson road kill. Lee Roy and Dewey Selmon, started their NFL careers 0-26. James Garner, actor most remembered for playing a detective who never answered his phone.
The Court Jester's Alternative Guide: #25 to #21
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